Big Dilemma!

[Mimi123]

Hi everyone, (I'll try not to ramble and I'll break the text up so that it's easier to read)

So I've been in an LDR for coming up for 2 years on Sunday. I met him for the first time in person in June and we got engaged. So the issue recently is that we haven't been talking as much as I'd like for the past few months. There has been other times where we haven't talked much in the past. The recent reason was due to a family member of his passing away which happened in September and then since then there has been weeks where we haven't spoken. I understand that he was hurting but it's hard going a long time without talking and not knowing what's going on. It makes me extremely sad and it's hard to carry on when I feel like this. I'm in my last year of uni and sometimes I just want to cry and not do my work. I've tried to explain how it's hard for me but I think he thinks that I'm being harsh and not understanding. But it's not just the passing of his family member, sometimes he's busy working and we don't get to talk. For me I need more time with my loved one. It's like I'm a flower that needs watering. I'm not a cactus.

I love him so much so much. I have all the memories of our trip. I only want him. And I'm so confused. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I'm going insane. I'm so confused. He says that when we're together it will be easier. But how do I know that? How do I know he will open up to me when things go wrong or that he'll message me when he travels? Should I just accept the time that he can give to me and wait till we can be together or should I realise that he doesn't have enough time for me and let him go? I'm so sad I just don't know what to do. I need your advice guys! Thank you!

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Is he still keeping basic communication with you, even if it's just good morning, goodnight, etc?

My fiance is going through a rough time this year, and he lost his dog of 11 years in september. But he is still talking to me, though not as much as I would like. So I get what you mean about wanting to give him space, but still needing his interest. That's perfectly natural in my opinion.

What has he been like in previous tough spots? Was he the same then?

It might just be his way of dealing with grief. I would say isolating is a common response to stress of any sort.

My guy is struggling with communication lately too, but I know he struggles a lot at the end of the year. I am trying to keep positive too, but it is so hard when you feel that you're not being given enough time with your partner.

[Mimi123]

Hi thanks for replying.

Well we've spoken yesterday and the day before. I kind of feel bad because I was just talking about how we haven't been speaking recently. I feel like I've made him feel bad . When he's away I don't hear from him at all. Only a few times a month. And I worry really bad. When bad things happen he says he prefers to stay away. But sometimes I also don't hear from him when he's busy with work. I hope that he's back now cause we've spoken for the last few days but it's always a worry that something will happen and he'll go again. I think I will talk to him about our future in terms of how we're going to go about living together and being togther permanently. If we have a plan maybe I'll feel better.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

No worries.

Plans can help, as long as you're prepared to change them if necessary, as life likes to throw curveballs.

My guy doesn't travel, but he can seem distant at times regardless.
We've just recently changed our plan as we are both finding this so hard. The new version takes at least 1 year off, which helps. Downside is we'd be marrying in England, which I didn't want for many reasons. But if the main goal is closing the distance asap, then that is how it will have to go. I feel like we can't win whatever we choose.