Trans boyfriend doesn't like old pictures.

[kimmidyann]

My boyfriend is Transgender (Female to Male) and he hasn't transitioned yet. We were together before he came out or knew he was Trans (in 2011) for two years. We took so many pictures and some of these include pictures of him with long curly hair, or even of him in dresses. I cherish these moments because it was when we weren't long distance or when we got to celebrate something together. I love him so much and I want to respect his feelings. He says that looking at the pictures sometimes makes him upset because he feels like it isn't him in those pictures. He wasn't comfortable then and he isn't comfortable looking at them now. But pictures are what help me cope with the distance. Every so often I want to post a picture of us together that shows the strength of our relationship, despite the distance.

I really don't want to hurt him but pictures are a huge way for me to express myself. We've talked about this a lot and have found no real solution to the problem. I want to be able to put our High School prom picture on the piano in our house some day when we get married, but for now it's looking like he doesn't want anybody to see these pictures ever.

I know not many of you are dealing with a transgender relationship, but any comments or support would help right now. I'm feeling defeated in the one way I knew how to deal with this distance, and wonder if anybody has an outside perspective.. Maybe it's a phase?

[snow]

I am not trans-gender, but I used to be visibly depressed and anorexic. I took lots of pictures back then to prove to myself that I am not good enough, too fat, etc. etc. So wile my man likes some of those pictures I feel like this person is not me anymore. I have changed in so many ways and feel much more comfortable in my body as is now than a couple years back (I'm getting old it's getting close to 10).
I don't want him to talk about those pictures too much. I know he liked the skinny me in those pictures, but it makes me also feel bad. We agreed that of course he can look at those pictures for as much as he wants - it's my past and I'm not gonna hide them from him, but I don't want him to gloat about them. He can keep them to himself, but I don't need or want to see them.

I understand that pictures are important in an LDR, but if he is truly uncomfortable right now, you should try to respect that. Some day he might be fine with putting your prom picture on the piano, right now he isn't and I wouldn't push it.

[Mims27]

I have to agree with SNOW here. It was probably a very difficult time for him and he probably doesn't want to be remided of it right now. What if you remake "new" pictures, like recreate your prom with who he is today and put those on the mantle. I think that would be really fun and kind of romantic! He may like that. And you can keep the other ones because they mean something to YOU. Maybe it's a silly idea, I don't know! hehe

[differentcountries]

My husband is female to male trans, and I know how it is. I too have been hurt by his way of dealing with our past. One piece of advice; don't discuss how to furnish/decorate your house in the distant future. As long as pictures are not distroyed, no final decitions need be made before you are actually there, and even then there is always room for change.

You need to accept that although you were in a relationship together, he did not feel he could truely express himself and so that reminer is hurtful to him. He have to accept that those pics mean mostly good things to YOU, and that your relationship does not start from scratch just because he is a new man. Even pictures where my husband looks pretty masculine (including our wedding pics) is not always "enough", he wants all the more recent photos where he recognice himself as himself. I have known my husband for 14 years and I don't want to feel as though the past is erased, at the same time it is his body that is on the line, not mine. But he can be impatient, because when you live like that everything should already have happened yesterday. I don't think anything is set in stone though, he himself says that he might feel more generous towards the past once it can truely be past for him.