Advice?

[gabuchan]

I met my boyfriend in Japan when I traveled there in October. It was love at first sight and I spent five amazing weeks with him! I had to go back home to Canada though, and it has been a month since I have seen him. The first few weeks were fine, but about a week and a half ago I began having so many random doubts and worries. Questions began running through my mind and I doubted if I even loved him. Suddenly his texts and picture messages didn't cheer me up anymore. I felt horrible because I know in my heart I love him, but everything just felt different. A few days ago though I felt good as new and questioned why I was having doubts. But today I feel horrible again, every time I text him I feel like I am somehow lying about my feelings. I hate this feeling and I was wondering if it's normal to feel this disconnection while in a long distance relationship. It should be noted I have been in an LDR before and experienced these same feelings, it's like my brain wants to ruin my happiness. I know that I love him and that's why I'm trying to seek help so I don't feel this way, I want to be with this man. I just feel like it's a fight in my head 24/7, it has gotten so bad that I have even started to see a therapist.

I need help. Please go easy on me.

[Littlewhiteflower]

Did you consider the fact that maybe LDR are just not for you? They are hard and not everyone can go through them...

I've been in one for 3 years and sometimes I have these doubts too. I think it's normal to feel off sometimes as you might feel this way in real life. However, when it is to the point that you have to consult a therapist, i think that maybe you need to realise that, as much as you might love him, this is just not made for you.

Maybe it would be best to date someone that is living in the same town. It probably sucks to hear that. I've been told the same by a therapist and I didn't listen to her and now I'm planning my wedding with my LD partner for next year haha. So maybe I'm not a good reference, but you should think about it.

[gabuchan]

Yeah I totally think that LDR’s are not for me... but I forgot to mention that I am actually going to see him in two months because I am going back to Japan for quite some time. So that’s what I’m thinking about that’s making me strong. But that’s really inspirational that YOU talked to a therapist as well and beat the odds, I would really like to do that to, and honestly I would want to hear more about it if you want to chat.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

For what it's worth, I have had my doubts at times too; mainly in the very beginning. Both me and my SO did. We also both have mental health issues, so that probably also played a role in it. But we got past that, and we've kept going. We haven't yet met, and I am finally getting into a place financially where it will be possible in the near future, so I have a list of things to do to get me there. I have started ticking them off, and it has made a world of difference to my frame of mind. I am positive now that I am making active progress. I was already seeing a counsellor before I met my SO, and she caused me emotional problems regarding my relationship, to the point that I stopped seeing her entirely.
Just another different viewpoint for you. No idea if it will help at all.

[Redheart14]

Going back might be able to give you the perspective you need. I know this is hard but at least you’re being honest with your feelings have you had a conversation with your SO about these feelings?