Arguing...

[ChaneyAlexis]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now and he is across the country right now for A-school for the Navy. Before he left for basic, we never argued, ever. There was one time, and that wasn't even arguing, just a disagreement. The past few months though, it's progressively getting worse. Mainly about how often we talk on the phone or Skype. He is always telling me he can't because his roommates (he has four) are in the room. Which, okay, I understand that that can be awkward, but they are there all. the. time. We are never able to talk because my boyfriend is uncomfortable with it. He doesn't really like talking on the phone either...so that is an issue too. Part of me just wants to tell him to suck it up, but I don't want to me mean. It's just so frustrating to me that that is his only excuse. We talked about it today over the phone and he got mad and said I blamed everything on him and that it wasn't fair. I cried, he got frustrate, then he said we were going to just forget about it and leave it alone because he didn't want to argue anymore. We ended up Skyping later and stuff, but it doesn't feel quite right. I feel like a jerk for nagging him about talking, I know he is stressed about school and stuff, but gahhh. I hate this. I've said I'm sorry, but I don't think it means anything to him anymore...I just want things to go back to how they were where we didn't argue. I have to wait til September to see him (I haven't seen him since the beginning of February) and even then, it's only for two weeks...I'm dreading having to say goodbye again. I don't really know what I'm wanting from this post, just encouragement I guess. It's all starting to get to me and it's making both of us miserable. Is there anything I could do other than say "I'm sorry"? I'm making him a care package to send later this month, and thought about putting something in there about it maybe, but I'm not sure...

[LadyDaemon]

Ok,so first I don't think you're necessarily being a jerk,but I do think you need to have a bit more understanding. He's at A-school right now and he's in a room he has to share with 4 other guys. That can be noisy (believe it or not) and obnoxious,especially when trying to carry on a skype/phone call. Maybe you can ask him to try to find a spot that he can go to get away from all of that and he can talk to you. Unfortunately this is something you'll probably have to deal with on and off in his Navy career,because if he goes out on cruise he'll be on a ship where it's noisy all the time,he'll constantly be busy and he'll have a bunch of people around him all the time. Also,when you talk to him about these things bothering you try to avoid being or sounding accusatory because that might make him feel like he's just doing everything all wrong in your eyes. Try something along the lines of "Babe,I know you're busy and I know you don't really like to talk on skype with your roommates around,but can you please try to work on getting more comfortable with it so we can have more time to talk when you're not busy?" Hope this helps.

[ushiwakafox]

My SO is in AF tech school right now, and it sounds fairly similar to what your SO is experiencing. My SO didn't have as many roomies, but talking on the phone in the room was definitely difficult with how obnoxious and loud they were. Plus he got very little reception in his room anyway. Usually he'll just go out into the hallway to talk on the phone. We mostly text though, we only talk on the phone now to say goodnight these days. Within the past four months we've only skyped two or three times. But when we did it was really nice because he would go to the library and take his laptop so it was quiet and no one bothered us. Maybe your SO could do that. Obviously walking somewhere else every day is a bit much but maybe on the weekends.
I feel you, I think we all understand what you're feeling right now. He's likely very stressed and tired with school and everything he's been through since he joined. I know it's hard, but try to understand that sometimes he may not want to talk. Being a military SO or fiance or wife or even child means sacrificing your own desires a lot of the time. It's very important to always remember that he looks to you for support and comfort.

Maybe instead of asking him why he doesn't want to talk on the phone in his room, see if there's some other way of communication he would be ok with. You mentioned he's been more argumentative lately, maybe something's been bothering him? Ask him if there's anything on his mind that's bothering him. But always make sure you tell him that you're here for him and that even if he tells you he doesn't want to talk about it, that if he ever does want to talk, you're here to listen.

When it comes down to it, sometimes all you can do is sucking it up. In most LDRs telling someone to suck it up isn't usually good advice, but in milLDRs sometimes that's all you can do.

I hope things start to look up for you, we all know what it's like to just want to talk but for whatever reason they can't/don't want to today.
You got this!

[Klarka]

I think the distance can cause problems as well.....we never had problems before with my bf and now we ve been long distance for a year and its like we dont understand each other....sometimes iam even fed up with him and i dont like his opinions....

[ushiwakafox]

I think the distance can cause problems as well.....we never had problems before with my bf and now we ve been long distance for a year and its like we dont understand each other....sometimes iam even fed up with him and i dont like his opinions....

Yea I think distance definitely can put a stain on things sometimes too.

My SO has been going through outprocessing this past week and the last few days he's being trying to get paperwork together so he can come home on Friday, get his striped sewn on, buy a plane ticket, and other things that he needs to get done before Thursday. So of course he's stressed and it definitely shows. He's been a bit snappy and just overall frustrated when we talk, and it does hurt my feelings of course but I have to remember he's going through a lot and he's got a lot on his mind. Now that he's got pretty much everything done, he's back to his normal self.
OP, just give him some time. Maybe all he needs is some adjustment time.

[ams.201220]

My SO and I have problems like this all the time! He's just beginning the steps to enlist so it's not on par, but I haven't seen him in a year. The last time I saw him was when we met. Because of this, talking is really crucial to our development and sometimes he can't. I love Skyping, but we didn't initially start Skyping so sometimes it's awkward and I never know how to tell him that I want to talk more. I also don't want to start unnecessary arguments either.

Eventually you're going to have to just tell him though. It's gonna be hard and kinda nerve-wrecking, but once it's out in the open, he'll know how you feel about it. Honestly, he needs to make time for you. You're dealing with him being gone and you know you won't be able to talk all the time, but he can't always put his roommates before you. Ultimately, he is going to come back to you and if he's not being aware of your feelings, he needs to know.

Like Lady said, ask him if he can try to find somewhere he can talk to you. Even if it's once or twice a week. He's going to get mad, but you're both just going to have to push through it. You have as much right to your feelings as he does.