just hoping for advice

[meganmau]

Ok.. little background on my relationship first. We met almost 2 years ago in Jan. on eharmony and we hit it off really quick even though we knew that we lived 12 hrs away from each other from the beginning. Met for the first time for valentines day and then again in may before I had to leave for BMT. Some strange things happened though and I ended up breaking my ankle and staying in BMT in trainee status for 10 months and he deployed for 6 of those months. So 6 months of our then year long relationship where handeled simply by writing letters almost every day to each other ( i can tell you that writing letters and waiting for them to come from overseas is nerve racking). He finally got back in Feb and I got medically released in march. As soon as I could I went up to see him and spent an amazing weekend with him. Since then I have been up there 3 more times. however now that school has started for me it is not that easy for me to get up there and he is a cop so every other weekend he is working 12hr shifts. so its really limited.

here is where I need advice. things have just gone wonky since august. The last time I was up there was the last weekend in july and he was supposed to come to be my date to my best friends wedding however they cancelled his leave (yes they did do that so please dont tell me they cant) and instead made him work at sturgis for 12hrs a night 10 days straight. He got so sour and bitter about it that I thought he was unhappy with our relatioship. we worked that out though but ever since then my friends have been talking to me telling me theres no way that hes not cheating on me. that he probably lied about sturgis and all this stuff. I personally do not think that he is cheating.. its just not him and most of my friends do not even know him. however now its put the thought into my head and I keep reading into things and over thinking. he has this female coworker that hes close with and I had a wig out moment over that and he is constantly reassuring me that everything is fine. he has no interest in her and i trust him. How do i shake these stupid thoughts planted in my head now?

Nothing has changed in our relationship. He works nights so when hes awake im asleep so we dont talk a whole lot. He makes an effort to call me every morning before he goes to bed. we still text each other though its usually me starting the conversation. he still tells me he loves me and we are planning on going to his hometown in october for a week. we have talked about marriage and me moving up there when school is done (in a year). He admits that he probably does a few things to make me feel unsure because he forgets to text me sometimes or he just gets busy. Honestly I am even a little hesitant to write in this forum about this because everyone is painting him out to be this horrible guy but hes not. He loves me I think he is just in a rut right now. I just need to stick it out thats all. If he didnt want to be with me we wouldnt plan the furture and he wouldnt make an effort to talk to me every night even if i have to be the one to text him.

so Im just wondering how do I go back to before my friends started putting their input to my relationship?

[rixue]

He got so sour and bitter about it that I thought he was unhappy with our relatioship. we worked that out though but ever since then my friends have been talking to me telling me theres no way that hes not cheating on me. that he probably lied about sturgis and all this stuff. I personally do not think that he is cheating.. its just not him and most of my friends do not even know him.

Your friends don't know him, but they know only what you have told them. When he was bitter about work and you thought he was unhappy about your relationship did you talk to them about it? They might have gotten the wrong impression of him if you only talked about something possibly being wrong in your relationship. A lot of people are skeptical of LDRs if they have never been in one. They always seem to assume that cheating always happens in these type of relationships (I'm assuming mostly due to movies, they give LDRs a bad rap). Your SO reassured you nothing is going on with his coworker, you said you trust him so there should be nothing to worry about. Also, from all of the cops I know they are quite close with their coworkers for the line of work they are in, I wouldn't find that unusual. I think you are over thinking things, you know your SO, your friends don't.

You said nothing has changed in your relationship. He still makes an effort to call you every morning, says he still loves you, you are making trip plans, and are working towards closing the distance. It sounds like he might just be in a rut from work. When my SO has a bad week at work he sometimes gets into a rut and isn't as talkative for awhile and just needs to unwind by himself. He also gets very busy (works in a hospital) and isn't able to talk much during work. I know work for him is stressful sometimes and he is very busy. I sometimes will text him "I know you are busy, but I wanted to let you know I love you.", that tends to perk him up at work and makes his day better.

so Im just wondering how do I go back to before my friends started putting their input to my relationship?

Just ignore all the naysayers and prove them wrong. Your friends should be supportive of your relationship, not dissing it. Everyone here has your back! We know that LDRs can and do work out. PM me if you still need to talk about it!

Edit: I just realized you live in MO! I am just 20 minutes across the border!

[missyoulove]

Don't let what anyone else says make you second guess what you think and feel about him. Most people will never understand a LDR, let alone what it's like to go through a deployment. I find that there's already too much stress in life to listen to what anyone says about my relationship. If I did, it would never last. You've made it this far!