I'm 31, and live alone in Portland, ME. I am a college dropout (6 years, no degree), though I hold a fairly decent job as a pharmacy technician at a local hospital. I've been single for about 6 months now. My last relationship lasted 2 years, and the one previous to that well over 7. I had roughly a 10 month break in between the two. Both relationships were initially started online. I have very few friends, as most have moved away or are extremely busy. I'm very introverted, but not in a shy way, I am simply very reserved in my manner. It takes me some time to open up to new people. I am a hopeless romantic, and have been since the onset of adolescence, lol. Most of my romantic pursuits have been unrequited, or ended up in deeply flawed relationships. I have a tendency to overextend and sacrifice myself too much, and seem to attract women who are very insular and not able to fend for themselves very well.
About 2 months ago, I met a girl online. She's very different from anyone I've met before. We have a ton in common, but she's only 20, and she has shipped off to join the Navy. I didn't intend to pursue anything romantic with her, because of her leaving and the age difference. But when first I met her in person first at a convention in Boston there was an immediate connection/attraction. I saw her roughly half a dozen times over the past month and a half. I confessed to her that I was romantically interested in her, to which she didn't really respond... she didn't reject me outright, but wouldn't tell me how she felt. However, she didn't stop talking to me and our friendship still continued to grow. Eventually, she did admit that were she not leaving she would be extremely interested in having a relationship with me.
And not that it matters to me, but she is a virgin. Kind of an out-of-the-blue statement, but it could be relevant. I'm not greatly experienced myself (only 2 partners), but she hasn't been with anybody. She might not want to commit to one person because of that. Even beyond that, I guess it kind of boils down to the fact that I'm really ready to commit to one person and settle down, and [perhaps] she is not. She did, however, make a few comments in the time before she left which insinuated that I could be "the one".
There are a number of other complicated factors in this... but the short and the long of it is, we ended on a really good note, and I can tell she has come to care for me. But she's gone... she is now at boot camp. I even saw her off at the airport (just a few days ago). She asked me for my address so she can write me while she's there, and I plan to write to her as well... but I've fallen in love with her, and am really unsure what will or be able to happen between us.
I'm going crazy. Before she left I was going to try and convince her to stay, even going as far to write a lengthy letter which I did not give her. However, I decided that wasn't the right thing to do. I support her joining the Navy, even though I don't necessarily think it is what is best suited to her personality. I admire her dedication to the choice, even though she doesn't know a ton about it, where it may take her, or if she'll even like it. She's in good shape and fairly well prepared for it physically, though she may struggle a bit with the running. Still I worry. She's a bit tomboyish and kind of geeky, albeit in a cute, cool way (at least to me). I'm not sure she's prepared to handle what the other recruits will be like... and admittedly, I'm not even sure what they'll be like. I guess in a way I'm hoping she won't make it through boot camp, for then she could return and I might have a chance at a relationship with her. But on the other hand, even if she returns, she still needs to experience things she might not be able to find in Maine or with me.
Pretty much all I do lately is think about the implications of this situation for me :-p I am extremely pensive, and have far too much time alone to think. She has said that she wants to reenlist every 4 years until she hits 20 years in the Navy!! I think it's probably a little soon for her to make that decision, not knowing if she even likes it yet. But I've thought about whether I'd be willing to move once she gets stationed. I suppose it all depends on how our friendship/relationship continues to progress, if at all. I hate all these unknowns... and it's so frustrating know the potential for a relationship is there, but not being able to explore that possibility. Truly, I haven't ever met anyone I've connected with like I have with her. I wouldn't be ignoring all of these complexities and obstacles if there wasn't such a strong connection. Maybe it's just going to be a really deep friendship, nothing more. I just hate not know what it could be.
Any thoughts on this? I can't stop thinking about her, and it will likely be weeks now before I hear any word. I'm especially interested in getting a little feminine perspective on this. It's gonna be a long wait for that first letter from her... I'm trying to stay positive and focus on what's important, but it's hard since I spend so much time alone.
About 2 months ago, I met a girl online. She's very different from anyone I've met before. We have a ton in common, but she's only 20, and she has shipped off to join the Navy. I didn't intend to pursue anything romantic with her, because of her leaving and the age difference. But when first I met her in person first at a convention in Boston there was an immediate connection/attraction. I saw her roughly half a dozen times over the past month and a half. I confessed to her that I was romantically interested in her, to which she didn't really respond... she didn't reject me outright, but wouldn't tell me how she felt. However, she didn't stop talking to me and our friendship still continued to grow. Eventually, she did admit that were she not leaving she would be extremely interested in having a relationship with me.
And not that it matters to me, but she is a virgin. Kind of an out-of-the-blue statement, but it could be relevant. I'm not greatly experienced myself (only 2 partners), but she hasn't been with anybody. She might not want to commit to one person because of that. Even beyond that, I guess it kind of boils down to the fact that I'm really ready to commit to one person and settle down, and [perhaps] she is not. She did, however, make a few comments in the time before she left which insinuated that I could be "the one".
There are a number of other complicated factors in this... but the short and the long of it is, we ended on a really good note, and I can tell she has come to care for me. But she's gone... she is now at boot camp. I even saw her off at the airport (just a few days ago). She asked me for my address so she can write me while she's there, and I plan to write to her as well... but I've fallen in love with her, and am really unsure what will or be able to happen between us.
I'm going crazy. Before she left I was going to try and convince her to stay, even going as far to write a lengthy letter which I did not give her. However, I decided that wasn't the right thing to do. I support her joining the Navy, even though I don't necessarily think it is what is best suited to her personality. I admire her dedication to the choice, even though she doesn't know a ton about it, where it may take her, or if she'll even like it. She's in good shape and fairly well prepared for it physically, though she may struggle a bit with the running. Still I worry. She's a bit tomboyish and kind of geeky, albeit in a cute, cool way (at least to me). I'm not sure she's prepared to handle what the other recruits will be like... and admittedly, I'm not even sure what they'll be like. I guess in a way I'm hoping she won't make it through boot camp, for then she could return and I might have a chance at a relationship with her. But on the other hand, even if she returns, she still needs to experience things she might not be able to find in Maine or with me.
Pretty much all I do lately is think about the implications of this situation for me :-p I am extremely pensive, and have far too much time alone to think. She has said that she wants to reenlist every 4 years until she hits 20 years in the Navy!! I think it's probably a little soon for her to make that decision, not knowing if she even likes it yet. But I've thought about whether I'd be willing to move once she gets stationed. I suppose it all depends on how our friendship/relationship continues to progress, if at all. I hate all these unknowns... and it's so frustrating know the potential for a relationship is there, but not being able to explore that possibility. Truly, I haven't ever met anyone I've connected with like I have with her. I wouldn't be ignoring all of these complexities and obstacles if there wasn't such a strong connection. Maybe it's just going to be a really deep friendship, nothing more. I just hate not know what it could be.
Any thoughts on this? I can't stop thinking about her, and it will likely be weeks now before I hear any word. I'm especially interested in getting a little feminine perspective on this. It's gonna be a long wait for that first letter from her... I'm trying to stay positive and focus on what's important, but it's hard since I spend so much time alone.
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