Army.. :(

[tjkex]

My boyfriend is almost completely against me joining the Army. It tears me apart inside. I've been wanting to join to the military since I was a little girl and I really don't think he realizes that I am doing completely everything I possibly can to get stationed near him. I'm going against what I want to do, medical, and I'm trying as hard as I can to go into mechanics and the what not so I can get into BAT but his opinion on the matter still hasn't changed. It's breaking my heart that I'm torn between my life and career or him. He still says he'll be supportive but I know he doesn't like it and he doesn't think I'll be anywhere near him. I know once you're out of AIT your station can be anywhere and no one will take your wishlist into consideration. But that's why I'm trying to pick my MOS with a certain guarantee, or at least a little bit bigger chance, of be getting stationed somewhere near him. What can I do? I'm so sad right now..

[lyonsgirl]

Why is he against it?

[ThePiedPiper]

Why is he against it?

Men/women in uniform are dealbreakers for me, but I do think it's important to know why he's against it and so I have the same question as lyonsgirl. Is it a dealbreaker for him in the way the relationship isn't going to work anyway, or is his supporting you but not liking it something that can be worked through? Is it a fear of the distance? Of something happening to you? etc.

Also, it's a bit silly not to go into what you want to do and have wanted to do since you were a little girl for the sake of your SO. I realise that it doesn't seem like that now, but what happens if you broke up tomorrow? What would you do if your SO was not an option? Medical? Because if so, that's where you need to aim to go. Making career or educational compromises with your SO (within reason) is never a good thing and will possibly cause problems in the relationship later on. It's one thing if you already have established careers and one of you needs to bend or compromise a little for the other, but it's something entirely different if you're choosing to sacrifice your dream career because you know your SO doesn't like the idea. Recipe for disaster waiting to happen, right there.

[tjkex]

He's against it because he thinks we won't be able to talk anymore except for a few minutes here or there and the distance. I don't think he's afraid of me getting hurt at all because I'll most likely be stationed state side. We talk every day, and I told the longest we'll go without talking is me going through basic and AIT. Once I'm stationed I'll get more free time, and two and a half days where I can actually leave and do whatever once a month. If I'm stationed within driving distance of him, 2-6 hours, I told him I'll see him once a month; more than what we get currently. I last saw him in May, and I'll be seeing him next month for nine days, and then after that he has no more vacation time until 2014 and I can't take anymore days off work as well.

If I can go into medical and get into BAT which is a volunteer training and get stationed in S.C., I'll be only four hours away from him. Better than the twelve and a half hour distance we're at right now. I just don't think he gets it or understands it; he even stated himself that he's probably over analyzing things. I told him I am going to join regardless, but I don't know what I would do if I were to lose him in the process. It's not selfish of me to pursue this career, is it? He told me to stop worrying and that everything will be alright, but I can't help but have it on the back of my mind whenever I take another step closer to my goal of joining.

[RedWhirlwind]

tjkex...Don't sacrifice your dream career for anyone. It sounds like he isn't going to be happy with your military career path regardless of what you do, so why would you take any career path but the one you truly want to do? At least then, in the end, you will be on the path to a career that will make you happy no matter what happens with your relationship.

I'm in a LDR with an Army guy myself and have my own career as well; and we're both committed to continuing those careers despite the difficulty that poses for our relationship because neither of us would be the person each of us loves without those careers.

[LittleBox]

I'm in an LDR with a Military man too. I never expected to be and nor do I condone the military but it is what it is. He says its given him discipline and made him a stronger person which has added a lot to our relationship because I'm going through a medical issue at the moment that requires an incredible amount of strength from anyone who is in a relationship with me.

Right now we talk daily and late into the night because he works evenings. He'll be switching to daytime in September and our time together will be cut back a lot but we've talked about working around that and how it would make the time we do get to spend together all the more special. There a possibility of a deployment in the future too and thats another hurdle we'll have to clear when we get to it. If the time you'll get to spend together is the only thing that's concerned about then its something you need to talk about and see how you'll be able to adjust to it. He's assuming the worst case scenario. Its not selfish of you at all to want to pursue the career you want to but its rather unfair of him to sulk about it and make you feel like you have to choose between him and your career.

[ushiwakafox]

Please please PLEASE don't base your career and your LIFE on your SO. I know it sucks, and it's hard when you aren't fully supported by the one you really want support from, but this is your life, not his. You need to be happy with your own life, please don't sacrifice your own happiness and dreams for anyone. You will regret it. Especially in the military, if you're not in a job you like, it's gonna really suck. I've been a military brat all my life, and my fiance is now in the AF, and while it is tough sometimes, just like every relationship, it's worth it. My fiance is stationed in Japan for his first assignment, it's a 14 hour time difference, but actually talk more now than we did when he was in the same time zone. And of course you're not gonna get to talk much while you're at basic training, but really after that you'll get to talk every day. You're definitely not being selfish at all. I'm assuming he just doesn't know much about military life maybe, so he's hesitant. But it's like you said, there's a possibility that you could be stationed closer to him than you are now.

But regardless, do what's right for YOU. What do you want for yourself? And it really doesn't matter how hard you try, if the Army wants you at a different base, they're going to send you there, not where you really want. It's unlikely that you'll get the base you request. My fiance put England for his first choice on his dream sheet, but they sent him to Japan (which he's happy with too). My dad is a chief, and he still doesn't get the base he wants sometimes.