US/UK - He's jobless, is it hopeless?
I used to use this forum years ago when I was "young and dumb" and dating random boys from online games I'd be playing. Now, 30, I'd come to the conclusion that it's just not going to work for me. I've hit "my stride" in life and now am a gainfully employed independent girl who's mission in life is to pay off debt and go to Disney World at least twice a year. I'm the happiest I have ever been in my entire life, and relationships aren't really something I'm looking for anymore. I guess I've kind of come to the conclusion that being single is okay. That's not to say I wouldn't date the right person, he just hasn't crossed my path yet.
Now enter, "UK", UK has been a gaming friend of mine for about a year now, and very quickly became fond of me. We did the whole "get married in game for in game benefits thing", we co-run a guild together, and everyone around us very much sees us as a couple. We act very couple-like even though we talk about it regularly that one of my "golden rules of dating" is viability, and a big piece of viability in an international LDR is employment.
He is in the tragic state many people are, caught in the crevice between a college degree and job applications that all require "3 years experience" and has been for almost a year. I definitely understand the difficulty he's encountering and do believe he's making a good effort to keep trying looking for jobs, and he does luckily have a support system where he isn't doing any detrimental damage while being unemployed.
I adore him, and I'm honestly amazed he's stayed as dedicated to me as he has for so long.
For me, at 30, however, financial independence is an absolute must for me when it comes to my partner, further amplified with the difficulties closing the distance internationally. As much as it would be wonderful to just dissolve and say "yes lets date" all of my logic says that's stupid because it doesn't mean anything, it can't grow or go anywhere till he is independent and I know that my heart just won't be okay with it and it is just much easier for me to let nature take its course and commit to dating after progression in the relationship possible, it's a major part of a sense of "security" for me. I've dated unemployed men before and both of those men were deadbeats, promised me the world that they were getting their lives together but neither ever delivered. Needless to say, I'm disenchanted by promises of getting their life together.
Obviously, he's younger than me, and he is in the thick of what I knew what the most difficult parts of my own life, so I'm giving him as much patience and love as I can as a friend, since I know I would put on too much pressure if I began approaching everything as an "us" situation. I just don't know if this is unfairly stringing him along, but I also don't want to "give up" on him nor does he want me to.
I don't believe in things like "butterflies" and "meant to be's" anymore. At 30 years old I see realities, end games, costs, sadly. All I want in life is to have a best friend who's literally my BFF, and he's definitely my best friend right now, there are just too many hurdles we can't possibly get over at the moment.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Am I old and cynical? Burned by past relationships? or rightfully cautious?
And where do I go from here?
Now enter, "UK", UK has been a gaming friend of mine for about a year now, and very quickly became fond of me. We did the whole "get married in game for in game benefits thing", we co-run a guild together, and everyone around us very much sees us as a couple. We act very couple-like even though we talk about it regularly that one of my "golden rules of dating" is viability, and a big piece of viability in an international LDR is employment.
He is in the tragic state many people are, caught in the crevice between a college degree and job applications that all require "3 years experience" and has been for almost a year. I definitely understand the difficulty he's encountering and do believe he's making a good effort to keep trying looking for jobs, and he does luckily have a support system where he isn't doing any detrimental damage while being unemployed.
I adore him, and I'm honestly amazed he's stayed as dedicated to me as he has for so long.
For me, at 30, however, financial independence is an absolute must for me when it comes to my partner, further amplified with the difficulties closing the distance internationally. As much as it would be wonderful to just dissolve and say "yes lets date" all of my logic says that's stupid because it doesn't mean anything, it can't grow or go anywhere till he is independent and I know that my heart just won't be okay with it and it is just much easier for me to let nature take its course and commit to dating after progression in the relationship possible, it's a major part of a sense of "security" for me. I've dated unemployed men before and both of those men were deadbeats, promised me the world that they were getting their lives together but neither ever delivered. Needless to say, I'm disenchanted by promises of getting their life together.
Obviously, he's younger than me, and he is in the thick of what I knew what the most difficult parts of my own life, so I'm giving him as much patience and love as I can as a friend, since I know I would put on too much pressure if I began approaching everything as an "us" situation. I just don't know if this is unfairly stringing him along, but I also don't want to "give up" on him nor does he want me to.
I don't believe in things like "butterflies" and "meant to be's" anymore. At 30 years old I see realities, end games, costs, sadly. All I want in life is to have a best friend who's literally my BFF, and he's definitely my best friend right now, there are just too many hurdles we can't possibly get over at the moment.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Am I old and cynical? Burned by past relationships? or rightfully cautious?
And where do I go from here?
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