SO is thinking about enlisting in the Army...

[missmossyoak]

I found out today that my SO is thinking about enlisting in the Army. He's been thinking about it for a while and today is the first time he has said anything to me. He is meeting with a recruiter tomorrow and it scares me that he might enlist. How do you who are in relationships with someone who is in the military handle it? Any advice for me? Thank you!!

[Sora1101]

I know how you feel, my SO's been thinking about enlisting in the Airforce and he's been meaning to meet with a recruiter as well. :/

[Semperfikindoflove]

Having an SO in the military can be extremely difficult. I've dealt with a few relationships with Marines and while deployments and boot camp can be difficult, you can make it through it together if you both want to. It takes a lot of strength, a lot of courage, and a lot of will power. Keep your head up and if you need anything please let me know. Here's my blog, it's for military SO's.

semperfikindoflove.blogspot.com

[missmossyoak]

He said that he would want to stay together, and he asked me if I would want to be with him while he's away at bootcamp and stuff and of course I said yes. I'll check out your blog, thank you

[efish1042]

Disclaimer: Based on my experiences with romance and the military. Everyone's experiences are different and I don't have a military SO, I've just watched countless family members and friends battle through this.
First of all, the military is making large cuts, so he may not even be able to get a job with them. Case in point, my dad may not have a job next year.
Second, so many members of my family are in the military, although not my SO, so I can tell you it's a challenge. I've helped many friends work through military relationships. Being honest here, I haven't seen a whole lot of bf/gf situations work out while one person is in the military. The military can be like high school all over again for some and it's sometimes more effort dealing with the drama than it is worth. However, if you are serious to the point of considering marriage, then the likelihood of success goes up considerably. One of the biggest reasons I've seen for this is the fact that everybody seems to think that they need to be in everybody else's business. So many people harping that "it isn't worth it", "different area code, she never has to know", and the like all the time, whereas is any other workplace people tend to mind their own business. Like I said, HS all over again. He's going to have to emphasize that this is his relationship and he doesn't want anybody else butting in. And he's going to have to do that a lot.
Question - How long does he plan on contracting for? Does he plan to make this a career?
Sometimes through sheer willpower you can get through a short contract long distance, but if he wants to make this a career, you have to think about if you want to be a military wife.
This is, in my opinion, one of the biggest LDR challenges and it can put you through some serious trials. Determination and communication are paramount. It's a little easier if they are stationed in the states as opposed to overseas or deployment. Who knows, he may even be on a post closer to you! Also, remember that if he does get in, there will be some things he just can't tell you and you will have to accept that. My sister-in-law has the view of "I don't want to know anything about your job," and it is a safe view to have. My mom has the view of "I'm really curious, but I know when you get that look that I need to drop it," which is also a safe view to have as long as you Drop It.
Every military spouse I know has said the worst things about deployment are 1.) worrying for them, 2.) limited communication, 3.) and feeling like your life is on hold waiting for them to get back. Even this is do-able. Communication technology has improved, the combat has died down to very little, and there are support groups -here and other places. You can do it.
This can work out and work out well. It's a guaranteed paycheck with free healthcare and many other benefits. If you both are stubborn enough to push through this and ignore what everyone else has to say, then rock on! To me, this is an LDR with the same challenges, just much more intense... but it is still do-able! I wish you two all the best!

[missmossyoak]

Thank you!! So he doesn't know yet how long he wants to enlist for, this idea is still pretty new, but he is meeting with an Army recruiter this afternoon. My mom is in the Army, so I have knowledge of having someone I love deployed but I know it will be much different with it being my SO. I know that the communication will be really hard for me. My SO and I talk every day, so going from that to pretty much no communication while he is at boot camp makes me sad but I really love him. We've had our share of struggles since the first time we started dating, and we recently got each other promise rings. I know that we both want to make it work, and I know that we can, I'm just incredibly nervous at the thought of him enlisting and having to possibly deploy. Maybe since we are already LD it will make it easier? I'm not sure. I told him last night that I am going to support what ever decision he makes.

[ushiwakafox]

efish1042 has the right idea I think. It really does depend on how committed you both are to each other. Since you mentioned that you both want to stay together, then that's great! And since your mom is in the Army also, I think that increases the chance of this working out for you. My dad is in the AF so I have an understanding of what to expect. My SO started AFBMT three weeks ago, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it's worth it. It makes you realize how many little things you take for granted about your SO, and how to appreciate everything. Be prepared to go through a lot of emotional drama. Not with your SO, with yourself. It's tough, especially if you are used to talking to your SO constantly like I am. But try to remember that this is what he wants, and try to find something to look forward to so you can get through basic a little easier. Maybe you two can discuss together a game plan. For me and my SO, him starting basic means that we're much closer to being able to get married and spend our lives together. That is what gets me through while he's away training. Figure out a game plan with your SO, it helps to at least have a plan.

[jamietaylorr]

My boyfriend has been in bootcamp for a month and a half now. You will be scared that he will stop loving you, or not care as much as you love him until you finally hear from him. I had those worries, and then I got my letter seeing that he was scared of the same thing. It is really hard. You just need to make sure you love him enough to go through it. I think long distance kinda makes it easier, but him and I talked 24/7 and he was my only close friend. Support him. It's what you both need.

[missmossyoak]

Thank you so much ladies! We haven't talked about it again for a day or so but he mentioned a few days ago that he would want to get married after basic so we will see.... We still have a lot to talk about.

[Danigirl08]

I will give you some advise. It will be hard and scary at times but be behind him 110%. At the beginning when I told my hub I wanted to join he hated the idea. But as time went on and he realized I was a strong stubborn woman, he let up. Plus it will actually make you stronger to! It was amazing to watch my hub change from when I first left to now. And te amount of pride you will feel knowing that you helped him through it I'm sorry I'm rambling!!! Best of luck!