Hello everyone, i like to thank in advance for any rational and good advice.
Im in a LDR since 1,5 years now. I met my bf for 2 month and then our ways needed to separate bc of different places to live. Since then we´ve been separated for 9 month. For me it was a horrible time: had like 3 dates on the phone, bf always fell asleep, we had often a conversation about him not putting enough effort in that relationship so as trustissues were a caused problem.. gratefully then it got better and better bc he took my desperate requirements serious.
It is not a very romantic relationship, of course were two different individuals, i love him for what he is, so we constantly try to find solutions and compromises. I appreciate that.
We finally saw each other for a short while and it was a very beautiful time for me. Now were separated again and the old patterns continue.. Additionally i observe how my character changes bc of all that emotions coming thru, i considered myself as a very rational girl, very lovely and open for conversations/problems/solutions simply always try to be understanding. Now there is a lot of frustration, desperate thoughts, sadness etc, i am very exhausted.. actions from his side hurt me very much meanwhile bc i got very sensitive already.
(I apologize for that extensive description)
Anyways, i communicated very very often what i think and how i feel, my bf does understand but it seems like .. i cant even describe anymore how it seems bc all those emotions blurry my realistic assessment.. it seems like were runnin in circles. Theres effort but not and theres understanding but somehow not a satisfying change in that relationship. Our goals constantly reschedule bc of fair circumstances on one side (like covid) and unfortunately .. lazy behavior on the other side.
I was excited to meet him after 2 month of separation, but then he decided “rationally” that even he misses me, two weeks of seeing each other is not a good relation to spend a lot of money for flights and other efforts. It would be fine to wait maybe 4 more month etc.
I do understand the rational way of thinking, yes, saving money is a reasonable point. but either him nor me are in a critical financial status.. so who the fuck cares to spend that money? I guess it gets clear that i start to get impatient.
Now getting to my questions to experienced and belovingly ppl out there:
How do you hold on to a very typical relationship (ups downs) in long distance?
How do you assess my situation?
I would love to manage a move to his country, i would do crazy stuff to get together and settle down with him. I guess i got into a very dependent position bc i really did a lot from my side, which is right when the person is worth it. But i stopped. His actions block me from putting effort and be motivated. i feel like i want to end everything. I dont have the energy or emotional stability to ask for dates, cute moves from my side, basically anything what keeps a relationship alive.
A conversation about wrong settled priorities from his side, showed me that he thinks that im in first place, but his actions are very mixed up. I realized that hes in general like that, not just related to me.
So.. idk anymore. It breaks my heart..
He send me flowers thru my sister for valentines, such a beautiful gesture, but.. idk it is so hard and i cant feel the excitement anymore.. I realy try bc i feel unfair to block his other efforts thru my upset feelings.. but idk anymore. I changed and i am sick of it..
Maybe a different point of view will help me see things clear. whatever this shall mean.
God bless everyone, stay safe and wish a lot of happiness.
Im in a LDR since 1,5 years now. I met my bf for 2 month and then our ways needed to separate bc of different places to live. Since then we´ve been separated for 9 month. For me it was a horrible time: had like 3 dates on the phone, bf always fell asleep, we had often a conversation about him not putting enough effort in that relationship so as trustissues were a caused problem.. gratefully then it got better and better bc he took my desperate requirements serious.
It is not a very romantic relationship, of course were two different individuals, i love him for what he is, so we constantly try to find solutions and compromises. I appreciate that.
We finally saw each other for a short while and it was a very beautiful time for me. Now were separated again and the old patterns continue.. Additionally i observe how my character changes bc of all that emotions coming thru, i considered myself as a very rational girl, very lovely and open for conversations/problems/solutions simply always try to be understanding. Now there is a lot of frustration, desperate thoughts, sadness etc, i am very exhausted.. actions from his side hurt me very much meanwhile bc i got very sensitive already.
(I apologize for that extensive description)
Anyways, i communicated very very often what i think and how i feel, my bf does understand but it seems like .. i cant even describe anymore how it seems bc all those emotions blurry my realistic assessment.. it seems like were runnin in circles. Theres effort but not and theres understanding but somehow not a satisfying change in that relationship. Our goals constantly reschedule bc of fair circumstances on one side (like covid) and unfortunately .. lazy behavior on the other side.
I was excited to meet him after 2 month of separation, but then he decided “rationally” that even he misses me, two weeks of seeing each other is not a good relation to spend a lot of money for flights and other efforts. It would be fine to wait maybe 4 more month etc.
I do understand the rational way of thinking, yes, saving money is a reasonable point. but either him nor me are in a critical financial status.. so who the fuck cares to spend that money? I guess it gets clear that i start to get impatient.
Now getting to my questions to experienced and belovingly ppl out there:
How do you hold on to a very typical relationship (ups downs) in long distance?
How do you assess my situation?
I would love to manage a move to his country, i would do crazy stuff to get together and settle down with him. I guess i got into a very dependent position bc i really did a lot from my side, which is right when the person is worth it. But i stopped. His actions block me from putting effort and be motivated. i feel like i want to end everything. I dont have the energy or emotional stability to ask for dates, cute moves from my side, basically anything what keeps a relationship alive.
A conversation about wrong settled priorities from his side, showed me that he thinks that im in first place, but his actions are very mixed up. I realized that hes in general like that, not just related to me.
So.. idk anymore. It breaks my heart..
He send me flowers thru my sister for valentines, such a beautiful gesture, but.. idk it is so hard and i cant feel the excitement anymore.. I realy try bc i feel unfair to block his other efforts thru my upset feelings.. but idk anymore. I changed and i am sick of it..
Maybe a different point of view will help me see things clear. whatever this shall mean.
God bless everyone, stay safe and wish a lot of happiness.
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