When your gf says lets be friends during break up?

[tlaw]

Hi everyone, so I've been in a LDR since September 2013 and just ended last month.. this have gotten so complicated. I am studying aboard so it's my girlfriend who's waiting for me to come back. But then because of an issue in March (this is what had happened: so I usually go back to her every 3 months when I have a 2 weeks break. then in January this year I have told her that I may not be back in March, but will be back in June for my internship. But then problem comes, in this 3 months January to March, I didn't mention a word saying that or confirming that I won't be back in March, until she asks me before my flight to Europe for vacation. And at that time she's very disappointed of me, and said I'll regret of not coming back...

Then everything started to change since then...our relationship seems to be that "in-love" anymore, months passed by and came June when I came back for my internship for half a year. Then she started to get back her own interest - kpop stars. Then I started to blame her our relationship is fading and normal because of her chasing kpop stars. But then she said that it's my fault of what had happened during March. And she said that at that time she had thought a lot, and said she shouldn't give up in her own interest because of love, she said she wanted her live to have her family, me and her friends and also her interest, and said she wanted me to emphasize her and understand her.

Then as time passed by, I always mentioned that we are like friends more than a couple, then she said she also know that there's a wall in between and trying to break it. Then in almost end of August, she said she wanna let this go and said I gave her pressure and was very exhausting. Then she said "it would be better if we be back as friends, since we look like friends and our relationship is "fading", at least I wouldn't have much pressure if we be back friends". And of course I wouldn't want to be back friends because I still have feelings for her, and she started saying again since March everything has changed since then...

And actually I have asked her friends what she told them, she said when I came back in June, her feelings to me is like seeing a "friend", and said she's more happy to see her own friends, and mentioned also the incident in March...and her friend asked if she can get over this, she said "be back friends"

Then our relationship now is not even like friends, we don't talk now. And yesterday I've texted her wanting to clarify of our relationship now. She said "I have already said it clearly, it would be better to be friends..." and I said but we don't look like friends now, she said "aren't you still can't accept it? I'm giving you time..." and at the end she said "the feelings had changed"...

I NEED HELP HERE, why do you guys think she had said to be friends during break up? What's her intention?

[snow_girl]

I didn't read any of that, but if someone says lets be friends its kind of like a cop out. I don't want to date you, but lets be friends. Personally its never worked, I'm on good terms and if i were to bump into them I might exchange niceties but you don't have to be friends if they want to be. Regardless you need time away from that person to make the change, you can't go from a romantic relationship to friends over night

[hmrambling]

And actually I have asked her friends what she told them, she said when I came back in June, her feelings to me is like seeing a "friend", and said she's more happy to see her own friends, and mentioned also the incident in March...and her friend asked if she can get over this, she said "be back friends"

Then our relationship now is not even like friends, we don't talk now. And yesterday I've texted her wanting to clarify of our relationship now. She said "I have already said it clearly, it would be better to be friends..." and I said but we don't look like friends now, she said "aren't you still can't accept it? I'm giving you time..." and at the end she said "the feelings had changed"...

I NEED HELP HERE, why do you guys think she had said to be friends during break up? What's her intention?

1. Don't go to her friends and ask what she told them. No, just no. Those are her friends, and their loyalty is to her, not you. Deal directly with her if you want to know something about her.
2. When you want clarification, don't text her. Call her and talk to her. Texting only muddies the water and causes confusion and miscommunication.
3. If she wants to be friends, let her initiate contact. You be cool and hang back and see if she initiates contact.
4. Don't rely on strangers on the internet to understand or know what she meant when she said, "let's be friends." We don't know.

FWIW, it's never really worked very well when I was friends with exes. YMMV. I have other friends. I don't need to add an ex as a friend.