I need some insight

[Yellowlemondrop000]

Hi all 😃

Brand new member needing some insight!!

How do you know (or what are the warning signs) of your LDR not working out or if your significant other is only talking to you out of boredom and something to do rather than it being an actual and serious thing for them?

[autumn1790]

I could tell it was serious for me when I would stay up to odd hours of the night just to be able to spend more time chatting...when we sent care packages to each other...when we built each other up in times of stress ... I could tell it was serious when he moved countries to be closer to me...when we talk of a future with just us.
Every relationship is different, and LDRs are the same way. There's no key to the answers, although I really wish there was!
What makes you think it's just a time pass for your partner? Is it based on real cues they're sending, or overthinking about all the what ifs?

[Yellowlemondrop000]

Honestly it’s a mixture of both. We were both closer distance wise and emotionally until he had to go back to his home country a year back. At times it feels like he doesn’t want to talk on the phone or video chat anymore. He just texts mostly. It’s been a tumultuous relationship from the beginning. Involving lots of hurt and anger. Lately it’s the phone calls. It’s been weeks and I’ve been asking and asking but no time seems right for him. He could be genuinely busy but I don’t know anymore.

[vivid_idea]

Hmm I don’t think it is healthy to go weeks feeling like your SO is avoiding you. Just recently things got so difficult for me and my SO that he didn’t speak to me for a week. He has never done that before, but he has promised me he would never just vanish (I guess a deep deep down fear for those of us in LDR) Anyway, we have talked it through since for hours and I feel we find more clarity. Even more than before.

I agree with Autumn, there are no hard rules but generally your SO should be showing that they care about you and are committed to you. By asking questions about you, remembering important things, making regular time to catch up etc. Being affectionate and appreciative of each other is also essential imo too.

Does he do these things still? If not, then I would be requesting that you have a focused conversation where he lets you voice your concerns.

Good luck!