i was about to write a comment on this song on youtube and what was ment to be just a little comment saying how beautiful this song is, ended up becoming a whole freaking paragragh. so i decided not to post it over there (because that would be just embarassing) and i knew i could put it up here no matter if anyone will read it or not and no one will judge me or say anything mean, like people like doing these days...
i just needed to let this out and share it because its just kept inside my chest and my head and i need to tell someone how i feel especially if its someone that knows exactly how it feels, so if you do end up reading this whole this i do thank you from the bottom of my heart and i do very much appreciate it!
just a few days before this song came out i came back from visiting my long distance boyfriend. in the start of august they diagnosed him with testical cancer and even though this is not the worst one to get it was such a shocking thing to hear, we did not expect it of course, no one does, especislly when you are that young (21). the next day when we knew when the surgery to remove the cancer will be i booked tickets to come the next 3 days and stay for about 10 days, which later on we have extended for another week because he had an infection and so his recovery was being a bit slow and i was not ready to leave until i knew he is a bit better. the day of the surgery came and all of us were so nervouse even though we knew its not too complicated, i stayed in the hospital the whole time because i couldnt leave him on his own and i had to wait for 5 hours until they contacted his parents to come and pick him up and i could not see him at all until they came. went back home, helped him up and into bed and stayed by his side the whole time and got up only to get him some water or fix the pillows behind his back so he will be a bit more comfortable or to get him something he needed. at night he would wake me up if he had to get up to go to the toilet or just to strech his legs because he couldnt do it on his own for the first week or so because of the area where his surgery was, but i did not mind it of course as soon as he woke me up i got up and helped him quick waiting for him to come back so i can help him back down into bed.
he had only one way of lying down at first which hurt his back so i fixed his pillows and massaged his back with some pain relief cream, i helped him wash because he couldnt have a shower either so i washed his legs and helped him with his back a little and whatever else he needed help with, i even learned how to make proper english tea (because it is very specific with the milk and his mom even tested me as a joke haha) so i can make him when he is in bed just how he likes it. i did so much for him and i was so glad i could do all these things for him because i wasnt ment to be there at that time, he came over to my country just a month before and we were planing on meeting again in october for our birthdays which are two days apart, i barely had any money for the ticket so i had to ask my mom and dad for help which i am so thankfull for them for giving me the remaining amount i needed for those tickets even though they dont really support this relationship but they saw how much this is important to me. i was there for 2 and a half weeks and we probably went out about 3 times with his mom and dad just to have a little bit of a walk some place nice so i walked beside him slowly trying to cheer him up because he usually walks so fast (i cant keep up with him) that walking that slow just upset him so i made jokes about it, i also went on my own into town to get us some ice cream and on a second time to get some fish and chips just to cheer him up a bit which was kinda nice to be independent around there since i have been there a few times before.
anyways, the last day of my stay comes and we need to say goodbye in the train station cause i had a long journey to the airport, and the trains, they come, they stop, you get on and it goes, so we said our goodbyes, last kisses, our last i love you face to face and i had to get on quick and leave him behind still not 100%. usually at that last kiss and i love you i start bursting in tears and hug him so hard and i cant let go, but this time there was no time for that so i decided that i would not cry either because we have already had it before so many times so i should be used to it by now, so i went on with my journey back home with only just a few tears in my eyes and thats it.
a few days later when i am back home i went to bed watching a little bit of youtube on my phone and i come across this new song that just came out by one of my favorite artists (the song at the top) and i listen to it. at first i only just listened to the music and the words of the song and i just fell in love with it because it was so beautiful yet so sad. next i watched the music video and in the video they write about how they got to writing this song and whats the story behind it and when i saw that i fell in love with it even more. now if you havent heard this song or watched the video its about this guy from germany and his girlfriend from boston and they had a fight while he was visiting her in the US and he ended up going to the concert of this artist on his own and he left behind a note saying "i met a superhero, i lost her, i want her back." and finally when the words and the story behind them sunk in it took me just seconds, literally just seconds to start bursting into tears without control just wanting to get back to my boyfriend, to take care of him, to make him happy through all he is going through, just to be there for him when he needed me most. when i was there he was being so strong, deep down he was shitting his pants but he knew how much we all worry about him and how much we were all scared of the results of his scans and blood tests so he was being strong for us all, i did my best to be as strong as i could possibly be but he, he was the strongest of all of us and he kept on making me happy and laugh and have a good time with all this that was going on and this song just made me feel that when i left him back there and went home i sort of lost him... i still see him every day on skype, we still talk every day on whatsapp... and yet i feel like something is missing, like ive lost all the things we did together, that feeling when i am next to him, when i am making him a cup of tea trying to make it as perfect as i can, or even just going to sleep by his side at night and waking up with him so close to me. i miss him so bad. this song brings so many feelings into my heart every single time i listen to it, sadness, happiness, lost, anger, fear, worry, love, belonging, appreciation, its just crazy the amount of feelings just one song can give you. this song is truly amazing.
if anyone has actually gotten that far i really do appreciate it. i know only here i can write those things and someone out there will say oh yeah i know excatly what you feel. and about my boyfriend he is almost completly recovered so far and thank fully they cought it early so scans were clear, blood test went back to normal and he only need just one dose of chemotherapy jsut to make sure it will not spread so hopefully it will be over soon.
i just needed to let this out and share it because its just kept inside my chest and my head and i need to tell someone how i feel especially if its someone that knows exactly how it feels, so if you do end up reading this whole this i do thank you from the bottom of my heart and i do very much appreciate it!
just a few days before this song came out i came back from visiting my long distance boyfriend. in the start of august they diagnosed him with testical cancer and even though this is not the worst one to get it was such a shocking thing to hear, we did not expect it of course, no one does, especislly when you are that young (21). the next day when we knew when the surgery to remove the cancer will be i booked tickets to come the next 3 days and stay for about 10 days, which later on we have extended for another week because he had an infection and so his recovery was being a bit slow and i was not ready to leave until i knew he is a bit better. the day of the surgery came and all of us were so nervouse even though we knew its not too complicated, i stayed in the hospital the whole time because i couldnt leave him on his own and i had to wait for 5 hours until they contacted his parents to come and pick him up and i could not see him at all until they came. went back home, helped him up and into bed and stayed by his side the whole time and got up only to get him some water or fix the pillows behind his back so he will be a bit more comfortable or to get him something he needed. at night he would wake me up if he had to get up to go to the toilet or just to strech his legs because he couldnt do it on his own for the first week or so because of the area where his surgery was, but i did not mind it of course as soon as he woke me up i got up and helped him quick waiting for him to come back so i can help him back down into bed.
he had only one way of lying down at first which hurt his back so i fixed his pillows and massaged his back with some pain relief cream, i helped him wash because he couldnt have a shower either so i washed his legs and helped him with his back a little and whatever else he needed help with, i even learned how to make proper english tea (because it is very specific with the milk and his mom even tested me as a joke haha) so i can make him when he is in bed just how he likes it. i did so much for him and i was so glad i could do all these things for him because i wasnt ment to be there at that time, he came over to my country just a month before and we were planing on meeting again in october for our birthdays which are two days apart, i barely had any money for the ticket so i had to ask my mom and dad for help which i am so thankfull for them for giving me the remaining amount i needed for those tickets even though they dont really support this relationship but they saw how much this is important to me. i was there for 2 and a half weeks and we probably went out about 3 times with his mom and dad just to have a little bit of a walk some place nice so i walked beside him slowly trying to cheer him up because he usually walks so fast (i cant keep up with him) that walking that slow just upset him so i made jokes about it, i also went on my own into town to get us some ice cream and on a second time to get some fish and chips just to cheer him up a bit which was kinda nice to be independent around there since i have been there a few times before.
anyways, the last day of my stay comes and we need to say goodbye in the train station cause i had a long journey to the airport, and the trains, they come, they stop, you get on and it goes, so we said our goodbyes, last kisses, our last i love you face to face and i had to get on quick and leave him behind still not 100%. usually at that last kiss and i love you i start bursting in tears and hug him so hard and i cant let go, but this time there was no time for that so i decided that i would not cry either because we have already had it before so many times so i should be used to it by now, so i went on with my journey back home with only just a few tears in my eyes and thats it.
a few days later when i am back home i went to bed watching a little bit of youtube on my phone and i come across this new song that just came out by one of my favorite artists (the song at the top) and i listen to it. at first i only just listened to the music and the words of the song and i just fell in love with it because it was so beautiful yet so sad. next i watched the music video and in the video they write about how they got to writing this song and whats the story behind it and when i saw that i fell in love with it even more. now if you havent heard this song or watched the video its about this guy from germany and his girlfriend from boston and they had a fight while he was visiting her in the US and he ended up going to the concert of this artist on his own and he left behind a note saying "i met a superhero, i lost her, i want her back." and finally when the words and the story behind them sunk in it took me just seconds, literally just seconds to start bursting into tears without control just wanting to get back to my boyfriend, to take care of him, to make him happy through all he is going through, just to be there for him when he needed me most. when i was there he was being so strong, deep down he was shitting his pants but he knew how much we all worry about him and how much we were all scared of the results of his scans and blood tests so he was being strong for us all, i did my best to be as strong as i could possibly be but he, he was the strongest of all of us and he kept on making me happy and laugh and have a good time with all this that was going on and this song just made me feel that when i left him back there and went home i sort of lost him... i still see him every day on skype, we still talk every day on whatsapp... and yet i feel like something is missing, like ive lost all the things we did together, that feeling when i am next to him, when i am making him a cup of tea trying to make it as perfect as i can, or even just going to sleep by his side at night and waking up with him so close to me. i miss him so bad. this song brings so many feelings into my heart every single time i listen to it, sadness, happiness, lost, anger, fear, worry, love, belonging, appreciation, its just crazy the amount of feelings just one song can give you. this song is truly amazing.
if anyone has actually gotten that far i really do appreciate it. i know only here i can write those things and someone out there will say oh yeah i know excatly what you feel. and about my boyfriend he is almost completly recovered so far and thank fully they cought it early so scans were clear, blood test went back to normal and he only need just one dose of chemotherapy jsut to make sure it will not spread so hopefully it will be over soon.