Building broken trust in a LDR

[Daimikay]

Hello!
I need advice.
Me (Dai) and my girlfriend (Brie) have been together just about two months officially we talked since August 2017.
We both live in Cali I’m in LA she’s in Sac about 6 hours or so. I have visited her twice. We get along great, enjoy one another’s company all that buutttt in those two times I visited I have seen her texting/FaceTiming multiple other girls flirting with them, asking to hang out, & they all live in her neighborhood. I broken up with her both times but she swears to never do it again & we got back together. Out of revenge I “sexted” with another girl and told her about it to hurt her like she hurt me. To make a long story short now we do not trust one another, we fight often and break up every two days or so and get back together. The latest time we broke up she actually physically hung out with another girl all weekend, and spent the night. She says they only kissed. Now my trust is at a all time low, we are not in a good place at all, but we both care and love one another and want to make it work, but we just don’t trust one another and I don’t know how to build that trust up again with the distance. Does anyone have any advice for me?


We thought about moving in with one another and it’s definitely a possibility I just want to make sure it is worth it.
Thank you so much in advance
Dai.

[Rezie]

You have been together for 2 months and in that time you have broken up twice. She has been hanging out and chatting with other girls and you have revenge sexted and made sure that she knew so you could hurt her. I don't think either of you is are mature enought to be in a relationship and moving in together shouldn't even be an option.

[erwin1973]

I don't think you really love each other. I think you only think you do. Why do I say that? If you really love each other, there is only that one other person, and taking revenge is also not in question... Love takes no revenge. I think you both feel the need to be wanted, but that is not love. That is need. Please, move on. If you don't have trust, there can be no love whatsoever. Moving in with each other is a great idea if you want to end up fighting all day and get heartbroken even more, so don't... Just move on for your own sake. No trust is a very very bad basis for living together, for any relationship in that matter.

[Daimikay]

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

[Lune]

Hi there ^^

I agree with what the others said. What you describe sounds like a very rough beginning, especially in a phase where when you are in love you often are in this "everything is great and perfect" phase as lovebirds where all is exciting, to discover and do new things together, grow trust (because it doesn't come up like this right away and rather gets more and more with time. What you have there is not only a matter of non existing or not strong enough trust, but also of behavior you don't do when you really care for someone.
Beginning with being committed on one side, but still acting like you are not and getting involved with other people in a more than friendship way not only once but multiple times, apologizing without really changing something, then from your side the revenge probably just to make clear how it hurts to be treated like you are and the fact, that as soon as you break up she gets involved with someone else as well. If kissing can be counted as "only" is a point of individual perspective, yet it is a sign, either for her still not caring at all, about having no control of her acts and just going into them headless or of compensating, if it gives her a good feeling not to be alone. Added up to all you mentioned before plus all the fights and on and off story in such an early phase doesn't make it seem like a trust issue but one in general. You both have to decide what you want,
if it is a relationship where both are faithful (like you want it) to each other and where you work out things, without hitting the break up button with every thing that comes up,
if it is just friendship right now til you are sure about your way and where it should lead or
if you are both better of alone for now to be out of that current very stressful seemingly situation and to figure what you mean for each other.

There are some other possibilities, you are the only ones to make that choice about it. Going on like you do will lead to pain and nowhere on a long term though and can even affect the trust behavior with other people, too when it's too damaged.

With the point of moving together, I don't see what it would solve at this point, since it would mean even more responsibility, one of you giving up the old environment, too for something that is already so insecure in advance. So let it go slow, see what you both want to do now and how and hopefully find your way

[Fedorya]

I will not post a long message here :
It's not love and its not even a relationship.
Only 2 months and that much problems arise ? Even broke up multiple time ?
Seriously... just broke up for good and turn the page.