Public affection

[kittyxuchiha11]

I know there are other posts about showing affection in public but I want to more address LGBT couples about this.
I'm going to visit my SO for the first time in June and I'm a little nervous about showing public affection. mostly because I know how iffy America is about gay couples and such. like normally I wouldn't care about people looking or whatever because I'm used to that since I've been out for a while. But being in a foreign place and knowing how seriously religious some people are I'm a little nervous.

So basically, I'm just making this to get other LGBT couples opinions on public affection. Were you scared or nervous to show affection in public or are you fine with it?
Discuss :3

[snow]

My man's brother-in-law is gay! His partner and him hold hands when they walk around and I think it is endearing!! I haven't seen people give them dirty looks or attack them or anything, but then again we were in New England, so maybe it is different in Pennsylvania, I don't know :o
I would personally not care and just do what feels right to me, but if you are scared about it you can talk to your SO about it and see what kind of experience she has had!

[Mims27]

Hi there! Great idea to start this topic here.

My SO lives in the US...Pennsylvania too as a matter of fact hehe, and she used to live in Georgia. As far as she and I go, we really don't care what people think when we are out in public. We are a very affectionate couple and I'm not going to let other people's opinions or beliefs get in the way of that. If they don't like seeing it, then they don't have to look at us. I was never scared or nervous to do it either. Acutally, we've never had anything negative happen to us while we were out in public and we've been to many places and cites around the US, in the 4+ years we've been together.

Are you nervous about it?

[nottheprincesspeach]

I think the same rules apply for PDA in all relationships, no matter straight or homosexual. Holding hands, being sweet, kissing (not like making out) is what I would say. I'm bisexual, and I follow the same rules no matter the relationship. I live in the South. I have dealt with some comments before, but that is there problem, not mine. The couple times that has happened, I have had strangers defend me.

[snow_girl]

Showing affection as LGBT in America and unsetting some stick up their ass religious folk is completely different to showing affection in say a Muslim country. I say hold hands all you want, the worst you'd get is a few stares? Do it, stick it to the man!

[silvermoonfairy3]

mostly because I know how iffy America is about gay couples and such

There's a lot of publicity about the anti-gay sentiments in the US, but some of it is blown out of proportion, and some is also just not particularly relevant depending on where you are. The US is *huge*.. it's hard to say with any degree of certainty that "America is iffy about X or Y" because it's probably just not true universally. For pretty much any statement about one location, you can find the opposite in a different state.

When you live here, or spend a lot of time here, you start to talk about the state or region of the country you're in, instead of the country as a whole. And don't forget, Massachusetts was one of a handful of pioneers for gay rights in the sense of marriage. (Wikipedia: "Massachusetts became the sixth jurisdiction in the world (after the Netherlands, Belgium, Ontario, British Columbia, and Quebec) to legalize same-sex marriage.")
That was a proud moment for many of us, gay and straight, in liberal Mass.

So really, the question is more about if you're likely to encounter that sort of thing in the Pennsylvania area. I don't have any experience with gay couples in PA and limited experience with the state at all, so perhaps other people in PA can weigh in.. but my guess is you'll be fine. As someone said, it's not quite a strict middle eastern nation, for example.

That said, I don't want to trivialize struggles that gay couples face. Especially when there is still intolerance, it's not helpful to pretend that anti-gay sentiment isn't there. However, I think the struggles gay couples in the north face tend to be more long-term things. Dealing with neighbors who "don't approve" of a gay "lifestyle" or fighting to be allowed to get married. (In some states, many already allow it.) A lot of the US anti-gay sentiment has mostly moved past caring that there are gay couples in the world, and instead is focused on not allowing gay marriage. There's become this "Well, I don't care what they do together, but marriage is between a man and a woman" mantra.

Ie, things you aren't likely to come across on a visit.

Where in Pennsylvania? Overall, PA, being northeasterly, is a bit more liberal than some of the very religious areas of the south, but in any event, I think as long as you're keeping PDA to an appropriate-in-public level (like someone said, hand holding, short kisses, hugs, etc.) you're probably not likely to attract too much unwanted attention.

Also, I might get some flak for this because it could come across as sexist, but for whatever reason, in my experience, people who are anti-gay have more issue with gay men than gay women. Just something to be aware of, particularly if you're male. Take precautions like you would anywhere that's new to you. Be aware of your surroundings, remove yourself from situations if something feels wrong, etc.

Good luck!

[kittyxuchiha11]

Thanks for the input guys :3
I just wanted to say that I have been out since i was about 14 and have held hands with many girlfriends before and yeah people do make negative comments and stare but i normally ignore it. I'm only a little bit nervous because I know for a fact her gran and grandad (who she currently lives with) don't agree with gay relationships or people in general (they think it's a choice and such) She lives near Pittsburgh and it seems her town and the surrounding places are very religious as all her friends parents and relatives are also against it too.

I just wanted to see what people thought about this and it was really interesting reading through all your comments on the matter. Thanks for that, I think I feel a little bit better even though i wasn't really that nervous to begin with :3

[jana89]

I am in an "ordinary" relationship, meaning girl - guy, and we still get the looks and even rude comments. My SO is much older than I am and some people just feel obliged to point it out. My point is: if people want to judge you, they will find something. The only possible defence is to be true yourself, don´t be ashamed for who you are, ´cause there is nothing wrong with you and you don´t do anything illegal. Everyone has right to love someone and if someone else doesn´t like it or accept it, then screw them.

[ohiokentuckygirls]

My girlfriend was more nervous about pda then I was. She had never been with someone she was comfortable doing that with. But we hold hands and when we sit together we lay our heads on each others shoulders and have given each other small kisses. I'm really not sure if anyone stares or not as I have a tency to block out the world. lol Nobody has ever said anything to us either way. I tell her I love her and I am not afraid nor ashamed to show it to the world.

[whatruckus]

I think the same rules apply for PDA in all relationships, no matter straight or homosexual. Holding hands, being sweet, kissing (not like making out) is what I would say. I'm bisexual, and I follow the same rules no matter the relationship. I live in the South. I have dealt with some comments before, but that is there problem, not mine. The couple times that has happened, I have had strangers defend me.

This, pretty much. I don't like seeing PDA that goes too far, with any type of couple (straight, gay, lesbian, etc), like making out and dry humping or something. Lol. I don't mind little kisses, holding hands, hugging, laying heads on shoulders, etc. I try to be respectful as well and not make other people feel uncomfortable even though I'm in a Girl-Guy relationship. No one really bothers anyone anymore for being LGBT, only the bigots do, but there's always going to be someone defending you. Like me, I'd be one of the people defending you and if I saw someone treating you unfairly. It's not as taboo anymore, and I believe PA is now a state that recognizes Same-Sex marriages (as a lot of states are these days). Also, what silvermoon said. Just be aware, and there will always be someone who's not happy with your relationship. Like mine, we're interracial and we still get stared at all the time.

[butterfly712]

I have no problem with showing public affection at all,if my boyfriend wanted to kiss me in public,I would be fine with it,love is a beautiful thing.

[Dwessie]

We didn't do too much because PDA can be overdone no matter what the sexuality, but I live in New mexico and we have our marriage equality, and I held her hand a lot and when I met her at the airport for the first time I hugged her so tight! I saved our first kiss for when we got home though, that moment was for us. I did take a pic though, I like to document things!

[Kristin91]

I believe PA is now a state that recognizes Same-Sex marriages (as a lot of states are these days).

Pennsylvania does recognize same-sex marriage! My uncle just married his husband this past summer in Vermont, and right before their wedding it was announced that PA will recognize same-sex marriage. I think that will go a long way to relieve some of your fears because the state has approved of it.

[The_gentle_Hart]

Just personal experience, but I think it pays to be aware of your surroundings.
My girlfriend lives in California, so PDA isn't a big issue when I go visit her--we kiss, hug, hold hands and goof around in public and no one seems to mind a bit--- but when she comes to visit me things get a bit more complicated.
I live in South Carolina, so people aren't very accepting here (despite the overturn of the same sex marriage bans). Most of the hugging and kissing we do in SC has to be kept private, because strangers will often comment (though, luckily no one has ever approached us or physically threatened us). It doesn't bother me too much, but I'm always concerned for her safety. Whenever someone says something rude, she's my top priority not them.

I think the best advice when it comes to PDA is to just be aware of your surroundings, and make sure that safety for you and your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner is something you consider.
Talk about PDA openly and honestly with them, make sure they feel safe, and set boundaries when needed.

[Enchiridion]

The United States is very large, and much more diverse than people imagine overseas, I think. I have lived in both Europe and the United States. There are regions in the United States where it would be considered very unacceptable, other places where it would be frowned upon but no one would probably say anything, and still other places where it would be totally normal. It highly depends on where you are in the United States. Generally New England, going up to New York, it would be probably be no big deal-- unlike, for example, the Southern States or certain places in the Midwest.

Just my opinion, but anything other than hugging or having your arms around someone in public, or a quick kiss, is too much, hetero or homo. I just think that's inappropriate and ostentatious in public. But that's only my opinion.