Advice

[rigby]

hi everyone

new here. been with my gf for almost a year she lives in europe and i live in canada.

my gf really doesn't want to do LDR anymore (who does really) and so we are trying to close the gap more and more (will be going over to her country for 3 months to test the waters) but she doesn't want to skype or spend time together in that way so basically we have just texting left and sometimes on occasion she will want to skype or facetime.

last week she asked me if i wanted to watch a football game on skype with her and i said yes. yesterday was the game and instead of talking to me about it or discussing things in advance she skyped me much earlier and told me her brother was coming over soon and that's why she was calling and without her even opening her mouth i could tell it meant they were watching the game together and no skype would be happening between us. it sucks that she couldn't even tell me about it because i would of been okay with it as long as she talked to me about it. i literally had to call her out on it.

obviously i got very upset that we had plans and she essentially bailed and changed them to hang out with him and do the exact same thing we were supposed to do.

she doesn't see it like i do and she says he asked her and she said yes because it's nice to have someone physically there to watch the game and with skype it's not the same thing for her. she said the only shitty thing about it is that i can't be there watching the game with her and with that to me it sounds like she doesn't care who it's with just as long as she can watch the game with someone she's happy 😅

we just spent three weeks together a month ago and everything has been perfect between us but i just feel like she acts so different when it comes to this stuff ? (skype) and it feels like i essentially don't matter to her because i'm not physically there and therefore she doesn't have to take responsibility for how she treats me? idk does that make sense.

is there anyone else that struggles with skype or facetime so that i can understand where she's coming from a bit better? because i feel like for me spending time together on skype is the only thing we have right now and it's like she doesn't want to do that but then she tells me she doesn't want to break up or lose me either and just wants me to be there with her but then acts completely different and bails when we have plans? i'm so confused.

does anyone have any advice or opinions?

[cookie-dragon]

Hi there! I'm new to this site, and to relationships, but I hope I can help.

There could be one of many things going on with your girlfriend. No matter what it is, though, it's important to tell her how you feel about her blowing you off and refusing to Skype with you. Communication is key! It's possible that this could all be one big misunderstanding.

It's possible that she's camera shy, and that she doesn't like Skype or Facetime because she doesn't like being on camera. If this is the issue, then you should talk to her about it, make time to talk with each other that doesn't have to be face-to-face. What me and my partner do is talk on the phone more than talk face-to-face, and when we do Skype, it's usually for a movie night. Maybe your girlfriend would be more comfortable talking on the phone instead of Skyping all the time.

It could be that she's still not used to not having you around in person, and she might really need someone there in person. She might still think it's weird to have to communicate via technology when you were communicating so easily in person a month ago. It took me a long time to get used to talking on the phone with my partner again after our first visit, and it hurt a lot to have to do it when what i really wanted was to be with them in person.

I really hope it isn't this one, but it's possible that your girlfriend isn't interested in a relationship unless it has some physical quality. Maybe she's gotten bored of the distance, and wants something more. Everyone's different, and maybe it's harder for her to form an emotional bond over such a long distance. Maybe she just isn't feeling the spark that your relationship once had. If it feels to you like she doesn't think that she has to take responsibility for you, then that's a pretty good sign that she might not be interested in a relationship anymore.

This is all just my personal opinion, and the one thing that you need to do for sure is have a serious talk with your girlfriend. Either force her on the phone or Skype or something like that, because this sounds like something that could become a lot worse if it isn't addressed now.

Good luck!

[Flautist2000]

I second trying more phone (whatsapp or Skype voice) chats, instead of video. My girlfriend and I have been together almost 6 months and skyped only a small handful of times, mostly because she is incredibly busy and it's much easier to have longer conversations while she's doing random things around the house. Skype chats are usually much shorter because there is so much to do. I'm also incredibly camera shy and hate awkward silence. Even phone chats are hard for me, but I'm working on it for her.

Maybe?

*hugs*

[TaraMarie]

She's not camera shy. She's upset. She doesn't want to be apart from you. I get it. I felt the same way too. Just do what my husband did. He just kept trying. And thanks k God he did!