So my partner of 3 years is about to move from the UK to Washington DC to start work in his absolute dream job for 2 years. It's an unbelievable position, and there are absolutely no questions about him taking it up, I'm mega happy for him and I would do the exact same thing in his position.
Issue is, I'm currently doing my Doctorate in the UK, and probably won't be finished until January 2020. Currently, we've got a really awesome life here. We've recently started living together (through necessity, otherwise the timing would have been a terrible idea) and we both love it. We spend a lot of time together, both working and relaxing. It was always on the cards that one of us would move away, we're both super career-focused, but now that it's actually happening, I'm a real mess.
I'm hoping to go out there in September to visit him for a month, but I'm reluctant to commit to any longer because I'm at a really vital point in my own PhD and also, my past experiences of US cities weren't mega favourable. I'm a bit of a country-bumpkin and cities aren't my fave. I know it's unfair to guess at how I'll find it, but I'm struggling to frame it as an amazing opportunity. The other issue is, through a load of stuff, working in DC in the kind of career I'm hoping for, isn't really an option for me. It's possible, but very very unlikely. So the chances of me being able to permanently move out there next year are slim, and I don't want to bank on that.
I've done long-distance when I was doing my undergraduate degree for 5 years and found it to be alright, but that was when we were both in the UK (plus in hindsight, it wasn't the greatest relationship). But my partner is a massive workaholic and between that, starting a new job, and being in a different time-zone, I'm unsure how he's going to adapt to being long distance. The time-zone thing, in particular, is really daunting. He's also not planning on coming back to teh UK very often at all. He's really optimistic that we can work through it, and says that it'll be up to me where I move once my PhD is done and he's open to trying to follow me there when he's finished his position in DC.
Another issue- much of mine and my partner's relationship has been dealing with my depression, and he's amazing at helping me get through it. So I'm especially worried that he's not going to be around when I'm going through the hardest part of my PhD and also many of my closest friends have finished their PhDs and moved away too. I'm a massive pessimist, and am really struggling to visualise how on earth I'm going to get through all of this.
So basically, I'm trying to ask does anyone have any advice about 1. Long-distance relationships across time zones, 2. trying to build a life when you're both annoyingly career-focused and 3. Long-distance relationships when one of you has depression. Anything would be helpful- or just someone telling me that this isn't the worst idea in the world ever.
Issue is, I'm currently doing my Doctorate in the UK, and probably won't be finished until January 2020. Currently, we've got a really awesome life here. We've recently started living together (through necessity, otherwise the timing would have been a terrible idea) and we both love it. We spend a lot of time together, both working and relaxing. It was always on the cards that one of us would move away, we're both super career-focused, but now that it's actually happening, I'm a real mess.
I'm hoping to go out there in September to visit him for a month, but I'm reluctant to commit to any longer because I'm at a really vital point in my own PhD and also, my past experiences of US cities weren't mega favourable. I'm a bit of a country-bumpkin and cities aren't my fave. I know it's unfair to guess at how I'll find it, but I'm struggling to frame it as an amazing opportunity. The other issue is, through a load of stuff, working in DC in the kind of career I'm hoping for, isn't really an option for me. It's possible, but very very unlikely. So the chances of me being able to permanently move out there next year are slim, and I don't want to bank on that.
I've done long-distance when I was doing my undergraduate degree for 5 years and found it to be alright, but that was when we were both in the UK (plus in hindsight, it wasn't the greatest relationship). But my partner is a massive workaholic and between that, starting a new job, and being in a different time-zone, I'm unsure how he's going to adapt to being long distance. The time-zone thing, in particular, is really daunting. He's also not planning on coming back to teh UK very often at all. He's really optimistic that we can work through it, and says that it'll be up to me where I move once my PhD is done and he's open to trying to follow me there when he's finished his position in DC.
Another issue- much of mine and my partner's relationship has been dealing with my depression, and he's amazing at helping me get through it. So I'm especially worried that he's not going to be around when I'm going through the hardest part of my PhD and also many of my closest friends have finished their PhDs and moved away too. I'm a massive pessimist, and am really struggling to visualise how on earth I'm going to get through all of this.
So basically, I'm trying to ask does anyone have any advice about 1. Long-distance relationships across time zones, 2. trying to build a life when you're both annoyingly career-focused and 3. Long-distance relationships when one of you has depression. Anything would be helpful- or just someone telling me that this isn't the worst idea in the world ever.
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