Basic blues.

[WhimsieWhirled]

Hey everybody, my name's Faith. My boyfriend, Joe, is in basic for active infantry, and we've been writing letters back and forth almost daily. We're a month into it and it was going just fine. Yesterday though, I got a reply from him that was really angry and harsh, because he misunderstood something I had said, and then at the end of it he said how it really made him feel like just giving in and running back home. That's the last thing I ever want hearing from me to do to him. I know he's under a lotttt of stress right now, so small things may be blown way outta proportion like that, but.. Our relationship has glitches. It's not perfect, it never has been and that doesn't change just because he's under a lot of strain. If just normal little misunderstandings are gonna cause him to lash out and hurt me, I don't know if I should be willing to deal with that? And more importantly, if it's going to be so damaging to his morale and his ability to be a strong soldier, should I be encouraging him to ask himself if he's capable of dealing with both a relationship and the military? They're both very demanding things and people only have so much capacity. I can't just totally censor myself so that everything I say to him is ideal for the next three years he's enlisted. That wouldn't even be a true relationship.
Just feeling sad and confused and wanting any input I can get. :/ Thanks for being here guys.

[Ruby1288]

Hello Faith,

As i'm waiting to hear if my SO is selected I'm turning to these threads to see what others go through during this time. I'm not sure if i'm the best resource for this kind of question but I would like to offer some advice. You simply should talk to him about whether it is something he can handle if you really don't want to just tell him the things you want to hear. Communication is key in any relationship and especially in this situation. I've been on and off LDR with my SO for three years and although it's hard sometimes, these issues need to come up before they grow as doubt in your mind. And if you really love him then you can trust that he will be honest with you and understand where you are coming from. If he can't then help him understand why you are concerned about him being able to handle both.

As I prepare myself, I know that once he is in he belongs to them not me. So if you understand that and let him know how important this is to him right now I think he can understand your point of view but it may add more stress to him to know that you may be demanding just as much as his job is which may be close to impossible. I'm not saying you are demanding a lot from him but he may take it this way. Maybe simply bringing up the topic may make him think you are so I understand your reluctance. In turn.. that may be a sign that he will have a problem balancing both..which doesn't mean you should give up on it.

Any way this all depends how the conversation goes. I think I may also be playing out different scenarios for what may come ahead for me.

Good Luck! I hope everything goes well.