Long Distance & BPD

[lncofc]

Hello,
I'm not a BPD but was in a relationship with someone who is. Long story short, we had met online many years ago and almost 3 years ago we got really close. We pretty much became best friends and eventually feelings evolved. We got in a long distance relationship and a few months into it she told me she has a mental disorder (not fully diagnosed as BPD at the moment). I stood by her and later learned it was/is BPD. I thought I understood the disorder when I first read about it while still in the relationship and I tried to make things work the only way I knew how. Things started getting rough and this year (7 months ago) she broke up with me. Last time I saw her was messed up and for her it was a goodbye, while for me was all kinds of confusing. I know some of the things I did probably didn't help our relationship as I didn't know how to understand or how to react properly to some of our problems. When she left me she said she woke up one day and simply had no feelings for me, yet that last time I saw her for a moment is like she came back to me. She's now in a new relationship and literally cut all ties with me since 4 months ago... blocked me on FB, blocked my number, etc. I love her and I tried for months of ways to make her realize that I wasn't going anywhere and that my love for her is real. I'm now trying to learn as much as I can and hopefully speak with people who can in a way relate to me. I promised her I would always be there for her and I intend to keep that promise because she means the world to me.
Anyone willing to talk or with any advice... would she come back to me? What should I do? Any articles that might be helpful?
Thanks!

[Harlequin]

Move on. She's blocked you everywhere she can, told you she no longer has feelings for you, and has entered a new relationship. It's done, it's over, and you need to let it go. Let her live her life, and you go out and live yours. Don't hold out hope that she might come back, don't try to get her back (ESPECIALLY since she has you blocked everywhere), and don't worry about keeping a promise that now no longer applies. There will be someone else out there who will mean the world to you, too.
Love doesn't always work like it does in the movies. You can't always win the girl back.

[differentcountries]

Although many people can feel romantic feelings dropping suddenly, it is the textbook case of how someone with a BPD would drop end a relationship. Life through BPD glasses look very much like black and white, enimies and angels.

Sadly, with BPD (but again, this happens with regular people too) it is not so much what you did or did not do, as what goes on inside here, which can relate to your previous relationship very vaguely if at all. Love can be really scary for someone with a BPD, be it friendship or romance. Because love is scary, and people with personality disorders have a very blurry sense of self.

Weather or not she has feelings for you, she decided to cut the means of contact. It is not hard to get that she wants you to leave her alone. We can not know if she will want to take her back, but you may want to take a look at why you want to reunite with a person who treats you confusing at best.

[lncofc]

When she told me about her BPD (that was not diagnosed as BPD at the time) and she gave me the 'get out of jail free card' to end the relationship, I didn't walk away because she wanted to get better. Without even telling me she started getting therapy and getting medication to control her symptoms and she would do the best she could. I've been her first love and the connection we share is a strong one. I know I'm not entirely indifferent to her as even though she has me blocked, before starting this new relationship (about a month ago I think) she would unblock me and block me back again after a day or 2. Her instagram up until 3 weeks ago she had our pictures in there and then once she started the relationship she deleted them. She has gone out of her way twice to only reply to me she's with someone. I've decided to give her space and time and see what happens. I just know that what we share is something hard to explain and different. I knew it from the moment I met her that she would be someone that would change my life forever. I didn't know anything about BPD prior to this, only that it exists and is difficult. It wasn't until now that I'm beginning to see the levels of it and understanding more of what it is like to have BPD. I can't say I'll know 100% everything because everyone that has it is different and experience things different but I know this girl more than she thinks I do and even if I can't be with her as a lover I want to be there for her as a friend. Everyone deserves someone that does stick around even through your worse and she deserves the world of happiness. I just want to be a bit of a safe haven for her where she knows that if she breaks apart, she's not alone.

[lncofc]

I get you but like I said before, what we have had this entire time has been something that not many people would understand. I've known this girl for about 7 years and out of those 7 years we were a couple for 2 and 4 months. We were really good friends and I'm the only person that knows of her BPD. I had to be the one to tell her parents so when we had problems she had a safe place to go to. I've been her support system through a lot and I think even if she can't be my lover again, no one deserves to go through life with BPD and alone. Everyone deserves someone that sticks around and provides support. I know her and she's not the type of person that will tell people (not even her childhood friend) about her BPD. She told me, out of all people, she told me because she loved me. She deserves to be happy just as much as I do and I want to be there to help her get happiness. She always got mad at me because I would tell her things how they were and that's why I started getting painted black but I always knew she was listening to me. Deep down she did understood but she just couldn't "act up to the part" because she would get blinded by her BPD. Her actions I could blame on the BPD but I never did, I would always find a logical explanation and act on it. I didn't understand the disorder at all until now that I'm learning about it and it explains a lot of the things that happened to us and why I'm in the black list.

[hmrambling]

Welcome to LFAD!

Please take a moment to read the guidelines: LFAD Posting Guidelines: Do's and Don'ts

There you will find this guideline: Don't post questions like "Does he/she like me?", "What's going on with him?", etc. We do not know what the person is thinking; we're not psychics!

Having established that our guidelines state that we really don't know the answer, all I can do is say if a person blocks me, then I am unlikely to try to pursue that person. To continue to pursue someone who has blocked another person can border on stalking, which has legal consequences in many states. If a person has specifically indicated that they do not want to be contacted, and you continue to contact her, that could be considered harassment.

Stalking and harassment ≠ love. Sure movies and songs tell us to pursue ex-partners to try to win them back, but your local law enforcement officer might disag

I just want to be a bit of a safe haven for her where she knows that if she breaks apart, she's not alone.

That statement sounds like what you want is more for you, than for her. Look at your motives. You have decided that she needs you as part of her support network. Consider letting her decide who her support network is.

[kittyxuchiha11]

I can't say I'll know 100% everything because everyone that has it is different and experience things different but I know this girl more than she thinks I do and even if I can't be with her as a lover I want to be there for her as a friend. Everyone deserves someone that does stick around even through your worse and she deserves the world of happiness. I just want to be a bit of a safe haven for her where she knows that if she breaks apart, she's not alone.

You may think you're doing a world of good by doing this but you're really not. She doesn't want you to contact her and as you say she's moved onto another relationship. If she doesn't unblock you and reach out to your first you're really just better moving on and leaving it as it is. You may want to be that person who is there for her but she doesn't want you to be that person anymore, that much is obvious. Maybe one day you two can set your difference aside and be friends again, hell maybe even then you can support her the way you want to. But just now she's getting that support she needs for her new partner and friends.