It's feeling one sided.

[Nabascrewn]

My partner and I have been together 14 months, they are transgender male to female and I am fine with that, I love them regardless. We are 482.6 miles apart from each other while college is in session otherwise we live in the same town, but we didn't get together until they were already out of town. There is a ten year age difference between us, so there are references that go over each other's heads but we still get along. But where issues of late are, it feels like communication is one side, we used to talk every night, and it's broken down to once a week if that. It's like I'm going through withdrawls. They are studying computer science, so I get that takes alot of effort, but I want them to know I'm still here and need contact. A coworker said today, "Don't take offense but why not just find someone here?" I'm emotionally envoled here I just can't up and leave, plus I love and care and wish to marry them. But I just feel so hurt..Ideas please on how I can get them to communicate with me?

[whatruckus]

Sorry, this might be off topic, but if your SO is transgender MTF, shouldn't you be referring to them as "her". I only see you posting saying "him" (in your post about how you met) and in here as "they/them". Seems like you're not exactly okay with it if you're not calling her by a female term, which I would think would be something she would want. Unless, I'm missing something. Although, I would understand if you're trying to stray away from gender pronouns, but you did say "him".

Anyways, back on topic: I would say just come out and say something to her. She's not going to know this is bothering you unless you tell her.

[Nabascrewn]

Hello for starters, thank you for the response. When we first got together they had already shared with me that they were transgender, and wanted me to consider him as he and my boyfriend until he felt comfortable enough to be passable as a female. Two months ago while reading up on how to be a supportive partner it mentioned pronouns being important, so I asked how they felt, if they wanted a change in pronouns, and their response was, they wanted to be referred to as they/them/their rather than her/she because they don't feel there yet and he/his makes them feel very uncomfortable. So now you see why I am referring to them as such, you jumped to conclusions, but I take no offense, because you were not there. Have a nice friday.

[Kapwned]

Then just tell them. If you haven't brought it up at all it may not hurt. Just tell them you miss them and you really enjoy getting time to talk to them and it feels like it hasn't been getting to happen as much and it'd make you happy if they could find more time to spend with you.

[snow]

Thanks for educating us, Nabascrewn!

On topic: When someone's busy with studying, you have to bite your tongue for a while, because education is really important, but you should ask if at some point they have time to chat a little. Is it because they are studying for a test or is it a just generally going to school studying type? I suppose you could find a compromise you both can be happy with.

[whatruckus]

Yea, like I said before, they might not even know they're neglecting you. A big thing about being in an LDR is communication, and I'm not just talking about everyday communication, but about your feelings. So, again, I say just come out and say it.

[Zephii]

I feel you both on the pronoun thing. They/Them/Their are inherently plural though, and as such they change the way sentences are supposed to be structured making it really hard to read/speak/respond. It's a big failing of the English language that we don't have recognised gender neutral personal pronouns. I've been using Ne/Nir, but there are a whole bunch of options that you both might like to look at, even just for fun. Let me dig out a link... https://genderneutralpronoun.wordpre...ag/ze-and-zir/
There we go. This dude is way smarter than me.

Anyway, to your original question, you need to just come out with it and say something. Sometimes our needs and our partner's needs are vastly different. If you need more from your relationship it is in your right to ask for it. Talk together and see if there is a compromise that could be had. I remember when Obi and I were studying we'd do so on Skype together. Not talking. Working. Like sitting side by side at a library. It wasn't as nice as a long chat, but it helped us remember we were part of each other's lives. Anyway, I hope you find a solution. Best of luck

[whatruckus]

Also, I wasn't trying to step on your toes about it. In my experience, most Transgender people want to be referred to as what they're transitioning to.

[Nabascrewn]

Thank you, and I did just bring it up with them last Saturday and we came to an understanding.

[Nabascrewn]

I looked at ny time in college and how hectic it was and if I had been in a relationship at the time it would have suffered. But we did come to a compromise of keeping communication open during the week through texting and skyping on the weekend.

[hmrambling]

Good communication goes a long way. I'm glad to hear that ya'll came to an understanding.

[differentcountries]

Before treatment is a confusing time because the whole "do I really want this and what is happening to me" spins in their brains a million times. It is like they are writing a novel in their head, the thoughts go constantly. If they seem distant, that is why. Try to be understanding of that while still taking care of yourself.

[ben.from.beds]

I get where you're coming from, my boy is doing his MA and he rarely talks to me, sometimes we would go for weeks until I put my foot down and said that we should take every tuesday evening to talk., here I thought it would be for a few hours and whatnot, it has now decreased to 30 minutes because he is so involved in different things st university, besides his studies that he hardly has the time for that and I do feel like I'm in the way. I do sometimes wonder whether it's worth it, but we've been distanced a long time and I'm trying to push myself that each day, even though it hurts, it's one day closer to setting a date for the next visit. I haven't seen him in 5 months now, this is the longest I've gone without seeing him. We used to, despite not talking properly, share snap bits of our day, like if he was stressed he would say so and if I was happy I would say the same, replies were extremely short but it didn't matter because it somehow kept us connected, but now even that has gone, I could message him/text him and more often than not won't get a response which does make me extremely sad. I think it's all about hanging in there if you think they're worth it, even if you are the one who is more flexible and available than the other, it does make it harder and, in my case, even though they know that I am available and here for them, they will acknowledged it at the time, but then it will be ignored all over again. My birthday is coming up, so I am hoping he will remember.... he already forgets we have skype tuesdays half the time if I don't message him to remind him