Hey, I found this website on the beginning of the year but only today I deciced to write a post, because of a few things that happened.
Long story short, I am male, 20, from Europe, and in August I met a girl (21) from South America. We met on a penpal website and we started to chat. We became very good friends, we got closer everyday, I like her very much. One of the first things she told me about when we first met was that she was planning to move to my country (she never said how much time it would take). As I was saying, we got closer and closer, we chated everyday (messages, video calls before sleeping). She was always the one to tell what she felt first, and on December she told me that she liked me not only as a friend, and at the end of that month she said that she loved me... and I told her that I loved her as well. But there is more. I have never been in a relationship, and even thought I am 20, I have never been with a woman before... ( I know this might sound wrong but this is who I am and I am ok with that). She had other men in the past, and I am ok with that. But just a few days after telling me that she loved me, she told me that she would still be with other men, because she could do it without felling anything for them, only for the pleasure, but she said that if I did the same thing, it would be ok, but she was worried about losing me, because it would be my first time and she was afraid that I could fall in love with the woman I was with. This is what we talked about at the beginning of the year. Now, last Sunday night she went to a party with a friend and i was ok with that. We didnt talk a lot on Monday and on Tuesday we chated a bit more and she said that we could see each other late at night. She didnt show up an i didnt sleep until 2am waiting for her. Next day, Wednesday was a normal day. At night, a few hours before going to bed, we were making a video call and she was weird. She told me that I should find a woman for me, even thought I could fall in love and she would lose me. I told her that I didnt want other woman, and I found those words weird. So I asked her if she had sex with another man...and she said she did, on the day before, Tuesday. She met him on Sunday night. I felt horrible. She said that on my face. I hung up the phone. But we chated for a few minutes. When I felt better we made another video call. She said...that she didnt want it, that it meant nothing to her, but it didnt help, I felt betrayed, because she told me everyday that she loved me, and i told her the same, she told that she wanted to be with me, be my girlfriend once she lived here. We argued for the rest of the night until she decided to go to sleep, she didnt care about my felings, she said I was over-reacting. She didnt even apologize for what she did, because for her, it meant nothing, as she said, we werent even dating, so what she did was ok. But for me it was not ok. I didnt sleep that night. On Thursday she texted me. We argued a lot, but me anger started to go away, and I only felt sad. I told her that I could forgive her, but it couldnt happen again. She said it wouldnt happen again. I was not ok with that but...I still loved her and we saw each other on video call before sleep and it was good to be with her. Friday, yesterday, was better, we chatted on the morning, but had another fight in the afternoon, because I talked about what she did. She said that if we were dating she would not do it again, because she was incapable of cheating, that she never cheated on a boyfriend. I was desperate, I havent sleep well for days and so I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes, so now we are boyfriend and girlfriend and I am the biggest idiot on earth. I love her, I dream about meeting her, being with her, spend my time with her...but the did what she did. I can forgive that as long as it wont happen again, but I am afraid she will do it again. Should I break up with her? I think that I should do something, but not sure why. I fell that I am weak, I have never dated before, so I am afraid of losing her and never fiding another woman ( I know it is stupid to say such thing). She is lovely, beautiful, sweet, funny, she did what she did, but she was honest, she didnt lie to me. I was alone before meeting her and I dont want to be alone again, now that I look back I had an empty life with only a few friends and I dont want the loneliness to be back. With her, everything is better, but she is not perfect and she hurted me a lot. Today, saturday, we didnt talk about "what she did", we are living a normal life. Soon she will probably go out again, and I dont know what she will do, but I want to trust her again and live in peace and sleep well when she goes out. This might sound wrong, but I think that the only way to forgive her and live in peace with that, would be if I did the same thing to her and be with other womann, but I dont want that, and I wont, (and probably I woulnt find anyone.) But I dont want to wait for her to be here with me, just to find out that she had other men while we were dating. I fell lost and dont know what to do. I want to be with her. But most of all, I want to live in peace with myself, I dont want to be cheated and I dont want the woman I love to be with other men she just met just for fun. I believe that one day we will be together, but until that day...it will be hard.
Yesterday we started to date. I dont want to think about what she did as treason, eventhought we talked about love everyday and it hurted me a lot.
This was a long text. Thank you for your time.
I fell lost, I am in college and I am having a hard time studying with all those things happening.
I didnt share this with anyone, not friends nor family, so I need someone.
Thanks
Long story short, I am male, 20, from Europe, and in August I met a girl (21) from South America. We met on a penpal website and we started to chat. We became very good friends, we got closer everyday, I like her very much. One of the first things she told me about when we first met was that she was planning to move to my country (she never said how much time it would take). As I was saying, we got closer and closer, we chated everyday (messages, video calls before sleeping). She was always the one to tell what she felt first, and on December she told me that she liked me not only as a friend, and at the end of that month she said that she loved me... and I told her that I loved her as well. But there is more. I have never been in a relationship, and even thought I am 20, I have never been with a woman before... ( I know this might sound wrong but this is who I am and I am ok with that). She had other men in the past, and I am ok with that. But just a few days after telling me that she loved me, she told me that she would still be with other men, because she could do it without felling anything for them, only for the pleasure, but she said that if I did the same thing, it would be ok, but she was worried about losing me, because it would be my first time and she was afraid that I could fall in love with the woman I was with. This is what we talked about at the beginning of the year. Now, last Sunday night she went to a party with a friend and i was ok with that. We didnt talk a lot on Monday and on Tuesday we chated a bit more and she said that we could see each other late at night. She didnt show up an i didnt sleep until 2am waiting for her. Next day, Wednesday was a normal day. At night, a few hours before going to bed, we were making a video call and she was weird. She told me that I should find a woman for me, even thought I could fall in love and she would lose me. I told her that I didnt want other woman, and I found those words weird. So I asked her if she had sex with another man...and she said she did, on the day before, Tuesday. She met him on Sunday night. I felt horrible. She said that on my face. I hung up the phone. But we chated for a few minutes. When I felt better we made another video call. She said...that she didnt want it, that it meant nothing to her, but it didnt help, I felt betrayed, because she told me everyday that she loved me, and i told her the same, she told that she wanted to be with me, be my girlfriend once she lived here. We argued for the rest of the night until she decided to go to sleep, she didnt care about my felings, she said I was over-reacting. She didnt even apologize for what she did, because for her, it meant nothing, as she said, we werent even dating, so what she did was ok. But for me it was not ok. I didnt sleep that night. On Thursday she texted me. We argued a lot, but me anger started to go away, and I only felt sad. I told her that I could forgive her, but it couldnt happen again. She said it wouldnt happen again. I was not ok with that but...I still loved her and we saw each other on video call before sleep and it was good to be with her. Friday, yesterday, was better, we chatted on the morning, but had another fight in the afternoon, because I talked about what she did. She said that if we were dating she would not do it again, because she was incapable of cheating, that she never cheated on a boyfriend. I was desperate, I havent sleep well for days and so I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes, so now we are boyfriend and girlfriend and I am the biggest idiot on earth. I love her, I dream about meeting her, being with her, spend my time with her...but the did what she did. I can forgive that as long as it wont happen again, but I am afraid she will do it again. Should I break up with her? I think that I should do something, but not sure why. I fell that I am weak, I have never dated before, so I am afraid of losing her and never fiding another woman ( I know it is stupid to say such thing). She is lovely, beautiful, sweet, funny, she did what she did, but she was honest, she didnt lie to me. I was alone before meeting her and I dont want to be alone again, now that I look back I had an empty life with only a few friends and I dont want the loneliness to be back. With her, everything is better, but she is not perfect and she hurted me a lot. Today, saturday, we didnt talk about "what she did", we are living a normal life. Soon she will probably go out again, and I dont know what she will do, but I want to trust her again and live in peace and sleep well when she goes out. This might sound wrong, but I think that the only way to forgive her and live in peace with that, would be if I did the same thing to her and be with other womann, but I dont want that, and I wont, (and probably I woulnt find anyone.) But I dont want to wait for her to be here with me, just to find out that she had other men while we were dating. I fell lost and dont know what to do. I want to be with her. But most of all, I want to live in peace with myself, I dont want to be cheated and I dont want the woman I love to be with other men she just met just for fun. I believe that one day we will be together, but until that day...it will be hard.
Yesterday we started to date. I dont want to think about what she did as treason, eventhought we talked about love everyday and it hurted me a lot.
This was a long text. Thank you for your time.
I fell lost, I am in college and I am having a hard time studying with all those things happening.
I didnt share this with anyone, not friends nor family, so I need someone.
Thanks
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