Anyone on the Asexual Spectrum?

[Bobbiejeanne]

I thought I just take a shot in the dark and ask if there were any Asexuals here on LFAD.
I identify myself as Demisexual, which made for some interesting talks with my heterosexual SO. (Especially at the beginning before we really knew each other.)

I'd love to discuss what it's like being asexual and in a LD!

[Inky Cricket]

Ooh, it's neat to find someone else on the spectrum here and I'm always up for discussion! I'm heteroromantic asexual. It's interesting to try to reconcile with the feelings my allosexual partner has when I can't relate, and he's the same way about my asexuality. It's tough to navigate sometimes, but always interesting.

[differentcountries]

We both experience sexual attraction but I believe that my partner is grey- or aromantic, me being his exeption to the rule. It has been an interesting ride for both of us.

[Inky Cricket]

So first off: Bobbiejeanne, out of curiosity, how was your SO with that information? Were they curious, concerned? I know that my SO before we were together decided that it was a deal breaker, though he changed his mind in the end. He is always asking if certain things are all right and we try to understand each other's differing sexualities. Secondly: differentcountries, how do you feel about your partner being gray/a? I'm very curious about the other side of things. It must be very different to be the allosexual and romantic partner in that kind of mixed relationship.

[differentcountries]

differentcountries, how do you feel about your partner being gray/a? I'm very curious about the other side of things. It must be very different to be the allosexual and romantic partner in that kind of mixed relationship.

Well, to me his attitude feels strange. He says he has no recollection of even being smitten with anyone before me (that is, during his first 26 years). He had one girlfriend before me and it seems he cared for her a little bit, but everything he tells me about it says to me it was mostly sexual in nature - and I can even tell it from sex as well that he has no experience with the sort of sex I am used to where you really use sex to connect and to explore. Several of the conflicts we have had in the past, related to him being scared of love and acting strange because of it - he has also been vocal about being scared of things that I find it almost amusing that he is scared of (I am not scared of anything in love exept being left). He himself says that his heart used to be closed and that he fell so fast for me that the first year was a bit like being in a car with no driver. Even so, he has always been a sport about it and really put himself on the spot. I have no idea of how scary it must feel to suddenly relate to love at the age of 27. I have fallen in love with and hung out with people I was in love with from the age of 4 and I can't remember being scared much of love even as a child with no vocaboulary for my feelings.

Even today, he doesn't understand how anyone can fall in love with someone they are not dating and also being loved by. Sadly, one friend of his has been smitten with me a long time and SO never seems to realize this, leaving both me and the friend alone to deal. It also makes it hard to share experiences from my past, because most of my life I was always in love. I tried to talk to him about aromantics but I don't know how to phraze it in ways that are useful to him. We make an odd couple but he makes me feel very loved

[Dewey]

My SO and I are both demisexual.
I also fall under the aromantic spectrum with being quasi/nebularomantic.

[Unconditional]

If i chose to label myself then i would be a heterosexual demisexual. It takes me a long time to warm up to someone sexually- i have to know them extremely well before i can even begin to love them, and i have to love them before i can even begin to think sexually about them. However, i don't choose to label myself i feel labels are just ways of categorizing people and that when some people explain they are one or more categories then people start to judge and say what they are feeling or thinking is fake and that they're "just doing it for attention" this goes with anything, not just sexuality- which is why i dislike labels but it can also give others pride once they know they are not alone in how they feel/think/behave.

[differentcountries]

I'd rather wish that my SO was interested in categories so I didn't have to find ways to deal for both him and myself! I actually cried for two days when I discovered there was a word that could describe my SO's way of thinking and feeling. It would have made our first year together much easier had I known that his style is a part of personality and not reflective of our connection. He was very scared at times and I could not console him properly because I didn't understand what he was going through at the time.

I also wonder if some of these themes may apply to a guy from my past, my dad and one of my sisters. My dad had no romantic experience until meeting my mum at 25 and my sister, now 32, has never been in love.