Soon-to-Be Marine

[summerluv212]

Hello all!
So the past month and a half I have been in a situation that is 100% new to me. My boyfriend of almost 3 years (our anniversary is in December), decided he wants to join the Marine Corps. This came very suddenly and with no warning. He had been going to a junior college for a year or so when he calls me (I'm at UC Santa Barbara and he is at Palomar-in San Marcos, CA) and tells me he wants to join the military. Now I am NOT someone who will tell him that he can't do that, even though I really didn't want him to, because even though we are together and we plan to stay together, we still want each other to do everything they want to in life. This is why our relationship worked when I left to go to Santa Barbara. Of course, I told him how I felt, that I wasn't happy about it because it means even LESS time being spent with him, but if this is what he wants in life I will support him and wait for him.
Thankfully, he only wants to join the Reserves. I honestly know I could NOT live the moving every four years and not knowing when I would see him again life. And I have a deep respect for those who can. But at this time he is still only a Poolee and a lot of aspects about his future- and therefore mine- are up in the air. I do know he is going into intelligence which means he will be shipped off to Virginia at some point in time for at least 5 months. He is also taking the DLAB and if he does well on that he will be sent to Monterey Bay for over a year!
Now, I am a person who needs structure and a plan. In high school, I was the kid that had a different plan for each college I applied to. In college, I already have all of my courses planned out for my entire 4 years and I even know what graduate schools I am applying to. But here, I am at a loss. My boyfriend doesn't know anything that happens past his ten days after bootcamp. I am going crazyyy! I took extra units next quarter just to keep busy because I know I won't be able to talk to him at all. I am trying to stay positive and think about when its all over and he's back in college closer to me and we can see each other often, but its so far away and this process is so emotionally taxing. I don't even know if i can afford a plane ticket to see him in Virginia, nevertheless afford a graduate education. I don't really know what I wanted to gain from posting this other than to express my concerns. I know many have it way worse, but knowing that doesn't exactly make this any easier. I know I'll be able to deal with this better when he knows exactly where he's going and for how long, but until then, I'm kind of falling apart and it doesn't really help that I know my father's been waiting for the relationship to crash and burn.
There's the other issue- my father. We aren't particularly close, but he is a man that has an opinion on EVERYTHING and he is not afraid to tell me EXACTLY how he feels about something. For example, when I started dating my boyfriend, he had zero hesitation when telling me everything he didn't like about him. Or that he felt that my having a career as 'intense' as mine will be (pharmaceutical research) will interfere with my rearing a child in the future. I just don't want to tell him about my boyfriends change of plans because I know I will get an earfull of 'its probably in your best interest to end it' and 'what kind of career will he have afterwords'. I know he needs to know, but I am having a hard time figuring out hwen to tell him, or if its better that my boyfriend tell him or both of us together?
Thanks for reading, if you did. And if you have any little tid-bits of advice, I would very much appreciate it!!

[Nymeria]

So your boyfriend is in bootcamp now?
My advice would be to try and not overthink the Situation and don't think about too many "ifs" and "whens" until you actually know things.
Also I would advise you to try and find a way to "go with the flow" - that might not only help you in the relationship but also in your whole live.
I'm fairly new to Military relationship myself and never ever imagined myself being in one, but what I have learned in the last few month is that you never know till you actually know and even then it might be different again. But you'll get the hang of it.
Do you know the penguins from Madagaskar? When I know I get a rant from someone I always think about those. "Smile and wave Boys, smile and wave..." Because then I can face it pretty relaxed.
It is still your life and you seem to be in this relationship for a very Long time now, so I do think you probably know that he's what you want. If I were you, I would wait till bootcamp is over, then tell Dad and let him rant, think about the penguins from Madagaskar and just say "Yes, Dad". The sooner you have it over with the better - and one of the "ifs" and "whens" is also gone.

[whatruckus]

First, you need to calm down and relax. It is true, being in the military is hard. Even though he'll be Reserves, there is still an off chance that he may get orders to Deploy. My boyfriend was Army National Guard, and right after he graduated boot camp, he had orders to deploy to Iraq a year later. Also, if he is doing Reserves, he will basically be Civilian for most of the year. The only time he'll be "active" is when he has Drill once a month, and if it's the same as Army, AT (or Annual Training 2 weeks in the summer). It's pretty much the same as National Guard. The only difference between National Guard and Reserves is that National Guard is activated for drill once a month, during any state emergency (or something like Ferguson) or disaster, as well as a deployment. Reserves is only active, besides drill and training, if they are called to deploy.

As for your dad, my dad is the same way. I just ignore him. What kind of job can he have? Any. My boyfriend is a Corrections Officer, before that, he was a courier. He can have any type of job he wants, as long as the employer knows and is fully aware that he will have to take a weekend off once a month for drill (to be honest, legally they have to accept that and he can't get fired or discriminated for it).

The first year or two will be hard with him going to boot camp and all the training he has to do, as well as the special training he wants to get. But, if you believe your relationship is worth it, stick with it. You don't know how many of these guys' girlfriends and wives give up on them because they can't handle it. Even during boot camp.

Also, when he goes to boot camp, or has all of his training, don't give him crap about not talking to you. All the branches have a "black out" period where they won't/can't receive letters or any contact with the outside world. You get your letters, skype calls, whatever...when you get them. It's stressful enough as it is for them to go through it. They are EXTREMELY busy. Also, there's always a chance he might not make it through boot camp all the way (I'm not saying that he won't), there's always people that drop out. So, you never know. Just be as supportive as you can for him.