In need of reassurance :/

[WhimsieWhirled]

So, I'm with my best friend of two years and boyfriend of 7 months. He's currently enlisted for three years active duty and he's Infantry. He's about 3 weeks into basic, so it's all just starting, but they have him completely cut off from the outside world right now. They won't let him read my letters yet and he's not guaranteed any calls the entire time he's there.. There's still 10 weeks left and it's so hard. He's always always been very upfront about his plans to be a soldier, but it doesn't make it easier... I'm a tough girl, I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell in love with this guy, but having him completely unable to reassure me has been rough on me lately. All these things people say and all my little insecurities are surfacing. Questions I don't even want to think about start coming up in my mind.. Like the whole "If his body and deed is owned by the government, he doesn't have the ability to truly prioritize you". Or "if he really loved you as much as he says he does, why would he be willing to leave you for a job?". It's so complicated... He can't feel right if he doesn't do this. It's what he feels he's called to, and he does it out of a sense of duty that he can't betray for a girl, not even the one he wants to spend forever with. It is really hard thinking he can't guarantee me anything as far as him meeting my needs goes, due to the intensity of his career. I'm a pretty independent person but everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. And he can't be... For months at a time. I know, it's all part of the deal. I just need reassured that being in the military doesn't undermine prioritizing your partner. Is there a fundamental conflict here? Should I be unwilling to play second fiddle to the government? I don't know... I've made my decision. I refuse to give this guy up. Sometimes I feel like giving up, I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I ask if he's truly what I want. Sometimes I wonder if there are other futures out there with other people that aren't worth giving up for him. I'm not trying to make it sound like I don't love him. I do. I'm just being honest. My thoughts stray, sometimes. Is it okay to have these thoughts? Do all committed people just need to learn to ignore them and in the end the faithfulness pays off? Or should I be alarmed that I can still even ask these questions? I'm just so overwhelmed and confused. This might not even make sense. I don't know where else to go. :/

[Jgui]

I'm going to be very blunt here, military relationship isn't for everyone. we spend a lot of time being along and not knowing where he is. we have to be man AND woman of the house. we have to stay strong for our men because they can't have any distractions while they are in the field. we have to be willing to spend 1 year along in exchange for 30 days together. all those things i've listed all sucks, but they are all facts. if you soldier is a die-hard soldier you have to be okay with the fact you're probably always going to be 2nd to the Army. being in a military relationship means you're giving up the rights to complain about his job. he leaves when the Army tells him to and there's nothing he can do about it. as much as we hate thinking about deployments, it's a fact that he will get deploy. Being faithful to your soldier is a MUST in this relationship. I can't stress about how much i CANNOT stand people who cheat on there SO (male or female) when they're deployed.

But just like all relationships (military or not) it takes time, commitment, communication, and dedication to make it work. If for whatever reason you feel you may not be able to handle the distance and strain it puts on you then rethink your decision. Because his training doesn't stop after basics, he still needs to go to infantry school and depending on which infantry he's in, the duration of time varies; it could be weeks but it also could be months.

People are going to say what they want and have to say. But if you truly love your solder, other people's words will not affect your decision in any way. But I also won't lie, even for me, it's been a tough road.. I've been with my SO for 3 months, known each other for 6 months, seen each other 3 times only, but we're getting married in November. He's in the Air Force and we met while he was going through tech school. I've putted up a lot with his orders because he was suppose to be at his duty station early September. But because the schedule for his addition training got pushed back, EVERYTHING got pushed back. I was upset but there was NOTHING i can do about it. I can complain, but it doesn't anyone any good; it won't change the fact he isn't going to be back until early November (2 months later). I've also though about giving up but realize in the end I couldn't do it because i truly love him. my friends ask me questions which raises my insecurities but i shake it off and focus on the main picture.

I hope i wasn't too harsh, i don't mean to be. Good luck with everything and you can always PM me if you need to talk

[kireinamida]

I know it's tough. Especially since he's just starting all the military stuff (BCT etc.) and you barely have communication. I've been with my man for a while now and it was never easy for me. It's like an endless waiting game. I want to make it sound easy but I'm telling you, it's not. All the negative thoughts and crazy ideas will get in your head. We almost broke up a couple of times because it was so hard for us. I had to question myself too, like you, if this is what I really wanted and all those things, but I believe it's normal but don't let the doubts get the best of you. Think of the positive things. The times you've been together, and the future that you'll spend with each other.

The military goes first, that's what everyone says and it's true. He has to prioritize his duty over you, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. He's probably thinking of you all the time and the thoughts of you inspire him to go through the tough times. We all have to be strong for our men because that's what they need us to be, but it's also okay to let your emotions out. Nothing's easy with being a man in the military, it takes a lot. But if you're both committed in your relationship, you can make it work despite the lack of constant communication and the worry that comes with it. Don't overthink things and don't listen to the people who tell you negative words. They will not help. Believe in the relationship you guys have because in the end you know it will be worth it.

I'm not really sure if I made sense either. I want to say so much but I can't put them into words. I just hope you feel better.

[ilovemymarine]

I know where you're coming from & it sucks. It may seem like he's choosing his career over you but he might be choosing his career for you & your future together. Bootcamp is really the toughest part I think, being completely cut off from him. But the fact of the matter is he's cut from you and his family and he's somewhere unfamilar with a bunch of new faces. I get the insecurities your facing because I faced them about two years ago when my boyfriend left too. The truth is that it gets better, but it does take time. After my boyfriend left for bootcamp it was 8 months or so untill I could talk to him on a daily basis. It's hard but it's possible(:

[WhimsieWhirled]

Thank you all *so* much. <3 Really. The fact that you take a post from a total stranger and all take the time to help really means a lot. ) I appreciate the honesty, the encouragement, and the care, deeply. I apologize for my delayed response - work has been crazy!!

Jgui, your honest is refreshing and appreciated. I don't feel like you were too harsh (: And thank you for being there if I need you. ^-^

kireinamida, you did make perfect sense, and thank you so much. I especially appreciate the reassurance that his duty doesn't undermine his love for me.

ilovemymarine, when you said "It may seem like he's choosing his career over you but he might be choosing his career for you & your future together." that really made a world of difference! He's said before "I can't explain it babe. I want more than anything to spend every waking moment with you, but I can't feel right knowing I'm not doing everything within my power to protect you." and it reminded me of that. Thank you. <3