Just starting out

[Curly]

Hello. New here and just recently started chatting/texting with an Army guy.
We've had a running conversation for a while and though neither of us are much for the telephone - he called for the first time and we talked for an hour.
It's not a totally blind thing - he comes with great references from two of my close friends - and we went to HS together - though we don't remember each other.
We are bi-coastal - though he visits his family here once or twice a year.

He got short straw on Christmas so we have hatched a plan to meet on a business trip of mine - for a 3-day weekend.
I know..
But at our age (we are both approaching 40) why waste an opportunity to really spend some time and get to know one another.
If its a success we'll remain bi-coastal for some time. So we might as well take advantage of it.
This is way outside my realm. While I grew up in a military family - I don't know the first thing about dating a soldier.
Please share any tips - wisdom and suggestions. Not just for how to make our first meet a success - but how to navigate the lifestyle and the military community. (For instance I have an acquaintance stationed at the same place. But he's considerably higher ranking...is it OK to go to dinner with them when I'm out - or would that be a no no?)

Thanks in advance for advice & support as we embark on this adventure.

If you have any clarifying questions please feel free...

[BabyGund]

No advice but I too grew up in a military family but it's been 20 years since I dated a sailor (my dad was Army; mom was Navy -- we were stationed near Navy Base when I met the sailor, so it was CD).

Hopefully someone will chime in.

[stormy]

Hi there,

I am also just starting a relationship with someone on the opposite coast. We met years ago during my first year of college and lost contact for I would say about five years or so before reconnecting through social media. He is a SAR swimmer for the Navy and although I might not have much experience on the military end of things you'd like advice on I can speak on the meeting...
Just a month ago he came to visit me in my city for five days. I was SOOOO nervous waiting for him at the airport. I believe it went great because we allowed it to be whatever it was. We did not ignore all the romantic things we had said to one another over the phone or through texts (he likes phone calls more than texting, I'm a texting monster) but we also (I think) realized that it was kind of like a first date on speed. We also allowed for it to be as corny as we wanted and did not stifle it (think in uniform, dropping bag to grab me kind of corny). We did have our first disagreement while he was here but what I have found to be one of the most beautiful things about a long distance relationship is your appreciation of time. We were mad, pretty freaking mad ("I'll just go home early then" mad), and did not go to bed that way. We did not have time to waste, but we are both humans, learning about one another, quickly. And oh boy did we learn about one another from that experience.
Two weeks later he asked me to meet him in his hometown (closer to where I live than where he currently lives) and we spent a weekend together. Again got into a disagreement (much much smaller, possibly just handled way better because of how much we are learning about one another now) and it was over WAY faster.

So my advice isn't really advice I guess... it's just... relax. Don't rush your time face to face but remember why you're there too. It might not be "perfect" but I feel that as long as you remember all of that... even the disagreements will become worth it and you'll grow from it, just like any other relationship.

Oh and writing seems to be working wonders for us. He is unable to use the phone for the past few days but sent a package to me with letters he has written inside. For the holidays I sent a journal I began writing in and have e-mailed him during the past few days. Sometimes it forces you to dig deep

Best of luck!

[Curly]

Thank You so much for the responses! So appreciated!

We have a month to go before meeting and things are still going really well.
We are learning more and more about each other.

I feel like I've been dating him for months - just haven't actually been in the same room with him.

Im still nervous about meeting - but I don't think that will go away.
As much as we've talked about how we'd like it to go-
we reign ourselves back from our imagination now and then.
No expectations - just going to enjoy each other.

We write/text a lot and call occasionally.
I'm finding that I need to check myself.
How can I be slipping into feelings with someone I haven't met.
The power of written word I suppose. So intimate.

2 steps forward - 1 step back for both of us I think.

At least Im not alone in that part of the puzzle.

Off to make some Christmas Fettucini and chat with my guy.

Thank You again!

[LittleBox]

Welcome, Curly! My boyfriend is in the military too and its a whole new experience for us. He's going to be deployed in a couple of months so we're planning on meeting in February for a week when I have a break from uni. Its great that you have a "no expectations" view, it should make things more comfortable. We're both super nervous but we hope after the initial jitters we'll be perfectly fine and just enjoy the time we have together.

[NavyWife]

The nervousness of seeing them never goes away. My fiance and I have been together for 7 years before he left for the Navy. I still get nervous to see him but its a different kind of nervous...its like meeting him for the first time but you already know him. It's very magical. It's hard when they leave but when you see them again you have the privilege of falling in love with them over and over. It's hard to explain but its amazing. I hate that he's gone but, there's. Certain magic to it all that you just have to experience yourself

[cuban_girl]

Welcome Curly!!! I'm also dating a military man, first time with a military person and also first time in a long distance relationship, so it was sort of a lot for me at first, but you learn how to handle it and how to make the best of it. About been nervous it's normal, I see my SO every 2 weeks or so and I still get nervous. And I know exactly what you mean when you say that it feels like you have been dating him for months, I feel the same way! That's one of the advantages of a long distance relationship, you have the chance to connect with your SO in a deper level because you are not together, and the communication really helps to get to know one another. Best of luck to you!!