Me and my partner have been in the LDR for four years..if you don't count additional two as friends before that..
Those years were hectic..me trying to get a visa to visit her, her being unable to do anything - being an agoraphobic with clinical depression locked out at home..
We did our best to make it work, and truth me told, we really did love each other..
In 2011 I won a greencard lottery and we were so happy..we prepared to start a life together, she even sent me the key to her home saying "I want you to open the doors to OUR home with your own key"..
Same year the results for the lottery were voided because of a "computer error" as the department of state declared on their website..nothing we tried worked..It was a hard time for both of us..She relapsed back into depression severely..I started having panic attacks just thinking of no way to get to her..
But we still clung together, we believed love could conquer all and frankly with us it was..
I tried applying for a regular tourist visa - was denied..probably got black listed or something after that greencard lottery faux pas...
Somewhere around the end of 2011 eleven she got prescribed paxil..and that's when things started to change..
She became withdrawn, flat..unemotional..either way, 6 month into it I was debating starting that talk with her, you know that talk that everyone dreads..I was dreading it too, because I was afraid, I knew what she was going to say..what really got me mad was we agreed that if for whatever reason one of us fell out of love with the other, we wouldn't tag them along and torture them but rather simply come clean and be honest..instead she dragged it on for 6 months and if I hadn't pressed her she simply wouldn't say - I am not in love with you anymore.
Now, a couple of years since and a suicide attempt later, with help of therapy I'm slowly recovering to a point where I can finally write about it..
We still talk, though I have limited our contact to a couple of calls a year, figure that is sufficient for me now, it's as much as I can handle. Therapy helped a lot but that's a whole different subject and doesn't as much touch upon the LDR as my own childhood and dysfunctional family (which I am not going into here)..
Either way - I guess the reason I am writing this is kind of as an example - not all stories have success. Some can turn seriously grim and if you're going into something like this you have to be prepared and have to know that the road can be far bumpier than you thought it would be. Far bumpier than you thought you could handle in fact..
As a result I am just starting to discover myself. Which is odd. Scary at times. But good. And I do not regret a single minute of our relationship because it gave me a lot of experience in many things in life..
Those years were hectic..me trying to get a visa to visit her, her being unable to do anything - being an agoraphobic with clinical depression locked out at home..
We did our best to make it work, and truth me told, we really did love each other..
In 2011 I won a greencard lottery and we were so happy..we prepared to start a life together, she even sent me the key to her home saying "I want you to open the doors to OUR home with your own key"..
Same year the results for the lottery were voided because of a "computer error" as the department of state declared on their website..nothing we tried worked..It was a hard time for both of us..She relapsed back into depression severely..I started having panic attacks just thinking of no way to get to her..
But we still clung together, we believed love could conquer all and frankly with us it was..
I tried applying for a regular tourist visa - was denied..probably got black listed or something after that greencard lottery faux pas...
Somewhere around the end of 2011 eleven she got prescribed paxil..and that's when things started to change..
She became withdrawn, flat..unemotional..either way, 6 month into it I was debating starting that talk with her, you know that talk that everyone dreads..I was dreading it too, because I was afraid, I knew what she was going to say..what really got me mad was we agreed that if for whatever reason one of us fell out of love with the other, we wouldn't tag them along and torture them but rather simply come clean and be honest..instead she dragged it on for 6 months and if I hadn't pressed her she simply wouldn't say - I am not in love with you anymore.
Now, a couple of years since and a suicide attempt later, with help of therapy I'm slowly recovering to a point where I can finally write about it..
We still talk, though I have limited our contact to a couple of calls a year, figure that is sufficient for me now, it's as much as I can handle. Therapy helped a lot but that's a whole different subject and doesn't as much touch upon the LDR as my own childhood and dysfunctional family (which I am not going into here)..
Either way - I guess the reason I am writing this is kind of as an example - not all stories have success. Some can turn seriously grim and if you're going into something like this you have to be prepared and have to know that the road can be far bumpier than you thought it would be. Far bumpier than you thought you could handle in fact..
As a result I am just starting to discover myself. Which is odd. Scary at times. But good. And I do not regret a single minute of our relationship because it gave me a lot of experience in many things in life..
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