How do/did you deal with uncertainty?

[Atlantic Crossroads]

We've gotten stuck. Our relationship has stalled because he's worried about:
moving to another country (England),
not having a guarantee to stay in England,
what to do with his pets (an old cat, and an old snub nosed dog).

I told him that I'm his guarantee to stay, and that we can move the furries. I've shared with him my experience of moving countries, so I'm out of ideas now.

Any help or advice I can share with him please? Cos I'm out of ideas.

[MsGrim]

I am afraid I don't have much advice to give, other to remain supportive; I am sure that if I were in his shoes, I would be feeling the same way. Best of luck <3

[Redheart14]

We've gotten stuck. Our relationship has stalled because he's worried about:
moving to another country (England),
not having a guarantee to stay in England,
what to do with his pets (an old cat, and an old snub nosed dog).

I told him that I'm his guarantee to stay, and that we can move the furries. I've shared with him my experience of moving countries, so I'm out of ideas now.

Any help or advice I can share with him please? Cos I'm out of ideas.

Are you still together? I thought you broke up?

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Are you still together? I thought you broke up?

We did break up...for all of 36 hours. It's complicated, but we want to be together. He's having trouble wrapping his head around the distance between us and moving country. The only way I could attempt to describe it is that we're a pair of conjoined twins. It's hard to be together, but it's impossible to be apart.

[Redheart14]

Are you applying for visas? That might help ease his mind a bit.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Are you applying for visas? That might help ease his mind a bit.

No. I was due to move back to England in September, and start working to meet the financial requirements. Then we would marry in Arizona, and apply for a spousal visa for the UK.

But I've realised that all needs to go on the back burner for now. He's in a downward spiral again, and it's been causing problems for us. He needs treatment for his PTSD, and that has to come first. I've said I'm happy to use the savings to pay for his treatment, but he needs to source a therapist with experience in PTSD.

[kate04]

I’ve got no advice but big hugs. This sounds so difficult. I hope you are looking after yourself and you have support x

[hihi55]

Hii it's seem that you got engaged congrats!
So I think that it's important that he want come to England, if he don't like the country maybe you can find an alternative? But if it's just about worried and anxiety I think the more important is to tell him that you are with him all time... Maybe he don't want to depend on you financially? Ask him real things for know exactly why I don't want moving because cat and dog can't be a reason for me now we can bring back pet in plane it's not a problem... I hope my text can help you

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I’ve got no advice but big hugs. This sounds so difficult. I hope you are looking after yourself and you have support x

It is very hard. It doesn't help that I have my own mental health issues, so when he withdraws I take it personally, and I can get argumentative and lash out. It's a big challenge in all respects.
It doesn't help that my therapy is suspended due to this virus either. And all my groups are cancelled.

[Redheart14]

Please remember to look after yourself too. I know you care about him but if you fall in a screaming heap you’re no good to anyone.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Hii it's seem that you got engaged congrats!
So I think that it's important that he want come to England, if he don't like the country maybe you can find an alternative? But if it's just about worried and anxiety I think the more important is to tell him that you are with him all time... Maybe he don't want to depend on you financially? Ask him real things for know exactly why I don't want moving because cat and dog can't be a reason for me now we can bring back pet in plane it's not a problem... I hope my text can help you

He's yet to see England, so that is on the list to do before we can close the distance.
I've said to him that we can explore Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland if need be. So those are our back ups if we need them.
The reason he's moving to me is financial, as he can't afford to sponsor me moving to America. Having said that, we both acknowledge that I wouldn't be happy living out there anyway.

He's worried about being able to make it in England. But I told him that once he has the spousal visa, he's legally able to work, and I don't see him having trouble making friends. Where he lives now is isolated, and he has no friends and very little family. It's definitely made his PTSD a lot worse. So us being long distance just amplifies his loneliness.

Both his pets are old, so there is the possibility that they might not survive the journey. Plus the basic logistics of moving them with a couple of thousand pounds to fly them over, plus microchipping, vaccines, and health certificates. Not to mention crates for each and getting them to and from the airport either side.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

Please remember to look after yourself too. I know you care about him but if you fall in a screaming heap you’re no good to anyone.

I'm doing my best, but I would agree there is room for improvement.
It wasn't until this morning that I finally put the pieces together about his recent behaviour, and realised I'd been handling it wrong. I do forget that he's going through his own battles, and that he has no help with his.

[vivid_idea]

Hi, I’m sorry it’s so hard and frustrating for you. Distance sucks :/ Can’t offer any advice atm but there is support here for you <3

[chester]

I think the best way is to keep doing stuff together: playing games together, reading the same books, watching the same movies and series etc. It helps you to create more common topics to share when you are feeling stuck.

[tokyo blues]

Hi i just read this and I hope you are doing Fine. I am on the other side of the road: I had planned all my life my life in Germany. But he is in the U.S. all though I don't mind relocating my dreams and future to another country, it is hard for me to think that if I move and get married i will resign to everything i had built over the years. But what i did do was research. Try to look for legal advice as to a way to lessen uncertainty maybe doing a work permit with his visa. That could ease his mind a bit. Now as it concerns about uncertainty we have to live for facts: and the fact is he certainly loves you. Best energy and wishesssss 😊😊 . im sorry for my english but im not native