The paranoia...and us..

[Tommie914]

We've been in a LDR for 3 months now. When I joined the website Chasabl, I had no intentions of a boyfriend. I wanted to feel good about my body. It's a website for bigger guys and people who admire them. It's been three months and he treats me wonderful. We've skyped almost everyday, we kik a lot. We're even planning trips to see each other. I know we've been in the relationship for only short amount of time, but I love him with all my heart as he does me. He was the one who initiated the relationship first. He told his mom, his sister and everyone about me. They all can't wait to meet me. His niece even called me Uncle Tommie. He tells everyone that I'm his future husband.
I'm willing to relocate my life for him. Even though my part will be so challenging. I'm american and he's Canadian. We're almost 18 hours away. My problem is at times I get this jealousy and paranoia that he's doing something. I know he probably isn't but it's there always in the back of my head.
How does one overcome this paranoia. I don't want to tell him cause I'd hate for him to think that I dont trust him.
I guess cause its mostly he got friends who he does still find attractive and his ex is trying to get back into his life.
Am I just over-thinking things? I hate it cause he's been hurt in many relationships and I've been deceived in relationships by cheating before.

[Alsfia]

You just have to learn to trust him and communicate your fears to him in a non-accusing way ("I feel"-statements and so on). You have to seperate your past relationships from your current one (both of you). Maybe he could text you every now and again when he's out with friends and you could do the same?

[jana89]

LDRs are all about trust, I mean, all relationships are, but LDRs even more. You canīt control him and his life 24/7. I had bit of an issue with my SOīs ex in the beginning of our relationship, cause I knew she was trying to get him back. But he was very open with me about it all the time. Once he met her somewhere and she made a move on him and he told her he is happy in relationship with me and she backed up. Then he told me all about it and since then I donīt think about those things any more. You have to learn to trust your partner and he must show you he feels the same about you.

[peppypenguin]

LDRs are all about trust, I mean, all relationships are, but LDRs even more. You canīt control him and his life 24/7. I had bit of an issue with my SOīs ex in the beginning of our relationship, cause I knew she was trying to get him back. But he was very open with me about it all the time. Once he met her somewhere and she made a move on him and he told her he is happy in relationship with me and she backed up. Then he told me all about it and since then I donīt think about those things any more. You have to learn to trust your partner and he must show you he feels the same about you.

Just building on this...I definitely agree that being open with your SO (especially in a LDR) is REALLY important. Of course it's important in any relationship but for LDRs to work I believe both parties have to really, really work at their communication skills. Not necessarily always telling the other person every thing you're doing at every second, but making more of an effort to make your partner feel more involved in your day because he/she isn't there to be able to experience it with you.

So I do think it's important for you to express your feelings, but like someone above said, not in an accusatory way.

But LDRs definitely involve a LOT of trust! And like in any relationship that's something that needs to be built and earned. But one of the best ways to do that is for both parties to be honest and open about their thoughts and feelings! Good luck!

[Tommie914]

thanks for the replies. Sometimes its just so hard. I trust him, its just sometimes my mind creates situations and I'd hate for them to become reality.

[differentcountries]

You may try to reason with your scenarios. If his ex hurt him, why would he care to go back? If he has lots of attractive friends, why is he choosing to be with you?