I broke his heart and I feel so sick.

[paperplane]

I just can’t do this anymore.
We dated in person for a few months and then I had to move back to the US and he had to stay in Australia. We stayed in touch for 6 more months, but I’m just so exhausted, and the only possible break is if I can fly to meet him in China next summer when he visits his family. And I just, I don’t know how I would get a month off work, how to afford flying to China, plus just, it wouldn’t be realistic- it would be a honeymoon and wouldn’t bring us any closer to moving to eachother. I can’t afford to fly to him. I don’t have enough time off to warrant that anymore. And he is focused on changing careers and has all his time off saved for his big China trip.

And I’m 29. I just don’t have years to hope for something anymore.

We had been fading out. And it felt like every call got shorter and I kept crying and expressing how I just didn’t know what we could do.I couldn’t say “I miss you” without crying. I called him today and it was more of the same. He just had nothing to say and he looked so, sad. And finally I said, “are we... over?” And he said, “I guess. You keep saying you’re never gonna see me again.”
I said something along the lines of,
“ I said ‘if,’ or ‘when’. And I just don’t know. I don’t know if can drop everything to visit you for a month in China. I don’t know what is going to happen in 6 months. I don’t know how my career is going to be. And we’re both so miserable all the time.”

I wanted something from him, an offer of a plan, something sooner than next summer?

But silence. then he looked down and said, “I’m going to bed, ok?” and then tears started pouring down his face. He rarely cries but this past month he’s cried 3x and I hate this because I never told him I loved him.

I was waiting for him to say it first and he never did. He barely even registered that we were in a relationship til July after A big fight which I think, is the last time I posted here?

We never said it to eachother, and now it feels like such an empty thing to say because if I loved him, wouldn’t I have figured out a way, somehow? But I do love him. I love how he so meticulously makes his coffee in the morning. I love his silly dances. I love his drive and self discipline. I love everything about his face and body and heart. But I’m just so, fucking. Tired. And feel so hopeless. I feel like I’ve been on a rollercoaster and right when I get off he’s finally expressing his feelings.

But the way he looked at me tonight? I saw his heart break. I think he loved me too. And I’ve broken his heart. And everything is just worse. I love you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do anymore.

[Redheart14]

Give yourself time to heal and him also! Ldrs are exhausting especially with the lack of certainty with visits. Sorry to hear this happened but from your previous posts it’s probably what’s best for you right now.

[paperplane]

I know you’re right. Logically I know this. I’m just hurting. I wanted so badly to see him again. But my sanity limit is 4 months and we blew past that with no end in sight.

[Crush001]

I feel that he really needed to put a goal for you guys to achieve it. I think I am here because I am also going to break out my LDR and I am looking for ways to fix it, thanks for sarhing your thougths I will learn from your experiences, I think you guys really needed to work on something.

[LisaS]

I just can’t do this anymore.
We dated in person for a few months and then I had to move back to the US and he had to stay in Australia. We stayed in touch for 6 more months, but I’m just so exhausted, and the only possible break is if I can fly to meet him in China next summer when he visits his family. And I just, I don’t know how I would get a month off work, how to afford flying to China, plus just, it wouldn’t be realistic- it would be a honeymoon and wouldn’t bring us any closer to moving to eachother. I can’t afford to fly to him. I don’t have enough time off to warrant that anymore. And he is focused on changing careers and has all his time off saved for his big China trip.

And I’m 29. I just don’t have years to hope for something anymore.

We had been fading out. And it felt like every call got shorter and I kept crying and expressing how I just didn’t know what we could do.I couldn’t say “I miss you” without crying. I called him today and it was more of the same. He just had nothing to say and he looked so, sad. And finally I said, “are we... over?” And he said, “I guess. You keep saying you’re never gonna see me again.”
I said something along the lines of,
“ I said ‘if,’ or ‘when’. And I just don’t know. I don’t know if can drop everything to visit you for a month in China. I don’t know what is going to happen in 6 months. I don’t know how my career is going to be. And we’re both so miserable all the time.”

I wanted something from him, an offer of a plan, something sooner than next summer?

But silence. then he looked down and said, “I’m going to bed, ok?” and then tears started pouring down his face. He rarely cries but this past month he’s cried 3x and I hate this because I never told him I loved him.

I was waiting for him to say it first and he never did. He barely even registered that we were in a relationship til July after A big fight which I think, is the last time I posted here?

We never said it to eachother, and now it feels like such an empty thing to say because if I loved him, wouldn’t I have figured out a way, somehow? But I do love him. I love how he so meticulously makes his coffee in the morning. I love his silly dances. I love his drive and self discipline. I love everything about his face and body and heart. But I’m just so, fucking. Tired. And feel so hopeless. I feel like I’ve been on a rollercoaster and right when I get off he’s finally expressing his feelings.

But the way he looked at me tonight? I saw his heart break. I think he loved me too. And I’ve broken his heart. And everything is just worse. I love you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I wish I could give you a hug and hope that you don’t feel too bad! I’ve been doing long distance for over 4 years now and I’m 33 and feel so freakin exhausted from it. We are closing the distance in less than a year but sometimes I wonder if I can maintain my sanity until then. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that if you 2 have already made the decision to end things, it’s probably for the best and that you don’t invest more time and resources to continue the relationship. You are still so young and have the whole rest of your life to look forward to! Take some time to heal and take care of YOU!

[5518MilesApart]

26 here, and that is so damn relatable to me..
Sometimes you feel like time is so against you, that everything could have been done already, that your life would be together by now..
I'm learning that age is just a number. Sure, as a woman you have to think about childbearing years if you want that, and certain things, but...

I feel like we are already allotted certain things in life and no one can take that away from us.

Sometimes things don't sending end up working now because there are better things in store. We can't see it in the thick of it, but eventually... it will make sense.
Wishing you the best, really wishing you peace and clarity.