I'm so desperate about my partner...

[Noona]

Hey guys,
it's not that far ago when we confessed to each other with my partner. He's older than me and works, while I'm a university student. We don't live that far from each other and we met in a game, I support him with his problems and so... Well, the thing is that something bothers me for some time.

I thought that he's addicted in games, but he claims he isn't. Though, whenever he plays a game, it feels like he prioritizes them over me. We already argued about this before, but his answer was that he doesn't prioritize them and he has 2 displays after all, so he can see easily, if someone wrote him. I understand it when he plays with a real friend or he's in some match... But now? He plays a solo game and his reply takes hours. Seriously... I don't wanna start next argue again about this, but it makes me so mad and I'm losing my patience...

Don't misunderstand me, I give him his freedom, I don't spam him, I don't rush things, I don't need his reply in a second, I don't mind that he plays something, I wanna him to be happy, but he got two damn screens and can't stop the game just to reply me for more than a hour? What I mind is that he prioritizes the game over me. I don't consider playing as being busy. For me being busy is when you do real duties, not playing. When I play something, I prioritize him over the game... I like him very much and I don't wanna lose him, but lately I feel like...does it even worth to be with him...

I remember when he wrote me about a girl he used to like and she used to nonstop spam him and disturb his life with it, but when I asked him "Why didn't you just go offline or reply later?" and his answer was "I would feel bad for it and you know how things are when you like someone." So am I not that important to him? Or how am I supposed to understand it... He doesn't even bother to write as first, I'm mostly the one, who writes...

He wrote that he never liked someone that much (he meant me), but I don't feel like that... I don't know what to do anymore... I feel so worthless just because I like him... I hate comparing, but I can see by myself how other relationships work... I don't even know what I wanted to ask you guys, I just don't know what to do... Is it possible that he truly likes me despite this?

[Lune]

Hi Noona

Don't feel worthless because of liking someone. Emotions are a tricky thing and can be beautiful and evil and sad and cannot be controlled as easily as we often wish them to. But you both seem to have some level that led you to develop feelings for each other. How long do you already know him in general?
Did you ever try to figure out maybe times when only the two of you are spending time together, video chatting (if you already did this), watching a movie and do what you are up to without distractions like games and stuff besides that?

With the other girl, well, it is not nice of him to say something like that and can be a clear message. What are his reactions when you confront him with what you feel and what bothers you?

All the best
Lune

[Noona]

Thank you for your reply, we know each other 5 months and we didn't do anything else yet. We just chat or play a game for now, but I would like to watch something together, if we get the time after my exams end. Many times he bought me items in the game, we play, even if I don't want him to waste money for it. But it can't make me feel loved as much as the words and knowing that I'm the priority for him... I'm a person, who needs to know, that I'm loved. If he just wrote me "I like you," it would make me happier than anything else... But I don't even remember him writing it as first... And it's not even the first argue we had, we already argued few times about misunderstandings, but then we made up.

I forgot to add that he wrote it before we confessed, about the other girl, but the feeling still bothers me... How he reacts if I tell my feelings straight... Well, when I accused him of prioritizing games, he accused me of being jealous. Jealous? Because I feel like this makes my feelings fade? It depends on the situation and what's the cause though... Today I asked him for a help, it was around 3am and I knew that he doesn't sleep because he plays. I was desperate about what happened to me and when I wrote him my problem, he answered "Oh, I thought it was something serious." For me it serious was and even if it wasn't serious for him, this was just cruel to write, when I was sad about it... I needed to comfort, but instead he made me sadder. I cried at night and I decided to write him straight, that I feel like I'm not the person he likes... But he doesn't reply me or ask why, instead he went to play... I feel like I'm being pushed to the corner...

[Lune]

Glad when it helps a bit
Oh okay, when it is mostly about the game it still seems to be in the getting to know each other phase rather than being on a more romantic level already. Do you talk much about your lives or is it more about the game often as well?

I think what matters more with what he said about the girl is just the fact that he said he feels bad not replying when liking someone but then does not reply to you so you come to the conclusion that he does not like you enough to care as much as he did there. Lol that was a long line now.
Yet another thing is what you mention now, that he does not take your feelings seriously. Everyone has another definition of what is important, when whatever was going on let you feel desperate though. Do you have friends, family or anyone else you can talk about this kind of things, someone who can give you emotional support when feeling down and in need to talk to someone?

Maybe you should try to get into some distance to him when he hurts you more than makes you happy and see how he reacts, when talking does not really help. In the meanwhile, try to focus on what is good for you, do hobbies and activities you like and your studies
Feel free to drop a private message if you need someone to talk

[Noona]

Yeah, we talk about our lives and opinions too... But then I don't understand the point of "I feel bad when I don't reply to the person I like" when it seems like he doesn't care about it with me... Now I waited 4 hours just for a simple reply "what did you mean with it" and now I'm waiting 3 more hours because of his freaking games for next reply, but he will go to slepe soon, so we won't even solve this today... I would go and ask him, why he wrote before that he would feel bad for it while he doesn't seem so, but he would blame me for jealousness while I'm just sad. It's hard to explain him something when he gets stuck with his own illusion.

Personally I'm afraid it would all fade after the pause, I have bad experienced with pausing, that's why I didn't pause it so far and I prefer to tell him things straight, but he seems to avoid these topics... I don't know whether he realizes that I like him so much, even if I express myself very well...

Sadly I got no friends and I hide it from my family for now. I just wanted to have a calm talk with him today, but it seems he prefers games over make things right... If I didn't like him that much, I would already leave him, but he's a good person, so it's not easy...I dislike gamers, so it's hard to bear that the person I like is like this. I wish he had a real hobby and played games occasionally...

[Lune]

That is a positive thing at least so it is not as based on the gaming only and you are part of each other's lives like that too. It really is frustrating to not being able to solve something because there is no time taken to talk it through.
What I meant is not a complete pause from him, just maybe seeing how much comes from him when it is not you making the first move on conversations. Sometimes people wake up then and start putting more effort into it all or try to understand what is going on. When he writes you can reply still and keep the conversation going, yet when it would be the case where you always start topics that he never replies to then you both have to find a real solution to get into a rhythm that fits for both of you. Going on like this will only hurt you more. Just maybe make him a suggestion, asking if it would be possible to spend some hour or two for the beginning only together in the evenings, trying to focus there on your relationship, activities together that are not ingame, since you don't seem to enjoy it so much. It can happen in small steps and if he would try it out (depends of course if you like that solution) it would show some effort. And spending some time with the person you like a lot when not being busy with unavoidable things like work, studies etc. should not be too much to be asked for.