Australia / Norway

[Jen72]

Been in a LDR for 4 years since the first time we met .this Covid 19 has really made it so hard . We are both 48 , just days apart from each other. We have been talking every day for 5 years now . Hes visited me 2 times and ive visited him once . So good to live with each other . He plans to eventually move to Europe but hes getting some quals first so better to find a job here. That could not happen in til late 22 or even 23 . Im so sad all the time , the stress of everyday living is projecting too much, that i think i made him think he aint good enoughfor me . Im scared and anxious all the time hes going to meet a new girl . Despite hes a nerd . He is my nerd . The school he recently started hes talking all day with loads of people and all his emotional energy is going to them . Im constantly jealous and questioning him about girls in the class . I hate being this way . We plan to marry this os our goal but sometimes i find im trying to cut my feelings off so he wont hurt me if he goes . I could not bare to be without him . Hes so occupied with studies and his new passion of coding . So wheb i call hes like doing the coding stuff . It irritates me as now i feel like when he was unemployed and wasnt being socialy stimulated then i was good enough then but now maybe im not enough . I dont know if im projecting this or just imagining it . Any advice to calm me down any one thanx

[vivid_idea]

Hi Jen,

I just wanted to empathise with your story a little. My SO is also in Europe (I am in Australia) and lately he has also been busy with his programming work. It sometimes feels like he is too busy for me. He also is in between jobs and I know once he gets a new position that he will be meeting new people and even busier...

I have trust issues and I imagine that the most likely thing would be that he will eventually leave me. Sometimes I feel myself holding back because of this fear. I know this isn’t very uplifting but I will try to remind myself of the positives while I am telling them to you

- you have been in a LDR for a long long time. That means something. That’s special. You don’t just replace that over night. He is obviously very committed to you. Hold onto that thought.

- It’s healthy for him to be active in his life and doing new things. It will make him happier and ultimately make it easier for you to be together one day and your support will mean so much to him.

I hope this helps a bit. As a woman who knows what it’s like to overthink everything, I know how emotionally stressed you must be feeling. Hugs to you

[Jen72]

I feel your pain ,but ive now decided to take my own pain and not fear any more. We had a lovely chat today and said some things , reminded each other why we do what we do . If i continue on this road of fear i will not onlly loose my soul mate but my best freind . I think leading up to this was another catalyst in my private life , which made me so insecure about myself . The Covid aint helping . Here in Norway now its just starting to be spring . So i need to think like the seasons . Spring think of all the love i can give him as he goes into winter . I have issues but i cant allow a situation like covid manifest my fears to the rxtreme . Im so grateful to see that its time to be more authentic with myself and my man . I love him so . I cant wait to visit him as soon as the vacine passports get in place . Got to keep up hope & love i

[vivid_idea]

So i need to think like the seasons . Spring think of all the love i can give him as he goes into winter .

This is such a sweet sentiment. I will remember it and keep the ever-changing seasons in mind too.

[Jen72]

Love celebrating the seasons , You ae so welcome ❤️ So its 3.30 ish my time in Norway and 12.30 in Oz . So i just said goodnight to my man . After we had brunch ( he ate ) and i talk he he so yeah the small things matter. Have a lovely day ❤️

[vivid_idea]

You would have been saying good night/good day at the same time as us. We have the same time zone difference.

I just said good night to my man now ❤️

[Jen72]

My man is just up and hes going to doban exam as we speak. Hm ive been such a moody cow lately . Im so jealous and anxious about him meeting som cool avaliable woman on this course he is doing . Ive got 16 months left to endure of this . I dont know how to cope . To be honest . .. so off topic now but i had to say it out lound.

[vivid_idea]

Ha, interesting parallels but my SO will likely be starting a new job soon and so, like you, my mind sometimes entertains worries about him meeting new people and what that could mean for us.

It is so horrible when you let your mind whisk you away with such thoughts. Trust is so goddamn hard in an LDR sometimes.

I can be a moody cow too lol

Just keep that communication and conversation flowing is my advice. It’s ok to feel insecure sometimes. As long as we work on it and our SOs are understanding and supportive.