Him Making Sacrifices

[Heavenly_Love12]

Hi everyone. I'm wondering if there are any other females in this group who is the military member. I've been in the Air Force for almost 2 years now and my SO is a civilian. He grew up in a military family and was in the Air Force himself for a short period of time in 2010. I haven't seen or met that many women in the military who are married to someone who's primarily been a civilian but there are a ton of men that have civilian wives.

I feel guilty because he's wanting to be with me. He's really close to his family and he'd be leaving them. He would have to sacrifice so much and I don't believe that it's worth it. Has anyone else felt similar? I talked to him about this and he doesn't feel the same way but it doesn't change how I've been feeling.

[Kitten_mittens]

I'm not military.. But I can understand what you're saying. I feel bad that my SO will have to move here before I can move there =[

Do you plan on staying in the military much longer? Could he come to you and then when you leave the military you promise to move to his hometown? That's kind of what me and my SO think we will do. And he can always go visit his family as well.

Hope you find the answers your looking for.

[stormy]

I hope that you are able to find something to talk about this with because my SO has similar feelings. He badly wants us to close the distance but he would in a way feel guilty for taking me away from everything I have here.
I am still unsure about it as well (as you saw in one of the posts) but the idea is growing on me. I do not know how old your SO is but if he is around our age... we are still fairly young! I spoke to my mom and big sister about this and they both agreed that the adventure is something to take advantage of. My degrees will always be there, and my career can be continued. I like to think of all of this (life) as a big adventure, maybe it is time for him to explore, maybe even with you.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I'm not military.. But I can understand what you're saying. I feel bad that my SO will have to move here before I can move there =[

Do you plan on staying in the military much longer? Could he come to you and then when you leave the military you promise to move to his hometown? That's kind of what me and my SO think we will do. And he can always go visit his family as well.

Hope you find the answers your looking for.

Thank you for replying. I will be in for at least two more years and am considering reenlisting. I'm applying to Officer Training School this year and if I get in, I'll definitely be reenlisting. My SO and I are both from San Antonio and we both want to live there or in Austin, about an hour away, at some point so that wouldn't be an issue. I know that he could visit and I could too, I just feel guilty that he's wanting to do all of this because of me.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I hope that you are able to find something to talk about this with because my SO has similar feelings. He badly wants us to close the distance but he would in a way feel guilty for taking me away from everything I have here.
I am still unsure about it as well (as you saw in one of the posts) but the idea is growing on me. I do not know how old your SO is but if he is around our age... we are still fairly young! I spoke to my mom and big sister about this and they both agreed that the adventure is something to take advantage of. My degrees will always be there, and my career can be continued. I like to think of all of this (life) as a big adventure, maybe it is time for him to explore, maybe even with you.

Thank you for replying. My SO and I had another talk a few minutes ago about this. He feels like the things he would do are worth it and that I wouldn't be hindering him or taking him away from anything. He does love to travel and has gone through the military life with his family but it's different when you have a choice. My SO is 25 so there is a lot more to experience in life. He says that it wouldn't be an issue because he's thought and prayed on the things he wants with me a lot. He's talked a lot with his mom too and received advice from her on what it's like to be a military spouse. He could continue with school and work but it's hard for me to think of him making a billion sacrifices just because of me. I know if the roles were reversed, I'd do it in a heartbeat and wouldn't want him to feel guilty but it's very hard not to. I'm not a selfish person and always try to think of others before I think of myself which makes all this harder.

[stormy]

Thank you for replying. My SO and I had another talk a few minutes ago about this. He feels like the things he would do are worth it and that I wouldn't be hindering him or taking him away from anything. He does love to travel and has gone through the military life with his family but it's different when you have a choice. My SO is 25 so there is a lot more to experience in life. He says that it wouldn't be an issue because he's thought and prayed on the things he wants with me a lot. He's talked a lot with his mom too and received advice from her on what it's like to be a military spouse. He could continue with school and work but it's hard for me to think of him making a billion sacrifices just because of me. I know if the roles were reversed, I'd do it in a heartbeat and wouldn't want him to feel guilty but it's very hard not to. I'm not a selfish person and always try to think of others before I think of myself which makes all this harder.

I am definitely wondering how I would feel about jumping around as a military spouse since I do love what I do career wise.
But it really just sounds as if you two can do it! The only problem is... You love him! Haha, what I mean is that you love and care for him enough for this to be a worry for you at all. Let him know your concerns and let him choose, sounds like he chooses you in the same way you'd choose him. Beautiful. ��

[Heavenly_Love12]

Well I can tell you from my experience, it's not too bad jumping around. I'm not sure about the Navy, but most branches keep someone stationed in one location for a few years. I know they're trying to get it to where someone will be stationed at a stateside base for a minimum of 4 years in order to save money. Being a teacher though you could teach at schools in the local area or on base and there's also substituting and tutoring. It's great that your career is one that you can do anywhere, even overseas because there are the American schools. My Mom taught in one when she and my Dad lived in Spain when he was playing basketball there.

I appreciate the support! You're right, my biggest issue is that I love and care for him so much! If I didn't, I would just be like, "oh you want to move to be with me? Kay, that's cool" and not give it another thought. I've been letting him know my concerns and he's set on doing this. He knows that I wouldn't keep him from doing whatever it is he wanted to do and would encourage him. I guess I should keep in mind that he's an adult and can make his own choices. I mean it won't be me who's proposing to him and at that point, he definitely would have thought through everything.

[stormy]

Well I can tell you from my experience, it's not too bad jumping around. I'm not sure about the Navy, but most branches keep someone stationed in one location for a few years. I know they're trying to get it to where someone will be stationed at a stateside base for a minimum of 4 years in order to save money. Being a teacher though you could teach at schools in the local area or on base and there's also substituting and tutoring. It's great that your career is one that you can do anywhere, even overseas because there are the American schools. My Mom taught in one when she and my Dad lived in Spain when he was playing basketball there.

I appreciate the support! You're right, my biggest issue is that I love and care for him so much! If I didn't, I would just be like, "oh you want to move to be with me? Kay, that's cool" and not give it another thought. I've been letting him know my concerns and he's set on doing this. He knows that I wouldn't keep him from doing whatever it is he wanted to do and would encourage him. I guess I should keep in mind that he's an adult and can make his own choices. I mean it won't be me who's proposing to him and at that point, he definitely would have thought through everything.

Thanks for the information on traveling with him! I have been trying to do research on everything and I did not even think about the possibility of the fact that there could be a need to educational professionals on a base! You just eased some of my biggest concerns so thank you again!

It seems as if the both of us are at similar crossroads. Please keep me up to date on everything, I wish you both all the best!!

[piratemama]

I know if the roles were reversed, I'd do it in a heartbeat and wouldn't want him to feel guilty but it's very hard not to.

I think this is your answer. You wouldn't mind, so he doesn't either. We all would do anything to be with the one we love. When my SO and I close the distance, I will be moving far from family, friends, and my comfort zone. I'll be in a whole new world without a support system (other than my SO), but I want to do this. It's the best way for us, considering the options. I don't consider it a sacrifice. I'll be grateful to have the opportunity. Don't feel guilty at all, but embrace the love you two share that makes your SO want to be with you.

[Heavenly_Love12]

stormy-you're welcome! If you have any questions or anything, let me know and I'll do my best to answer them or find out the answer for you. I'll keep you and everyone else up to date on whatever happens.

pieatemana- I think you're right. I guess it's just different to me because most men aren't willing to bend or sacrifice that much, at least the men that I have known. I will try my best to not feel guilty and embrace all of the good things. Thank you for your opinions

[Curly]

Hi everyone. I'm wondering if there are any other females in this group who is the military member. I've been in the Air Force for almost 2 years now and my SO is a civilian. He grew up in a military family and was in the Air Force himself for a short period of time in 2010. I haven't seen or met that many women in the military who are married to someone who's primarily been a civilian but there are a ton of men that have civilian wives.

I feel guilty because he's wanting to be with me. He's really close to his family and he'd be leaving them. He would have to sacrifice so much and I don't believe that it's worth it. Has anyone else felt similar? I talked to him about this and he doesn't feel the same way but it doesn't change how I've been feeling.

I obviously don't know your exact situation. But I can tell you this. If I met the perfect person and wanted nothing more than to be with them, and my other goals could be accomplished while being with them. It wouldn't feel like a sacrifice. It would feel like a win.
I have kids. Had them very young. I didn't have a wild 20's like all my friends. I've worked very hard to support them. I haven't had much me time. It doesn't feel like a sacrifice. It's just what you do when you love someone. You are there for them in any way you possible can be. Even if it's just being a home-base for them.
Love is never a sacrifice.

[Heavenly_Love12]

Thank you curly! I love how you worded your response! I will do my best to keep the things you said in mind.

[Devyn.shae]

My bf and I are dual mil. We are both navy. I've been in for four years we just started dating 6 months ago. I think regardless of male or female the military member is going to feel guilty about the sacrifices they force upon their SO they just handle it differently. I'm not sure how long you want to stay in. But if it's just for 4 years I wouldn't feel bad especially since your So is fine with it. If your going to be a lifer then you guys have to have a serious talk and let him know that even though he got out of the air force. He is marrying into it and that he will be held to the responsibilities as he was when he was in. My guess is he knows that as any mil would. I also.doubt he would resent you for it, he would just go back to resenting the air force instead lol

[peppypenguin]

I'm not in the military either, but between me and my SO I'm the one that will be moving away from my family to go live with him. And like you, he's expressed a lot of guilt over that because he doesn't want me giving up all of that for him. He even suggested once that we move to a neutral country so it's fair (although I pointed out while that's sweet that just takes us both away from family and leaves us in a place where we don't know anyone!) And even though I know it will be hard he's the one I'm choosing to be with so I'm not going to resent him and definitely would never want him to carry around any guilt of that because I love him! And from what you've said it seems your SO feels the same about you. There might be times when he's homesick (when I was with my SO in England for a while I got homesick a bit) but even in those times I was never resenting him or being angry at him. I was simply happy that I had him there with me when I was feeling like that and he did his best to make me feel better.

I hope what I'm saying makes sense! Basically, even though circumstances are sort of dictating that I move where he is rather than the opposite, I still know I have a choice and I love him and want to be with him so I'll do what I can to make that happen!

[nottheprincesspeach]

My brother is military and his SO made that commitment and hasn't regretted it. My SO isn't military but has a job with similar commitments where he can't move to be with me and does move somewhat frequently. Currently he is moving back to where his family is. I am willing to make that move to be away from my family, and if he is too you should accept that. Someone always has to move to close the distance. Be appreciative, not guilty. You have an amazing understanding man, who has experience with what he is committing to. He isn't a civilian with no idea of what military life is like. He knows what he is committing to and still wants to.