trying to understand the otherside

[marylandgirl]

I'm the soldier in the relationship. I'm trying to figure out why my bf has been acting so weird. He said the other day that he sees us together in the future but not for 5+ years. He keeps on going back to the military, asking me when I'm going to be deployed. And saying if we don't make it you'll aways have the military. I just don't understand why he says this stuff. When we told me this he's said he loves me, really loves me. Please help me understand this. I love this guy with all my heart!!

[xjustxinxtimex]

The absolute best thing you could do, in my opinion, is express your feelings and thoughts with him. Ask him to explain what he means. I cant speak for him. I cant speak for his mind. All I can say is that if I were in your position I would be thinking that because he keeps going back to the military he is having some sort of issue with that part of your life. Please take that with a grain of salt. It could be that he fears for your safety, it could be that he doesn't want to be away from you if/when you get deployed and it could be something totally unrelated. But, again, the best thing to do is to ask him why keeps bringing it up or tell him how you feel about him and how it makes you feel when he acts like that and ask why he see's a problem with the relationship when he says he loves you just like you did here.

I am not the best person on love advice but that's my 2 cents on it. I always try to value communication in a relationship that I am serious about because it is very very important in my opinion. Anyways, I hope this will help you some or at least inspire someone else to give better advice to you. I wish you and your SO much luck!

[Unconditional]

I agree with justintime for the most part. Have you talked to him about this and how what he is saying is making you feel uncomfortable? It seems like the way he is saying things that he does not see a future, and that I find confusing. You either see a future or you don't and if you do, you don't usually say things like, "Well, if it doesn't work out...." No because you are always trying to make it work.

[marylandgirl]

I've talk to him about everything. He says he loves me and that he's not scared. He says that he's just trying to protect me, so I won't get hurt

[whatruckus]

It seems more like he's trying to protect himself more than anything and that he has doubts about your relationship. Seems like he might not be able to handle it, and that he doesn't understand.

I mean, I can't really speak for him, but being the civilian in my relationship with my SO, I've never said those things. Even when he was almost deployed.

I think you should ask him flat out if he can handle being in a relationship with you and the possibilities of going through a deployment with you. It's not easy being in a military relationship, it takes a really strong person to be an LDR to begin with, and then an even stronger one to be with someone who's in the military. If he doesn't have faith in you guys, I'm sorry to say, it's not going to last.

[Unconditional]

I have to agree with whatrucks. I'm the civilian in our relationship and I've never once said anything like that to my SO. I'm always supportive and I do see a future with him and vice versa. What in the heck is he trying to protect you from exactly? Because he shouldn't have to protect you both from having a future together. This all seems odd to me.

[merlinkitty]

I've talk to him about everything. He says he loves me and that he's not scared. He says that he's just trying to protect me, so I won't get hurt

Seems like he's doing the reverse, though. Regardless what he says.