Hi all. This is my first post, so I apologise for the length. I've tried to keep it as brief as possible (believe it or not), but still, feel free to go straight to the last few paragraphs if you don't need the background info. Thank you in advance!
My partner has been gone for three weeks today and I'm already finding this relationship taxing! It's not that I'm not serious about it, we've spoken about marriage, and when he was with me we were completely loved up. He lived with me for four months prior to him leaving, and it was mostly clear sailing, but now cracks have formed.
I knew that he had always wanted to leave the UK, and planned on doing so on the completion of his degree, so I had always known it was coming! But, unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier to live with.
I apologise in advance if this comes across as a venting thread, I really just want to know from you seasoned professionals if how I'm feeling is justified or just plain wrong.
So like I said, I knew he would be leaving the country from the very beginning of the relationship. He was very against us even having a relationship from the start as he knew it'd complicate his emigration, which in itself was difficult to overcome, but we did. The few months we lived together were really quite good, just a run-of-the-mill partnership. We loved each other.
When the leaving date began drawing closer, he started telling me that he was regretting his decision to leave, but now that he had a job lined up and plane tickets already bought, there was no going back. I think I tried to block this out completely, as it didn't really dawn on me that he wasn't there until about two days after he had left!
We've been speaking everyday since, on Skype, Whatsapp etc, which is fine, but the only way I can describe it is like a dilute version of our relationship before he left. I find myself getting tired of talking to a computer or writing out messages. This is where the time difference becomes annoying. I'm studying now, and he's working, so neither of us can really afford to lose sleep, yet I have found myself staying up until the early hours of the morning just to talk to him. Needless to say, my attention at uni does wane on these days, but still he won't stay up for me.
For the first few weeks he would tell me each time that living abroad is not at all how he had imagined, that he was missing me too much, and that he wouldn't renew is contract and come back in a few months. Obviously I didn't believe this, I'm sure everyone has those feelings when they move across oceans.
He has now started to put down roots. He had no friends out there, so I suggested using Grindr to find locals. Something I massively regret. Now I'm not usually a jealous person, I never have been. But the first person he has decided to meet is a 23 y/o college guy. From my perspective, that's a huge blow to my security! Mainly because if I was in that position, I would look for a friend that I wouldn't/couldn't be physically attracted to! Like a female or (for me) an older man. I understand that this is my problem, and he can be friends with whoever he chooses, but I don't think I would ever be that disrespectful to my partner.
He has also spoken about taking driving lessons to get accustom to driving on the other side of the road. Which is fine, but I'll expand a little in a moment. We've spoken about when we'll see each other next. Christmas was suggested, and then discounted as if he was coming back soon, it's a bit of a waste of money. Now, apparently, Christmas is back on the cards and another visit in February.
These are not the actions of someone that'll be returning in a few months! And while I didn't believe him in the first place, I can't help but feel upset that he'd build me up only to knock me down again.
I have found myself questioning our relationship. I get annoyed at talking with him because it doesn't feel real. His actions and choices upset me. And honestly, I'm so angry that he actually left me! As I'm sure many people are, I am the child of a single parent, so I know how it feels to be dropped by someone that's supposed to love you. I can't help but compare this experience with those emotions. The worst bit is, it has happened now and there's no going back from this, even if he was to come back. So I'm terrified that our relationship will be so vastly different when we are finally together that it wouldn't even be worth carrying on with the LDR.
I thought I could cope with this. I thought our love would be enough to get me through, but now I'm not so sure.
I would love to know what other people think of this, am I just getting accustom to this distance, am I being childish, or are the cracks too deep?
My partner has been gone for three weeks today and I'm already finding this relationship taxing! It's not that I'm not serious about it, we've spoken about marriage, and when he was with me we were completely loved up. He lived with me for four months prior to him leaving, and it was mostly clear sailing, but now cracks have formed.
I knew that he had always wanted to leave the UK, and planned on doing so on the completion of his degree, so I had always known it was coming! But, unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier to live with.
I apologise in advance if this comes across as a venting thread, I really just want to know from you seasoned professionals if how I'm feeling is justified or just plain wrong.
So like I said, I knew he would be leaving the country from the very beginning of the relationship. He was very against us even having a relationship from the start as he knew it'd complicate his emigration, which in itself was difficult to overcome, but we did. The few months we lived together were really quite good, just a run-of-the-mill partnership. We loved each other.
When the leaving date began drawing closer, he started telling me that he was regretting his decision to leave, but now that he had a job lined up and plane tickets already bought, there was no going back. I think I tried to block this out completely, as it didn't really dawn on me that he wasn't there until about two days after he had left!
We've been speaking everyday since, on Skype, Whatsapp etc, which is fine, but the only way I can describe it is like a dilute version of our relationship before he left. I find myself getting tired of talking to a computer or writing out messages. This is where the time difference becomes annoying. I'm studying now, and he's working, so neither of us can really afford to lose sleep, yet I have found myself staying up until the early hours of the morning just to talk to him. Needless to say, my attention at uni does wane on these days, but still he won't stay up for me.
For the first few weeks he would tell me each time that living abroad is not at all how he had imagined, that he was missing me too much, and that he wouldn't renew is contract and come back in a few months. Obviously I didn't believe this, I'm sure everyone has those feelings when they move across oceans.
He has now started to put down roots. He had no friends out there, so I suggested using Grindr to find locals. Something I massively regret. Now I'm not usually a jealous person, I never have been. But the first person he has decided to meet is a 23 y/o college guy. From my perspective, that's a huge blow to my security! Mainly because if I was in that position, I would look for a friend that I wouldn't/couldn't be physically attracted to! Like a female or (for me) an older man. I understand that this is my problem, and he can be friends with whoever he chooses, but I don't think I would ever be that disrespectful to my partner.
He has also spoken about taking driving lessons to get accustom to driving on the other side of the road. Which is fine, but I'll expand a little in a moment. We've spoken about when we'll see each other next. Christmas was suggested, and then discounted as if he was coming back soon, it's a bit of a waste of money. Now, apparently, Christmas is back on the cards and another visit in February.
These are not the actions of someone that'll be returning in a few months! And while I didn't believe him in the first place, I can't help but feel upset that he'd build me up only to knock me down again.
I have found myself questioning our relationship. I get annoyed at talking with him because it doesn't feel real. His actions and choices upset me. And honestly, I'm so angry that he actually left me! As I'm sure many people are, I am the child of a single parent, so I know how it feels to be dropped by someone that's supposed to love you. I can't help but compare this experience with those emotions. The worst bit is, it has happened now and there's no going back from this, even if he was to come back. So I'm terrified that our relationship will be so vastly different when we are finally together that it wouldn't even be worth carrying on with the LDR.
I thought I could cope with this. I thought our love would be enough to get me through, but now I'm not so sure.
I would love to know what other people think of this, am I just getting accustom to this distance, am I being childish, or are the cracks too deep?
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