I’m scared that I wont need him in my life anymore

[zzzquil]

So me and my SO are from different countries. We met in university and spent 2 years living together, in between we had to go through a few stretches of ldr when I had to go back to my home country, longest being 4 months. Now that we both graduated, I just went back to my home country and we are 2 weeks into our first ldr after graduation, meaning I wont be back to university anymore, I will only be able to visit him, and the visits will at most only last 2 days. and now because of the whole corona thing, I cant visit him any time soon.

When we are together, I am the happiest. I do everything with him, and ever since the whole lockdown thing since we’re stuck at home, I am basically with him 24/7. We rarely fight when we’re together, and ever since I got together with him, my mind seems to always revolve around him.

When I first got back 2 weeks ago, I had to be quarantined and since I was alone and away from my SO, I had a really really hard time. I had anxiety everyday and I would wake up looking for him every night. I would text him all the time and if he doesnt reply to me within minutes, I would get all upset and cry. He was very patient with me, and he understands that I felt that way because I was isolated from people. He said I would be okay once I’m done with quarantine.

Now I just got out of quarantine, and things have been keeping me slightly busy. He has also been busy the past few days. I can sleep better now and I dont wait around for his messages and calls anymore. But I’ve been having this really weird feeling. Deep down inside I dont want to feel better. I want to be able to keep him inside my mind every single minute. I cant seem to let myself have fun without him. Every time I feel happy for even just a second, I’d get sad instantly when I think about him. I feel guilty for being happy without him with me. And I also feel a little upset when he’s having fun with his friends, I feel like I’m missing out on his life. How do I deal with this feeling? I love him a lot and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. But since we dont have a fixed date on when we are going to meet again, I am scared that life here will keep him away from my mind and I will slowly be able to be happy without him. I’m worried that I will slowly forget the happy times I spent with him.

[Junglebook]

I think it is very important to be happy without him. He is not your life. He has to add something to your life that you are already happy with.

Don’t be afraid that you will forget about him or that he will forget about you.
Ldr is hard yes but it’s getting harder when you torture yourself this much.
Time is passing by quicker when you have fun. You will remember the happy times with him.
I even remember the happy times with my ex boyfriend from almost 10 years ago.
I remember the happy times with my friends who walked out of my life 12 years ago.
Those memories don’t fade so quickly.

Yes it’s frustrating not to know when you will see your SO again, I understand that.
But try to have some fun. Involve him by making short video’s and send him these. Take pictures of the things you do. Right letters, game together. Watch movies together. You are on distance but in your hearts you are still connected!

Good luck and stay strong!

[MsGrim]

I agree with Junglebook, it's so important to be happy without him! Otherwise, everyone in a LDR would be miserable for most of their relationship. I'm sure its a hard transition from being with him everyday to not knowing when you will see him again but you got this. If you love him like you say you do, then "forgetting" him is not going to happen. Include each other in your lives as I am sure you already do. Plan virtual dates and make sure you are getting that quality time with him.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I relate to this a lot. Both me and my fiance have mental health issues, so our social circles are very small. When we first started out, we both felt like we had to be available 24/7 for each other and felt guilty for having fun apart. But this will pass with time. You will both find a balance that works for you. It likely won't stay the same for the duration of your relationship, but the nature of a LDR is change and adaptation. We're 2 years together now, but I still have the odd moment when I'm sad because we're not enjoying life together. I won't say that it necessarily gets easier, but the moments do lessen and you just keep going. He sounds like a supportive and reassuring partner, so I'd say you're in safe hands.

[Domi]

It s good to be able to be jappy without your SO. But I understand how you feel. I constantly get feelings of doubt and fear that when me and my boyfriend finally meet again feelings between us wont be the same. The covid ruined it for all...

[Christophe516]

I think it is very important to be happy without him. He is not your life. He has to add something to your life that you are already happy with.

Don’t be afraid that you will forget about him or that he will forget about you.
Ldr is hard yes but it’s getting harder when you torture yourself this much.
Time is passing by quicker when you have fun. You will remember the happy times with him.
I even remember the happy times with my ex boyfriend from almost 10 years ago.
I remember the happy times with my friends who walked out of my life 12 years ago.
Those memories don’t fade so quickly.

Yes it’s frustrating not to know when you will see your SO again, I understand that.
But try to have some fun. Involve him by making short video’s and send him these. Take pictures of the things you do. Right letters, game together. Watch movies together. You are on distance but in your hearts you are still connected!

Good luck and stay strong!

So me and my SO are from different countries. We met in university and spent 2 years living together, in between we had to go through a few stretches of ldr when I had to go back to my home country, longest being 4 months. Now that we both graduated, I just went back to my home country and we are 2 weeks into our first ldr after graduation, meaning I wont be back to university anymore, I will only be able to visit him, and the visits will at most only last 2 days. and now because of the whole corona thing, I cant visit him any time soon.

When we are together, I am the happiest. I do everything with him, and ever since the whole lockdown thing since we’re stuck at home, I am basically with him 24/7. We rarely fight when we’re together, and ever since I got together with him, my mind seems to always revolve around him.

When I first got back 2 weeks ago, I had to be quarantined and since I was alone and away from my SO, I had a really really hard time. I had anxiety everyday and I would wake up looking for him every night. I would text him all the time and if he doesnt reply to me within minutes, I would get all upset and cry. He was very patient with me, and he understands that I felt that way because I was isolated from people. He said I would be okay once I’m done with quarantine.

Now I just got out of quarantine, and things have been keeping me slightly busy. He has also been busy the past few days. I can sleep better now and I dont wait around for his messages and calls anymore. But I’ve been having this really weird feeling. Deep down inside I dont want to feel better. I want to be able to keep him inside my mind every single minute. I cant seem to let myself have fun without him. Every time I feel happy for even just a second, I’d get sad instantly when I think about him. I feel guilty for being happy without him with me. And I also feel a little upset when he’s having fun with his friends, I feel like I’m missing out on his life. How do I deal with this feeling? I love him a lot and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. But since we dont have a fixed date on when we are going to meet again, I am scared that life here will keep him away from my mind and I will slowly be able to be happy without him. I’m worried that I will slowly forget the happy times I spent with him.

zzzquil, I partially agree w/ Junglebook. On the 'what if(you do)'. Because, Every waking moment. Cannot exist. For thinking about him. At the same time. There are tools on LFAD. To keep an LDR alive. Take note of them. To keep your LDR fire burning.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gY_SbSIG0U