Are you open to your family about your relationship?

[brazil]

I have several problems with intimacy, especially with my family. In all of my family, the only people who know about both my sexuality and my LDR are my mother, my gay cousin and my psychologist other cousin. And even so I don't talk to them much. I don't ask for advice, I don't open up and I don't even say anything about it... But at least they know...

My girlfriend on the other hand has only her sister and she's like me, she doesn't open up or talk about our relationship, her sister just knows. All the others think she's straight.

I was wondering what's the situation with you, your partner and family.

[halfwayacross]

Both my partner and I are out to our families. Though it was a long process (for me at least). Both my partner and I were living in Texas (my family is in NJ) while I was going to law school, so it was very easy for me to simply just not let them into that part of my life. The result was that I was unintentionally irritable towards them when they would broach the subject of me dating anyone (just a defense mechanism from my being uncomfortable with discussing it) and also, obviously really limiting the potential of my relationship with my family as a result of holding back such a huge part of who I am and my partner, who obviously is a huge part of my life. Not to mention it hurt my partner a bit too, that I wasn't sharing that part of my life with her.

When I got my job that would relocate me back to NJ for a year, I told myself that I needed to be out by the time I got there, so that I could use the year to improve my relationship with them and let them into my life before I moved back to Texas for good. And, in my normal fashion, I did so at the last possible time I could, haha. Everything went perfectly fine, though. My family has been extremely accepting, for which I am grateful, and are really just happy I found someone who makes me happy and drives me forward. I think the most intense thing about it, for me personally, was the amount of guilt I felt in hiding it from them. For some reason (and please, understand, this is not a reflection on anyone else's choice of if/when to come out, this was just my personal feeling with regards to my own experience), I felt like all the effort I put into hiding everything from them suggested I didn't trust that they'd be accepting of me (which wasn't true, I always knew it'd in the end be just fine). And as cliche as it all sounds, telling them really did lift a weight off of my shoulders. I won't pretend everything's always fine and dandy, it's still a little awkward at times, because everyone's still sort of "adjusting" but it is definitely an improvement for everyone.

My partner has been out to her family for a few years, and it's generally a nonissue. In fact, seeing her interact with them so positively was a big motivating factor in my finally coming out to my family.

But I don't necessarily think there's a right or wrong way to do things or a right/wrong time to do come out. I do think it generally is better to not internalize things and it generally is better to have a support network, but the most important thing is finding your comfort level and working from there.

[LittleLionMan]

A small portion of my family I am open to, but yes I am open about it. I got nothing to hide.

[brazil]

@halfwayacross: How long had you been with your partner/gay at all before you were open to your family.

As for me, I've been in homosexual relationships (gay, per se) for 7 years, and with my partner for almost 3 years. I came out LDR closet for my mother less than a year of being together, but I've never been really open about it...

[halfwayacross]

We'd been together for a little less than a year at that point. But in fair disclosure, it's been an ongoing process. So, I hadn't come out to my brother, for instance, until fairly recently. However, I had kept it a secret for a pretty long time. I just turned 26 this month, and have been dating women for about 6 years.

[Spriteling]

I'm out to my friends, but not to my family whatsoever. My family are all very religious, so I don't know how they'd take it. Sigh.

[Darth_Taco]

I'm not out to any of my family yet :P. They know about my relationship though xD. That happens due to the fact that I'm transgender, as many of you know or have suspected :P. So yeah, my loved ones don't know that part of me yet XP. I'm in a very... interesting position. I'm related to fucking nutjobs xD. No seriously, they're like "burn the fags" crazy @_@. Thankfully my immediate family is cool, but right now we have one of my aunts living with us (we sort of saved her from indentured servitude :P). So yeah, with her around it makes it very difficult to come out. I kind of have to do it soon though because I intend to begin to medically transition sometime in the near future. I'm 22, it's time I look like a grown man xD.

[Caitlin2009]

Me and Denise have been out to our family's since we started being serious with our relationship. Her parents were very supportive from the beginning and had known all along anyway.......mine on the other hand O_o yeah both my mom and dad were not that thrilled with it, when i had first come out my dad told me "great....thanks for ruining the family" and my mom was forever asking me why i told her i was straight when i really wasent, ect ect. But since then it has taken them a few years but they have come to terms with it, they always ask about Denise even talk to her from time to time, my father no longer heaves a heavy sigh and rolls his eyes whenever he sees a same sex couple be intimate, my mom has come along way with now understanding that were born this way its not something we choose in fact she said to me a little while ago "it must be some chemicle in your brain before you were born that was different in some sort of way" progress! im out to all my family and friends, i'll even bring it up to people i hardly know if im talking to them although im wary when doing so as i dont know how they'll react! But i dont have anything to hide either, im a lesbian and im proud of who i am

[Dustin]

Well, everyone on my end knows about my boyfriend and myself. I personally don't have an issue with it, and I have been openly pansexual for quite some time. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has not told many people. I don't think the majority of his family knows, but his brother does. One of them at least. He has no issue telling people he is friends with online, but offline he doesn't really have anyone he wishes to tell. Too much complications I suppose, or maybe he is just afraid of the reactions. He plans to tell people eventually. He will be moving out of his parent's house in 14 days, so he will be out on his own. Maybe that will give him a bit of courage to confess.

[ilovemysquishybaby]

A couple of my friends know, to be honest I'm only nervous telling my parents I'm bisexual because I kinda know my mothers feelings on it. She's said she will be disappointed but I don't think she'd go any further than that. Because she has lesbian friends at work so I'm sure she's not against it as a whole but she doesn't understand it at all.

I have told my brother who said "darn it now you'll get all the good girls!" :3 I knew there was a reason I loved the brat. :P He's also said if my Mum says anything against it he'll always have my back and he'll stick up for me no matter what.

To be honest I'm not exactly sure how to bring it up with my parents, I mean I'm not sure they'll take all of it at once. It'd have to be like... okay I'm bi. Then ease into the fact that it's a long distance relationship.

My girlfriend on the other hand doesn't want to tell her mother until she's out of high school. I said I understand that cause she had a rule she wasn't going to date until she finished (and I feel really guilty for blurting out my question) and I think she's nervous. She doesn't want any of her friends to know and I really don't mind although I would absolutely love to shout from the rooftops how much she means to me, I myself am just getting used to this being with a girl thing. We are getting more comfortable with it each day. ^^

[dappergq]

My whole family knows I'm queer. I am trans*, and that didn't come out until about three years ago. My youngest brother (age 8) doesn't know about that, because my parents aren't ready for him to know. He does, however, know I changed my name. (It's a gender-neutral name, so it doesn't raise too many questions.)

Right now, I haven't told many people (including my parents) that I'm in an LDR. Mostly because all of my romances end in me being the one left, and they're a little wary of me being involved at all. At the same time, I am with someone who also breaks gender conventions, and I don't want my parents, or anyone else, thinking that because I'm with a guy, I must no longer be queer or trans*. So I'm waiting until it progresses a bit further, and I can get my parents at least to truly accept me as their son before I start adding more to the mix.

[kimmidyann]

Late to the game but definitely wanted to reply.

Both of our parents know but her parents are severely not okay with it. They found out about 3 months into our relationship and this was when we had no distance between us. They took her phone, her internet, etc. We saw each other at school but that was ALL we were allowed to do. When I was a freshman in college and she was a senior in High School we only talked once every 3 months. We hardly saw each other and didn't even get to text/IM. It felt like a long distance relationship but she was a 20 minute walk from my house. /: She couldn't drive so that also made things difficult. Now she moved out to go to college and her parents don't really have a say one way or the other. My parents just try to stay out of it though at one point they did try to get involved and break us apart when they thought her parents were making the relationship too dramatic.