Military Marriages

[meganpillow]

Hello,

I've been in love with my significant other for almost a year now, and he recently just finished Boot Camp and is starting AIT this Monday. We spoke on the phone for hours today and he told me how he will be stationed in Germany, (I'm in the United States about to finish College December 2014). He will be back home for a month before shipping out. We had a long talk about our options and what we wanted to do, and we thought about getting married. We are both in great financial standing, we both love each other very much, and we believe strongly that this would be a great option for us, but there's one thing holding me back.
My parents are strongly against it, saying I'm too young to make such a decision (I'll be 22 in the fall), and that I should wait. My man is army infantry, and we spoke about it even before he left for boot camp but decided to wait a bit longer. Him moving to Germany would make it harder for us to get married for he will be there for at least 8 months...

Please somebody give me some unbiased outside insight. I love him, but I don't want to upset my family either...

[Sanja]

I have to say I agree with your parents that you should wait. Him being gone eight months is really not that long, and with you finishing up college, time will go by fast. I know it isn't easy when you are in love, but there is also no reason to rush into marriage right away. I wish you the best, whatever it is you choose to do.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I think you have to do what's best for you! I think you should definitely finish school before moving over there, even if you choose to marry before. It would not be wise to move there with only a semester left. I can tell you that either option will be difficult for you. You'll have to adjust to being married and being a military wife; neither are easy and it's a lot different being a wife than a girlfriend.

My SO and I considered marrying a few years ago when he was in the AF. We were 20 and 21 and I have to say, I'm glad we didn't now. While we would have made it work, it would have been much more difficult than our situation now. I still had a year and a half left of school and he was just starting out in the AF (in tech school). There are adjustments for the member too, trust me I know as I am the military member in our relationship now. We thought we were in a good position to marry but looking back, the few extra years of growing up really have helped us and made us stronger. I know many people marry before going to their first duty station and that the military has a high amount of young marriages.

I know being LD is difficult but please consider all your options and what is truly going to be the best for both of you in the long run! It's easy to think that everything will work out but you haven't even been together a year and there will be a lot of growing pains there. You will have to adjust to being in a foreign country, trying to learn some of the language so you're not stuck on post all the time, obtaining all the paperwork to actually be allowed to go there, and everything that goes along with being married. If the two of you marry when he is on leave after AIT, there's a good chance that you wouldn't be able to go there right away. You'll have to be put on his orders and then go through all the processing and paperwork to be allowed to go there.

My overall advice, at least wait until you are done with school to move. You getting married is your own choice and your parents will come to accept it if that's what you decide. PLEASE consider all that comes with marriage and don't take things lightly. I am a huge believer in, "until death do us part," and don't want you to rush into either decision if you're not 100% sure. I think the best thing you can do is figure out what choice would make you alone the happiest. Don't consider your SO, your family, or your friends because that could sway your decision.

Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk and/or have questions! I can tell you that our families were not happy when we were discussing getting married 4 years ago but everyone is super excited and happy about it now. I wouldn't want to do things that my family is against, although there really haven't been any issues, but you are an adult and they will come around if they see that you're happy.

[meganpillow]

Thank you SO much, this really opened my eyes! Waiting till after I graduate sounds like a good plan.

[NavyWife]

I just married my husband 6 days after I turned 20. I don't think age matters (although we have both been more mature than our age for a long time). I was always taught to do what makes me happy, and he makes me the happiest ever! Now in a matter of weeks we will be starting a new chapter together in Virginia DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! Once your parents learn that you're happy they will be much more supportive. Good luck <3

[digitalfever]

Thank you SO much, this really opened my eyes! Waiting till after I graduate sounds like a good plan.

I think that's great. I'd also push you towards taking language classes and finding out about your employment options in Germany. Having a degree is one thing but you want to be employable when you come back.