Telling my mother

[OceanLaboratory]

So I'm in a long distance relationship with a man from El Salvador. We've been together for a little over a year now and we are very committed to each other to the point of actually being engaged. We are planning to meet next year and as long as things go well we without a doubt will continue the process of getting him moved to the US.

He has told two of his sisters, his mother, and most recently, his father; basically everyone in his family that is important to tell. So far, I have only told my father who is not exactly a huge part of my life. I don't have many people I have to tell, but my biggest concern is my mother.

My mother is the type who is very controlling and is not afraid to voice her opinion. And I know almost without a doubt that she will freak out when I tell her. And here's the real kicker: I was in a long distance relationship previously, with a guy who lived a few states away from me. And it went very, very poorly. After we met in person, things went south quickly.

So this is what I want advice on: What do I tell her? How do I tell her? When do I tell her? My fiancé is a very wonderful and accomplished man but he IS from another country. I just don't know how to word everything properly to decrease the explosion as much as possible.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I wouldn't say to people around you he is your fiancé. You have never met him. You do not know how you two will be together in real life. You could realise you have no attraction (because skype, facetime, phone and text are WAY different than real life).

Plus isn't it a bit un-romantic to be engaged without having met first and having a real proposal ? Anyway... I have the same kind of mother as you have. So, I know how you can feel. There are no ways to make it easier than telling her the truth. Make sure she is in a good mood and not preoccupied or busy with other stuff. You could say something like, "Hey mom, there is something I would like to talk about. I started talking with a man online about a year ago and we get along very well. We would like to meet eventually. So i thought it would be better to let you know"

You're 24 year old. So even if she disagrees, you can do whatever you want. I would just be careful with how you phrase stuff. Do not say he is your fiancé. That would make everyone worried especially since you have never met.

You wrote, "I was in a long distance relationship previously, with a guy who lived a few states away from me. And it went very, very poorly. After we met in person, things went south*quickly."

You should have the experience and the maturity to know not to get engaged with a man you have never met.

I wish you good luck with your mom. I'm getting married next year with my LD partner and i cannot even have my mom's blessing. So i know it can be hard.