Should I move in?

[ItIsWhatItIs]

It is kind of long, please bare with me...
I'm a single mother. 4 years ago my cousin wanted me to play an online game with him. I played and really enjoyed it. After 6 months I made a lot of online friends, male and female. One man I met was in the Navy. Eventually we started to talk, text, skype every day. We have always been against online dating and we never thought we would be into it. It was so refreshing being able to lay out your deepest fears and truly get to know someone and if you didn't like what the had to say, all you have to do is shut the computer off. Several months go by and feelings begin to develop. I was nervous and scared. I was going through a lot of downs with my family so I sent him a message saying how it was great to get to know him but that I wasn't interested in anything more, that it was getting too deep for me. The next morning I woke up to a text from him saying he didn't care about all of the problems in my life that he was only interested in myself and my son. Never having been with a man who cared about my childs wellbeing I decided to give it another shot. He started making plans for us to meet and for our future. He walked me through what it would mean to be a Navy wife, the support offered by the military and other spouses, and about deployments. We never said those 3 little words, we didn't need to.
It was nearly Christmas time and he was being promoted and I thought maybe I should tell him that I was falling in love. Just as I thought about it, he started to pull away. Facing rejection I too pulled away. After the new year, I called him out on it. I told him I felt that I misunderstood everything he said and felt a little like I was lied to. He said he didn't lie about his feelings but that everything was all "f'd up" in his head. I spoke to a friend of his and he said that my Navy guy and I needed to meet. 2 months later we spent a week together. We laughed and were intimate and it was so easy going like we had always been in each others lives. He was so happy leading up to meeting and during our time together but 2wks after I got back home he was down again. When asked he said he aaid he couldn't be more than friends because he couldn't put me or my son first, that he was married to the Navy. We continued to be friends until I had to walk away because he started sending mixed signals again and my heart couldn't take it. We didn't talk for around 6 months but as fate would have it, we reconnected. A few months into talking again and he started looking into leaving the Navy and moving where I live. He got information from my cousin about an awesome job out here and even prepared his resume. In the end he got nervous and resigned with the Navy for another 6 years.
One night he finally broke down and admitted what he has been scared of the entire time. My son. A long time ago he dated his best friends sister who was pregnant. He decided to step up and raise the child as his own. One day he caught her cheating on him and when he kicked her out she took her child and left. He was heartbroken because for all intents and purposes it was his child too. He said he was scared to go down that road again and for us to not work out and he would lose another child. My sons father has not been in his life for 9 years. I told him that if he took on the father role he would be his father and no matter how we end up, that role is his. We didn't talk any more about it and just have continued our friendship.
Things lately haven't been going so well on my home front. My Navy man has now offered out of the blue to pay for my son and I to move half way across the country to live with him after he gets home from his 9 month deployment. Idk what this means, if it means anything at all. Why would a man move a woman who still loves him and her child to live with him? He said it is cause I need a fresh start, which is very true. But if he doesn't love me and I do love him, to me that seems like it can cause a lot of problems. He is not a person that admits his feelings well and is very very closed off emotionally other than the very beginning of our almost relationship which he says is the result of his daddy issues and being in the military. So is moving us out there possibly his way of telling me his feelings or is it just cause he is a nice guy helping a friend? I am scared to move if it will emotionally hurt myself or my child. He has said that there is no time frame on how long we can stay with him, he said however long it takes until we get on our feet is fine, so I guess it is what it is. Please any help or adivce is welcome!

[Unconditional]

Well, (and this is just me personally) I wouldn't move that far away without some kind of commitment. He seems really nice and everything, so that's just my opinion. Ultimately it's up to you, only you know the full scope of the situation, your child, the problems you have at home and just every specific thing about the situation.
I mean, you have known him for quite a long time.

[conejita_hada]

That is a very big step. There should be a discussion about how the relationship (between the two of you) will be handled by you and him (your Navy man). If it is the best interest of your child to have this fresh start, then it's something to look into. I think that's the biggest thing, make the move if it's in the best interests of your and your child's future. Talk to your son about it and see what he thinks, as well. Also, how would your family feel about the move? Granted, they shouldn't be the deciding factor, but I guess I'm more thinking of that question in terms of the familial relationships your son has, if it would be beneficial to keep him near those people or if it would be okay to move a bit farther in distance.

[ItIsWhatItIs]

My family is the biggest reason for leaving. However my mother and my friends all think I need to do it. My best friend plans and one of my cousins plans to relocate out there as well if I move. I'm just nervous about bring a child into the military lifestyle. My son and Navy guy have gotten along but have never met in person. My son is very excited at the chance to leave here. Like I told my friend, I'm sure my heart will be broken when Navy guy brings women home or goes on dates etc but if it means my son can have a better life then it is worth it. I just hope they are able to bond with all the time away these Navy guys do.

[whatruckus]

I'm going to be blunt, because that's what I do, but this all sounds very odd to me. He goes from wanting to be with you, to not wanting to be with you, and his excuse is because he's afraid of things not working out with you and you taking your son away? What? That's a cop out, in my opinion. He knew when you guys started talking, and you were doing the things you guys were doing together, that you had a child. He should've taken this into consideration before he started confusing you with his feelings. Then out of no where he wants to pay for you to move there?

While it may be a great fresh start for both you and your son, the fact is, this Navy Guy will be paying for it...all of it. Can you handle him financially supporting you to move? Will you be living with him? If so, and you mentioned the whole idea of him bringing women over or going on dates, how confusing do you think that's going to be for your son? He'll be sitting there thinking that you two are together, but he's going to be watching this guy date/hook up with other women? I honestly don't think this is a good idea, unless you two are in some sort of committed relationship for a while, without him backing away so often. What if things don't work with the Navy Guy? What are you going to do? Would you stay there with your son, living with him? Would you have the financial stability to get a place on your own?

Military life is hard, not just on the guys themselves, but for their families and anyone close to them. Deployments are hard. I haven't gone through a deployment, but from what I've gathered from friends and other MilSO groups I'm apart of, it's extremely hard to go through.

In my very honest opinion, this is really not a good idea for you, or your son. Like I said, fresh start or not, I really don't know how stable your "relationship" is, nor how stable this guy is. You can't have someone who pops in and out of your life, when things get rough for him, to pay for your move and then have you live with him. You might have strong feelings for him, but the way he's been acting with his, and your, feelings is just wrong and it's selfish of him.

[ItIsWhatItIs]

I love when people are blunt so thank you!
As far as my son being confused, well he is 10. He understands that Navy guy is our friend and not my boyfriend or anything more. And yes we would be living with him, as a friend. He would be financially supporting us. Once my son gets settled into school I would be looking for a job and saving for our own place.
I was semi joking about women coming in and out of his life. Navy guy is a single man so it is a possibility. However his friends always make fun of him for never bringing girls home. He is actually prude for a man.
But I completely agree thatbhe is selfish with his own feelings. I'm content with my heart breaking out of wanting a relationship and not getting it as long as it meant that my son will benefit from it. Benefit by having a better education, away from a family full of pill poppers and meth, and a man who is one of my best friends and who really is a good person who, as a child, was in the same position as my son and has overcome so much to become what he is today.
Does the risk to my heart outweigh the reward or does the reward outweigh the risk?

[whatruckus]

I love when people are blunt so thank you!
As far as my son being confused, well he is 10. He understands that Navy guy is our friend and not my boyfriend or anything more. And yes we would be living with him, as a friend. He would be financially supporting us. Once my son gets settled into school I would be looking for a job and saving for our own place.
I was semi joking about women coming in and out of his life. Navy guy is a single man so it is a possibility. However his friends always make fun of him for never bringing girls home. He is actually prude for a man.
But I completely agree thatbhe is selfish with his own feelings. I'm content with my heart breaking out of wanting a relationship and not getting it as long as it meant that my son will benefit from it. Benefit by having a better education, away from a family full of pill poppers and meth, and a man who is one of my best friends and who really is a good person who, as a child, was in the same position as my son and has overcome so much to become what he is today.
Does the risk to my heart outweigh the reward or does the reward outweigh the risk?

If it was me, I would wait until I was financially stable before I would move to be there, just in case something happens and you guys end up falling out or something. You wouldn't want to live in a house with him under that much tension and stress, especially with your son. But, again, in the end it's your decision and completely up to you and what you think is best for your family.