On my last visit to him, SO wanted us to talk about the future, but I was not up for it. I notice that us having the "future talk" makes me quite scared. I am not sure why. We have talked about him relocating here, marriage has been in the table and also in the air this year (my divorce got through in summer). His family refers to me as his fiance.
He has been reluctant to come to my country - he has only been here once before. I can see why, money has been tight and getting enough holiday time has not been easy in his new job (last time I was quite upset about it actually - his boss told him in 2 weeks notice "now you can have a 2 week holiday" and he went to his family for 2 weeks. Also my country has been quite strict about granting visas and I does take rejection quite hard.
There is the issue of us possably having children which I think is super hard. He told me before that he was not that into having children of his own, but it has been years since we had that conversation. It would be that he has warmed more to the idea. To say that it is a sensitive subject for me would be an undertatement, since my ex left me in the middle of us trying to have kids) I have felt quite traumatic about it. I know that I am fertile since I had myself checked last year, and my mum actually gave birth when she was around my age, but realistically I should be less fertile soon. He has told some things that makes me think he may have changed his mind, and also general statements like "You turn all my nos into yeses". I may be too hopeful about this. I dont mean to say people cant feel how they want about children (but my ex went from a yes to a no, so why cant he go from a no to a yes?). The last thing he told me, when he noticed how uncomfortable I got when he tried to initiate the "future talk", was "dont be upset. Maybe you will like it"- I have not idea what that means, but something good perhaps....
I know he is devoted to me, since this year he Skyped me on my birthday AND on NYE (so twice in 2 days, we dont usually Skype everyday)- together with his family, that he was visiting at the time. I know he is also happy with the changes I have made, ie becoming more frugal and I am almost finished with my teacher education which will most likely give me a steady job. I work in a teaching temp company now, barely making ends meet but applying for steady jobs and trying to buy my ex out of our flat. I worked so hard last year I almost was burned out. Now I take things more slow and I guess it is about time that we have the future talk.
I guess our big themes should be: marriage, relocation and baby. But I am scared. I feel very shy bringing up the subject with him, and also scared if he should bring it up. I feel very much like a coward. But there were so many changes in our relationship since my ex left, maybe I just felt like a I needed some peace.
Anyone else scared of the future talk in the past, and have some pointers?
He has been reluctant to come to my country - he has only been here once before. I can see why, money has been tight and getting enough holiday time has not been easy in his new job (last time I was quite upset about it actually - his boss told him in 2 weeks notice "now you can have a 2 week holiday" and he went to his family for 2 weeks. Also my country has been quite strict about granting visas and I does take rejection quite hard.
There is the issue of us possably having children which I think is super hard. He told me before that he was not that into having children of his own, but it has been years since we had that conversation. It would be that he has warmed more to the idea. To say that it is a sensitive subject for me would be an undertatement, since my ex left me in the middle of us trying to have kids) I have felt quite traumatic about it. I know that I am fertile since I had myself checked last year, and my mum actually gave birth when she was around my age, but realistically I should be less fertile soon. He has told some things that makes me think he may have changed his mind, and also general statements like "You turn all my nos into yeses". I may be too hopeful about this. I dont mean to say people cant feel how they want about children (but my ex went from a yes to a no, so why cant he go from a no to a yes?). The last thing he told me, when he noticed how uncomfortable I got when he tried to initiate the "future talk", was "dont be upset. Maybe you will like it"- I have not idea what that means, but something good perhaps....
I know he is devoted to me, since this year he Skyped me on my birthday AND on NYE (so twice in 2 days, we dont usually Skype everyday)- together with his family, that he was visiting at the time. I know he is also happy with the changes I have made, ie becoming more frugal and I am almost finished with my teacher education which will most likely give me a steady job. I work in a teaching temp company now, barely making ends meet but applying for steady jobs and trying to buy my ex out of our flat. I worked so hard last year I almost was burned out. Now I take things more slow and I guess it is about time that we have the future talk.
I guess our big themes should be: marriage, relocation and baby. But I am scared. I feel very shy bringing up the subject with him, and also scared if he should bring it up. I feel very much like a coward. But there were so many changes in our relationship since my ex left, maybe I just felt like a I needed some peace.
Anyone else scared of the future talk in the past, and have some pointers?
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