I feel like he's not trying.. =/

[bekah]

My boyfriend and I are started our relationship a month ago knowing we would be 350 miles apart (we have known each other for 3 years, he used to live where i do).

Sense we started dating I've gotten on here and read articles about long distance relationships. I've written him letters telling him what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking. I call him and text him and try to make sure he never has to wonder if I still love him or of I'm still in this 100%

It's a month in and I just got the first letter from him today. Other than him writing "love you" at the end, it had nothing to do with what he thinks and what he feels. It was about him taking his clothes to the dry cleaners and he's going to do a run next week with his buddies. I always have to ask him what he feels, he never volunteers the information. I've given him the link to this website and I don't think he's looked at it once.

I know he's busy. He's in the miltary. He goes to school for the military every day, then he has to pt, he has to study, and have some kind of a life. But even though he says he's all in this and he's asked me to move out to him, I feel like he's not trying. He's too busy to do this and that.

I know I have a lot more time on my hands, and he has kind of accommodated my neediness by texting me every now and then to remind me he loves me. But that's pretty much all he does.

Do i have any right to be upset about this? Do you think getting the LDR work book would be a good idea? I don't want to bombard him with anything.

I am very much in love with him and would like this to work out, and he says he feels the same. I just don't want to ruin it because I'm insecure and am not gtting the emotional support i need.

[rubydissolution]

Honestly I think you are overreacting here. I know this is cliché but he's a guy...for most of them being forthcoming with their emotions isn't something that comes natural to them. Some women can go their entire marriage not getting a love letter or an over the top romantic gesture. Some guys do it some guys don't.

He wrote you a letter telling you about his day and tells you he loves you regularly. It sounds like he's doing the best he can with what little time he has. Cut him some slack.

[LadyDaemon]

I agree with Ruby on this. I'd also like to add to though that especially military guys are kinda taught not to be emotional. It's go to work,eat,go to the bathroom,sleep,repeat the following day. To be in the military and be all emotional is just a no go. I had to figure this out myself because my fiance is prior US Navy and he's kinda the same way with me. It doesn't mean he loves you any less or that he's not in it. It just means he's got a lot on his plate,he's often really busy and he just may not think about it or he may not be ready to tell you exactly how he feels just yet. You have to let that stuff come out on it's own from the other person when they are ready,you can't force it or he's gonna feel pressured by you. I'd back off and just let him come to you about it when he's ready (within reason),when I say that I don't mean let him go on for like the next year solid not showing you how he feels. Just be patient and easy on him,his job is hard enough and he has to deal with a lot as it is because of what he does,he doesn't need an overly needy girlfriend on his case every time he doesn't reciprocate a feeling. Besides,if you're going to be with someone who's military the one thing you have to understand is that you're going to have to deal with A LOT and if you can't deal with a lot and you're like this constantly then you'll probably have issues for as long as you're with him. Just ease off a bit.

[LittleBox]

It seems like its just his personality, he's not forthcoming with feelings but like LadyDaemon said that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He makes the effort to write to you and text you. In turn you could appreciate those little gestures rather than being needy and reading too much into it. My boyfriend is in the military too and at times our guys need us to be supportive and patient.

You said you have a lot of time on your hands, keep yourself busy with a hobby or work so that you're not fixated on him. I'm not sure an LDR workbook would be a good idea if he's already far too busy. You could streamline it a little and send him a couple of fun questions when you write to him and take turns finding out more about each other that way so that your letters don't become monotonous. You've only mentioned writing letters and texting, can he get online for a couple of hours a week? If so you could plan an "date night" and watch a movie together or do something interactive. I realise that actions speak louder than words and sometimes "I love you" doesn't say enough but its something he has to come to on his own without you smothering/pressuring him.

[lifeatitsbest]

if this is really bothering you, i think you should have a serious conversation about how it makes you feel, and let him know that changes need to be made in order for you to be really happy in this relationship. if you just "let it go", it's always going to be bothering you, and will come out eventually one way or another.

[alizee]

My boyfriend and I are started our relationship a month ago knowing we would be 350 miles apart (we have known each other for 3 years, he used to live where i do).

Sense we started dating I've gotten on here and read articles about long distance relationships. I've written him letters telling him what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking. I call him and text him and try to make sure he never has to wonder if I still love him or of I'm still in this 100%

It's a month in and I just got the first letter from him today. Other than him writing "love you" at the end, it had nothing to do with what he thinks and what he feels. It was about him taking his clothes to the dry cleaners and he's going to do a run next week with his buddies. I always have to ask him what he feels, he never volunteers the information. I've given him the link to this website and I don't think he's looked at it once.

I know he's busy. He's in the miltary. He goes to school for the military every day, then he has to pt, he has to study, and have some kind of a life. But even though he says he's all in this and he's asked me to move out to him, I feel like he's not trying. He's too busy to do this and that.

I know I have a lot more time on my hands, and he has kind of accommodated my neediness by texting me every now and then to remind me he loves me. But that's pretty much all he does.

Do i have any right to be upset about this? Do you think getting the LDR work book would be a good idea? I don't want to bombard him with anything.

I am very much in love with him and would like this to work out, and he says he feels the same. I just don't want to ruin it because I'm insecure and am not gtting the emotional support i need.

I have a similar story to yours, except I didn*t met him in person yet. We*ve met through his family and started talking on IM, and after that on the phone. I feel we have nice conversations and by talking to him I ”sensed” him to be calm, respectful, intelligent, smart and hard working. We have the same hometown (where I still live and where his family lives). He asked me 2 times to come to visit him (last invitation being made last week - but I told him it was too early to visit him and he understood telling me to announce him when I was ready, plus he has some work to do at his house and and we are planning to see each other in SEPTEMBER when he comes home with his work vacation) and he says we have interesting conversations and he talls so nicely and respectful to me. The thing is that, just like you, he doesn*t send me texts on his own - I mean like a short text in the morning, telling me to have a nice day - it*s always me who sends them and he always responds back nicely. The phone talking is like 3-5 times a week (but I would want more, because I enjoy our conversations!!!) for like 10 -20 minutes and I feel like he*s not so much of a phone talker. He always tells me if he goes out on weekends with his friends (to a club, to the pool, to a barbecue and I tell him to have a good time with all my heart, but to tell you I am a little jealous of his friends, but I never showed him that). He has a stressful job, spending often extra hours there and most of the time, after work, he goes to the gym, because he*s an active guy, and he says this makes him relax and that*s mostly his week day!!!! And when he gets home he is tired of a long day. He also lives on his own and he has housing to do and when evening comes he gets tired and falls asleep easily. He only remembers me every 2-4 days and no, it*s not because he has somebody, it*s just him being like that.... I think that if you start to care for a person (as I am starting to ) you just make time for him, and all the tiredness that you have, caused by long work days is melted away by hearing the voice of your beloved. I could spend hours talking to him (although sometimes we run out of things to say, but that can happen to everybody). But I guess that*s just me who thinks that! Just like you I DO have more spare time than he!
I MEAN THIS GUY IS SENDING ME MIXED SIGNALS and I don*t know what to think!!!! On one hand he is invinting me to come to visit him, tells me we have interesting conversations and tells me about his life - friends, family, his way of life AND on the other hand I feel like he*s forgetting about me for not texting me on his own(I mean one short message just to see that he thinks about me!!! - is that to much effort for him in his busy life???? it would take him 1 minute to write it!), and the phone calls are rare (1 phone at every 2-3 days, for only 10-15 minutes), but again if I call him and he can*t answer me at that moment, he sees the missed call and ALWAYS calls me back. I stopped sending him texts (just 5-10 texts/ week) and of course he DOESN*T send me texts on his own. Am I being paranoid here???? I need some opinions from you, because I feel this is driving me crazy! I mean I feel like that*s his way of being, but just seeing him acting like that I am just afraid to go to visit him, because maybe he won*t give me the attention that I deserve.

[digitalfever]

I think your expecting too much. To me your forcing romance when it will eventually happen.

[Goyangi]

Interestingly enough, I've had two military boyfriends - one was long distance for a few months before we broke up, and the one I'm in now has been long distance pretty much the entire time. My first SO... Wasn't very forthcoming with his romantic emotions. It would take A LOT for him to express an I love you or an I miss you when we were long distance. He just assumed it was something I should know at all times, no need to beat a dead horse.

With my current SO... Well, he is an incredibly romantic individual. He has consistently made me a priority throughout his military training, and even on his busiest days (and my busiest days, actually, we were both in separate locations for different types of military training - I'm a service member myself) he would always make a point to call me/text me at least once to say, "I've been thinking about you all day/I need to hear your voice/I miss you like crazy/you're so beautiful/Thank you for being here for me." Even if these types of phone calls lasted for only a minute, I would reciprocate because I knew he needed to hear me say it, too.

What I'm saying is, everyone is different. But you probably knew that. Maybe your SO is not the romantic type. I definitely understand how you're feeling, being an emotionally needy person myself. And I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who left me feeling emotionally unsatisfied. It seems like you're unhappy in your relationship, so who a better person to talk to about your feelings than your SO. Either you adjust your expectations or he agrees to put forth a little more effort or even better, you both meet in the middle.

[kayla_622]

I think you are expecting too much. The relationship isn't even a month old now. I know its hard but, try not to come off as so needy. He knows you are there and care for him and you should know that he feels the same way. That sort of stuff doesn't always have to be said every chance you get.

You know he has a lot on his plate right now. You said it yourself. Being a month into a relationship and only getting one letter from your SO isn't bad at all. That's actually pretty good considering he texts you too. Don't buy the LDR workbook. I don't think you guys need it. I just think you need to fill your free time with something that will take your mind off the constant worrying.