Army SO is in a rough spot

[RedWhirlwind]

Hi all,

My guy is near the end a block of training and feeling very depressed and unmotivated because this training is pretty much useless to what he will be doing when he gets to his unit. It's just a box that has to be checked that he completed it. He was REALLY down and upset and frustrated last night, and talking about quitting. I was trying to get his mind back in the game, reminding him how much work he's already put in to getting this job/unit assignment and how much he wants this job even though this training block seems frustratingly pointless, and he needs to finish it to get where he wants to be.

On top of that, he keeps worrying about what will happen when he gets to his post, which is currently on the opposite side of the of country from me, even though I will be moving closer to his post in a few months for my own job (we would still be very LD). The fact that after the two weeks we'll have together after this training is over, we have no idea when we'll be able to see each other again. He's worried that all the things he been told about how this unit takes care of it's own is just so much hot air and smoke. He's worrying about EVERYTHING. And I keep reminding him that you can't plan on maybes and what ifs, you have to deal with today first and let tomorrow take care of itself until it actually gets here.

Does anyone have any advice or experience in helping their military SO pull through these 'downs'? He's normally pretty positive, though he is a thinker/worrier.

[Goyangi]

I'm in the Army, and my SO is in the Army. The reality is, in the Army, you are constantly receiving "training" and getting "briefed" on all types of craziness that may seen totally irrelevant to one's particular MOS/job/"what he or she will being doing at X unit". Unless he's already been to his unit, what he thought he was going to be doing may be totally different than what he actually ends up doing, if that makes sense.

I'm going to be honest in my opinion here and say that having "expectations" in the military can be very defeating. I will also say that having "rough periods" and disillusionment with certain aspects of the military is relatively normal. My SO just had a "rough patch" himself where he was unable to accomplish what he had originally enlisted for. He ended up in a unit in which his fellow soldiers had described to him as the "place where they send good soldiers to die." But I was consistently positive. What else could I do? My advice remained in the vein of, "no matter what you're dealt, you're going to make the best of it. You're going to seize all opportunity to better yourself as a soldier and as a person." It sounds like you're doing right by remaining positive, too. He DOES need to get his head back in the game.

Now, as far as visits go.. Ha. You know you're dating someone in the military when you don't know when you'll see them next. Seriously. Unless you live close enough to his unit where you could make visits on weekends. My SO told me two days ago that he got a four day pass for Labor day weekend and will be coming up to see me for a few precious days. It sucks. It sucks not knowing, and it's probably the most triggers my frustration the most. You both have to be flexible, understanding, and openminded. If only money and leave were of endless supply.

If you need any clarification/someone to talk to let me know.