anxious and in need of advice

[Patientlywaiting3]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and knew each other before dating as well. He was in the service before we started dating specifically marines. We are coming close to facing his first deployment and I find myself questioning things I wasn't initially. This past visit he gave me a promise ring which is a sign of our commitment through this venture of his and beyond. The idea of not seeing him or having constant contact is paralyzing but I knew what I was getting myself into(sort of). There is no doubt in my mind we love eachother and see a future together because we always account for eachother in our future plans (together). A good friend of mine expressed that a forum would be a good way to vent and have others in similar situations provide advice. So essentially this is my first ever forum and the first time I have publicly expressed my worries on my future ventures with my marine. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated and I hope this eases the stress and worry as well.

[Unconditional]

Best advice is to keep yourself busy!! And talk to people to keep yourself from going crazy-cause trust me you will. Another good piece of advice is to keep a journal and write out happiness and worries to your heart's desire. Welcome to LFAD

[Unicorn26]

You're in the right place here! Welcome. We are all in the same boat here, I feel for you having to deal with him being in the military though. I believe there are a few military wives on here, I hope you find the support and advice you need.

[Patientlywaiting3]

Thanks for the advice. I did buy a journal and have since started to write in it. I am in school so I hope itll keep me busy enough. Are you in a similar situation?

[Patientlywaiting3]

Thank you. I hope I do as well. I'm hoping to get as much feedback as possible.

[Unconditional]

Thanks for the advice. I did buy a journal and have since started to write in it. I am in school so I hope itll keep me busy enough. Are you in a similar situation?

If this question was posed to me. I have been in a similar situation with a previous relationship. We went through a deployment with no communication. There are however a few milso's on this forum as well.

[whatruckus]

Keep yourself busy, keep a journal (so that he can read it when he comes home), don't get upset if you have no contact for upwards of weeks. Try to be as supportive as you can. Join MilSO Facebook groups, they'll give you tips and ideas. Order a mailing package kit from USPS (they're free and come with tons of boxes, labels, and international forms). Understand that while it's tough for you here at home, it's even harder for them over there. Send him care packages and letters every chance you get.

If you send care packages, don't send him things that can melt or are perishable. Baby wipes are among the most requested items on their lists because they use them for literally everything. Try not to watch the news so much, so you don't worry yourself.

Also, be prepared for when he comes home, depending on where's he stationed or what he's doing, he could come home with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and/or TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). I would highly advise that you read up on those subjects. All of my SO's previous gf's (including the one he was "with" during his deployment and was engaged to) after he came home left him because they couldn't handle his mood swings. This also happens to most vets when they come home.

I haven't been through a deployment with my veteran, but I deal with his PTSD on a daily basis. It's not easy on either of us.

If he's combat, try not to ask him what's he done over there, they really don't like talking about it.

What he's really counting on is that you'll be there for him when he comes home.

My SO told me that was one of the reasons he proposed to his ex and why he kept taking her back. He wanted someone to come home to. Also, see if there are any Family Ready Groups for your SO's unit, I know the Army has them.

[Patientlywaiting3]

Keep yourself busy, keep a journal (so that he can read it when he comes home), don't get upset if you have no contact for upwards of weeks. Try to be as supportive as you can. Join MilSO Facebook groups, they'll give you tips and ideas. Order a mailing package kit from USPS (they're free and come with tons of boxes, labels, and international forms). Understand that while it's tough for you here at home, it's even harder for them over there. Send him care packages and letters every chance you get.

If you send care packages, don't send him things that can melt or are perishable. Baby wipes are among the most requested items on their lists because they use them for literally everything. Try not to watch the news so much, so you don't worry yourself.

Also, be prepared for when he comes home, depending on where's he stationed or what he's doing, he could come home with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and/or TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). I would highly advise that you read up on those subjects. All of my SO's previous gf's (including the one he was "with" during his deployment and was engaged to) after he came home left him because they couldn't handle his mood swings. This also happens to most vets when they come home.

I haven't been through a deployment with my veteran, but I deal with his PTSD on a daily basis. It's not easy on either of us.

If he's combat, try not to ask him what's he done over there, they really don't like talking about it.

What he's really counting on is that you'll be there for him when he comes home.

My SO told me that was one of the reasons he proposed to his ex and why he kept taking her back. He wanted someone to come home to. Also, see if there are any Family Ready Groups for your SO's unit, I know the Army has them.

Thank you so much for your detailed response. I mean I know clearly I am not the only one that is in this situation but I've never been able to speak to others that could relate. Glad I joined this forum. It may just give me the little boost I need for this deployment and any others he and I may face together. By the way kudos on your ability to handle a situation like ptsd. I had a friend who I believe suffered from the same and it tore him apart.

[leditbe]

You've truly come to a great place for support. Everyone here is extremely positive in regards to the stress that comes with an LDR.
It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do this far in my life, and I'm sure other people can say the same thing.
Having patience is very difficult especially if this is the first time you'll ever have to exhibit said patience.
The best advice I can give you is to stay positive. If you're having negative thoughts, go for a walk, watch a movie, or read. Do anything to keep your mind in a healthy place.
Worrying is the worst thing you can do in an LDR and it's also a complete waste of time.
Another crucial thing to keep in mind is that you need to trust your dude. If he's given you a promise ring, things are looking pretty serious for the two of you. Trust that he's being faithful, that he does care about you, and that when this is all over you'll be able to start your future together.
I commend you for being so brave and taking on a long distance love. It's gonna be okay!

Best Wishes.

-A