Communication Breakdown. Those are words I hear a lot being in the military, but I never thought it would happen in my own relationship. Long story short, I have basically lost any desire or push to talk to my fiance anymore. When I do, he's busy or he's upset and the conversation consists of me telling him the same things I always do. I can see the distance I'm putting between us by destroying the one thing we still had, and it scares me. My problem is that no matter how badly I know I should want to talk to him or how bad I feel for not, I can't force myself to talk. The conversations just seem to make things worse and I don't know what to do. I need to fix this, but I don't know how. The long version is below.
Before we even started dating, we made promises to each other to talk about everything. We used to pride ourselves in our ability to talk to each other, especially as such a young couple. Things were fantastic for the first few months. I overcame my habit of hiding my emotions, and he learned that he could trust me. We told each other everything, there were no surprises.
We had a hiccup when I went to basic training. I was stressed and I forgot to uphold my responsibilities in the relationship. When we had the chance though, we talked. He told me how he felt and he told me I was hurting him. I told him I was confused and stressed, but that I still loved him. So we talked more, and we recovered, better than ever. My first visit home during Christmas was great. We had as much fun as we had before I left. When I returned to duty, I missed him more than anything in the world. I would ache to have my phone at the end of the day so we could talk again. We were on the phone for hours every night. When I got to visit him again, we decided to get married. I love him and I'm tired of being away from him, so that's what we decided. Again, I returned to duty and I continued to miss him. It was a little different this time. I was at my permanent place. This was to be my home for a while, I was no longer ready to pack and leave in a few weeks.
Sometimes when we spoke, I would cry because I missed him. I love to hear his voice, but it's bittersweet to see him through the screen. Other days I would come back from work and feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I had never truly felt alone until I was here. Some days, all I really needed was to be in his arms and to know that everything would be okay. I couldn't have that though, and it was destroying me. I was holed up in my room any time I didn't need to be anywhere else. I sat on my bed from sunrise to sunset watching movies. I didn't want to do anything else, but I knew that I was just hurting myself. Through conversations, we both figured that I needed something to do in my off time, a distraction of sorts. I just think I may have done too good of a job. I basically decided to destroy most, if not all of my bad habits. I did it with him in the back of my mind hoping when he moved out to me, I would be a better person than I had been. The major overhaul of myself has gotten me plenty distracted though. I don't feel lonely anymore, but I don't...yearn to have him like I used to. I am eager to have him with me again, in our own home, but I can't seem to convey that anymore. Anytime we start a conversation, I seem to just stop caring about talking to him. If I happen to be in the rare mood that I do want to talk, he's either busy or he's telling me more about how awful his mother his making life for him. When I want to talk, it turns into me telling him the same things I have always told him and long desperate messages to make him happy. I am more than willing to be there for him, but sometimes it's difficult when it seems like I'm the only thing that can make him happy. Then I feel bad because I know that I am his confidant, that he won't tell anyone else anything and that he'll just bottle all the emotions until something worse happens. He told me today he's beginning to be afraid of telling me things because he thinks he's a burden. How am I supposed to respond to that? I don't know what to do, but I want to stop this awful progress before it ruins us permanently.
Before we even started dating, we made promises to each other to talk about everything. We used to pride ourselves in our ability to talk to each other, especially as such a young couple. Things were fantastic for the first few months. I overcame my habit of hiding my emotions, and he learned that he could trust me. We told each other everything, there were no surprises.
We had a hiccup when I went to basic training. I was stressed and I forgot to uphold my responsibilities in the relationship. When we had the chance though, we talked. He told me how he felt and he told me I was hurting him. I told him I was confused and stressed, but that I still loved him. So we talked more, and we recovered, better than ever. My first visit home during Christmas was great. We had as much fun as we had before I left. When I returned to duty, I missed him more than anything in the world. I would ache to have my phone at the end of the day so we could talk again. We were on the phone for hours every night. When I got to visit him again, we decided to get married. I love him and I'm tired of being away from him, so that's what we decided. Again, I returned to duty and I continued to miss him. It was a little different this time. I was at my permanent place. This was to be my home for a while, I was no longer ready to pack and leave in a few weeks.
Sometimes when we spoke, I would cry because I missed him. I love to hear his voice, but it's bittersweet to see him through the screen. Other days I would come back from work and feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I had never truly felt alone until I was here. Some days, all I really needed was to be in his arms and to know that everything would be okay. I couldn't have that though, and it was destroying me. I was holed up in my room any time I didn't need to be anywhere else. I sat on my bed from sunrise to sunset watching movies. I didn't want to do anything else, but I knew that I was just hurting myself. Through conversations, we both figured that I needed something to do in my off time, a distraction of sorts. I just think I may have done too good of a job. I basically decided to destroy most, if not all of my bad habits. I did it with him in the back of my mind hoping when he moved out to me, I would be a better person than I had been. The major overhaul of myself has gotten me plenty distracted though. I don't feel lonely anymore, but I don't...yearn to have him like I used to. I am eager to have him with me again, in our own home, but I can't seem to convey that anymore. Anytime we start a conversation, I seem to just stop caring about talking to him. If I happen to be in the rare mood that I do want to talk, he's either busy or he's telling me more about how awful his mother his making life for him. When I want to talk, it turns into me telling him the same things I have always told him and long desperate messages to make him happy. I am more than willing to be there for him, but sometimes it's difficult when it seems like I'm the only thing that can make him happy. Then I feel bad because I know that I am his confidant, that he won't tell anyone else anything and that he'll just bottle all the emotions until something worse happens. He told me today he's beginning to be afraid of telling me things because he thinks he's a burden. How am I supposed to respond to that? I don't know what to do, but I want to stop this awful progress before it ruins us permanently.
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