Feeling impatient to be together

[LeslieC]

I have been with my army boyfriend for 3 years and am ready for the next step, but not sure he is. We are both approaching 40 yrs old and both have kids and have been married before. More than half of our relationship has been long distance, which he is more used to than I am. We have talked about our future and he is willing to move where I live when he can, but I feel that if we are planning the future why aren't we further along in our relationship? He always says "when we get married," however he hasn't proposed, hasn't seriously asked me and my kids to move with him, and we seem to live our lives separately. I am ready to be with him on a daily basis and ready to combine households and help each other financially, which we have discussed. I understand he has to wait for the army to let him know when and where he will move to next, but I guess I feel if he truly sees a future with me and wants to keep me in his life then we should be further along. I think he has concerns that if my daughters and I move with him he will be responsible for all three of us and that would be a lot of pressure on him especially if it doesn't work out. I get that, but if I am telling him that I am willing to take this leap of faith and start our future together then I dont understand his hesitation. We both discussed if I did move that it would only be for a couple of years, as he as around 3 years until he is out of the army. So I sometimes I feel like I have to choose to just be patient and wait a few more years for the love, stability and security that I crave, or think twice about waiting if I'm not feeling that he feels the same as I do. It doesn't help when people I know think maybe he is stringing me along or wonder why he hasn't made the next move. They also say he knows I struggle financially so why doesn't he help me financially since he makes way more money than I do. I defend him of course...and on the money part I am not after his money and not a gold digger. I wonder if there is more to it and I don't like doubting him or us. Anyone go through something similar or know someone that has? Thanks!

[Unconditional]

I don't really know what advuce to give.
I can see his side though, perhaps he wants to wait until out of the army to marry you, is that not understandable? I know it's hard, but you've already done three years and what is three more compared to a future together?

[merlinkitty]

I mean I guess you need to have a "sit down" talk with him where this is all going. It's nice to talk about dreams, but sometimes you just need to start talking reality. Guys from my experience are a lot more direct than women. You can give them all the hints in the world and they just won't pick up on it.

[R&R]

I was in an LDR with a man in the army. His concern about us closing the distance while he was in the army was the fact that he may have to relocate and he didn't want to uproot my daughters over and over when his orders changed. Plus, if we weren't married we couldn't have family housing and we weren't ready to get married yet. What he did in the army was dangerous and he could be gone all of a sudden and not back for weeks. He didn't want me having to deal with being alone in a strange place when that happened either.

I can understand where he is coming from. You need to have a serious discussion with him about what he realistically wants for the future when he is done with the military. He's not going to know your concerns unless you sit down and talk with him about it.

[Noodle]

I believe R&R is onto something. My Army SO was very concerned and hesitant in the beginning of the idea of my daughter and I moving with him because he wasn't sure how my daughter would handle having to relocate all the time. What helped was having the two of them on the phone and him directly asking her questions about the future. It was then he was more than ready to start planning the next step.

But yeah, it just seems you just need to have a discussion on where things are going. Yeah, military life makes it hard to have a set plan and schedule, but having an idea when you all will be able to be together and how is definitely needed here. Good luck =D