GF came out, lied for a long time, trust hurt.

[Hails]

Hi long distance lovers.

Little background me(24/F) and my gf (28/F) have been together a little over 8 months. We met within an online community and I liked her straight away but had thought I was straight. So it took a little time working out if it was real but it was. We have had a wonderful 8 months with the usual ups and downs. Missing each other and the odd miscommunication but oh my word I swear I never thought I would feel the kind of soul connection I do with my love. She is truly wonderful. It’s not just soul I love her with my heart and find her very attractive. We’ve sent parcels etc but she’s sooo shy on the phone and I wasn’t pushing her and she’s also shy to send pics.

But a couple of months in after she realised that I was in it for her she sent me a pic I could stare at when I missed her. And she was working up to chatting when we Skyped. I had plenty to prove she was who she was with addresses and schools etc.

A couple of days ago she finally called me after 8 months of very committed relationship. I have a dark past with abuse of various types back to my childhood but have worked through and started to heal. I had shared with her everything she knew I value honesty highly.

So she called me and I noticed something was up right away so I talked soothingly and asked her what was on her mind. She told me she was trans. She sounded so upset and worried I just wanted to hug her and I told her it’s fine. Which it is for me. But then she talked about how the oestrogen hasn’t been working as she hoped. And then she said the girl in the picture wasn’t her she just wanted to give me something. I said I could understand why she did it but it would take some time getting used to the lie. But it made things make sense. She also told me something else once that didn’t make sense if she was born as male sex to do with an unexpected pregnancy so I asked about that and she said oh I didn’t think that wasn’t me it was a friend. But it was something that had seemed like her vulnerable truth to me... I asked why she told me and she didn’t know. That hurt as a lie more because it didn’t make sense anyway I told her whatever happens I still love her and will always be soulmates in some way even if it’s just as friends. That night all I felt was overwhelming love for her and wanted to make sure she was ok.

These last couple of days I’ve been dealing with my emotions. She’s allowed me to be a little hurt and have my emotions but I’m struggling to get past the lies she told me. Every time we talk and she does something that makes me overwhelmingly happy I remember to change her face to her actual one and am reminded of all the lies she told.

I want things to work out she truly is the most amazing person I’ve met in so many ways and I love her so much I can see a future with her. But I also don’t want to be dishonest with myself or force myself.

Does anyone have experience, advice, words of encouragement? Hugs? I feel quite isolated

[kittyxuchiha11]

First of all, big hugs!

In the grand scheme of things, I know knowing she's trans is a big thing, but to me her sending a picture that isn't her isn't the worst thing she could have done. For context, my SO is trans and she is very very insecure about her appearance to the point there are days she won't want me to look at her because she thinks she doesn't look feminine enough and thinks she looks like a horrible ugly man. The dysphoria that comes with being trans is very hard for anyone who doesn't have it to understand, like i really try to understand and reassure my SO she's fine and is in fact a girl and looks like one but it doesn't help most of the time. When someone is insecure they're probably going to tell lies to try make themselves sound better than they actually are, and by the sounds of it that's what your SO has done. She's not happy with her appearance and how the hormones are going and she's very insecure by the sound of it.

Honestly the only advice I can give is to try move past this, forget about the lies and sort of start anew. I know it's hard to trust once your trust has been betrayed, but if you love this girl and you think you can move past it give it a shot. best of luck

[hmrambling]

Open communication goes a long way. It may be hard to move past lies because it's hard to build trust on lies. If I were you, I would try to be understanding and I would explain the importance of being honest and open.