Vacationing with kids

[LeslieC]

My bf and I have dated for 3 1/2 years and are serious and exclusive and talk about living together and eventually getting married when he is done with the military in 2-3 years. We see each other every 2-3 months. We both have kids and we have gotten our kids together a few times. Well one of his kids is graduating high school and he has talked to another couple about going to Ireland with their kids, because they have a kid graduating as well. He didn't say me and my kids are included or that he would like us to go. I asked about going and he said I'm welcome to come, so I told him I wouldn't feel right going without my kids and he said they are welcome too. So my issue is I feel like I wasn't involved the planning of this or included in the initial invite/discussions he had with this other couple. Also he knows I can't afford it and hasn't offered to help (which I wouldn't expect or want to pay for me and my 2 kids, but a little assistance). I know this may seem petty but I'd like to think after this long together he would have me in on this from the get-go and talk to me about details and the financing etc. I feel like I look at out relationship more seriously than he does. He Has mentioned before if we lived together it would be a no-brainer that we would all travel together....well my question is why is it different because we can't currently live together?? We are still a committed couple who has been involved with each other's families. I just feel hurt and left out and like an after-thought of this trip. Anyone see a different side of this? Thanks!

[whatruckus]

If this is something he had been planning with another couple that he is friends with, as sort a graduation gift to his kid and their kid, I don't see why he would include you. Are they your friends too? Maybe this was something he wanted to do with his kid before his kid went off to college. Also, he probably knew you weren't going to be able to afford it and didn't want to make you feel bad. I honestly don't think you should assume that you're going to be included all the time. You're not married, you're not engaged, and you're not living together. Technically he has no obligation to help you and your kids fund the trip, or even give you assistance if he doesn't want to. And, on top of that, no obligation to include you in all his travel plans, if at all.

I mean, if it really bothers you that much about it, you can talk to him. But, I get the feeling that he was just planning on going with his kid and spending time with his kid before they go off to college. And, more than likely didn't mean to make you feel left out.

But, if you asked him if you could go along, I really don't understand why you would expect him to help you out with the trip. You asked to go along. If he had asked you to begin with, then maybe you'd have some leg to stand on with asking him to help fund the trip for you and your kids. But, you asked to tag along after the fact.

I mean, I understand that you guys are in a serious relationship, but at the same time...you kind of don't impose yourself on his plans and then expect him to help you out financially. If you knew you couldn't afford it, why did you ask to go?

[Moon]

Exactly what whatruckus said, but I wanted to ask why you're so insulted that he's taking a trip with his kid without you? Just because you're in a serious relationship doesn't mean you can't do anything on your own, or just you and your child, without your SO always tagging along, especially when you can't afford it on your own. Why burden him with the extra expenses? Girlfriend or not, it can be a burden. Sometimes you simply want some quality time with your child. I think you're making a mistake by pushing the issue, let him have his trip and don't be bitter or jealous, he'll appreciate you a lot more for it.

[whatruckus]

I'm looking at it like, if my SO was going to a really big Dart tournament in another state. Then, me asking if I could go because I got jealous he's going with other people and didn't ask me if I wanted to go, even though he knows I can't afford it. And then, saying that I actually can't afford it and he needs to help me.

It would be a selfish thing for me to do.

Which, ironically, my SO is planning on going to a few tournaments out of state, and he didn't ask me if I wanted to go (though it's probably implied/assumed I'm going anyways). He only asked me if I would go to the Vegas one, so we could have a vacation together and I could help him out. Since, that one we'll have to pay for plane tickets for. I'm not even offended he didn't ask me to go to the other ones. I might bring it up and just ask IF he wanted me to go, but I honestly don't care if he doesn't want me to. But again, chances are he wants me there because I'm his support. Anyways, my point is, I'm not assuming anything, I'm not offended, and I'm not going to invite myself along.

[differentcountries]

Your SO was probably thinking of how to treat his son, it doesn't say anything about you or your relationship. If you have expectations that he will pay for your holidays, tell him so, don't let him guess. If you have a deeply felt desire to spend time with his son and his friends, tell him so. If you are just using the occation as a weight to see however much he loves you, leave it be. You will not be in focus in such a trip no matter what.

[lyonsgirl]

I concur with Moon & whatruckus. Sorry to say that talking about marriage does not mean you are married, or even that you have to get married. Heck, being engaged doesn't mean you have to get married. But - that's not my point here. My point here is that you aren't legally obligated to one another. And in the military's eyes: unfortunately, you aren't together. His kids will always be his kids - and nothing will change that. I understand you've been together a long time and would appreciate it if he invited you on this trip.

However, like it was already pointed out, maybe he wanted to spend time with his kid. My SO went on a trip to the west coast with just his dad after he graduated high school. Each one of his siblings that has graduated high school has gone on a similar trip - just with Dad.

[whatruckus]

I concur with Moon & whatruckus. Sorry to say that talking about marriage does not mean you are married, or even that you have to get married. Heck, being engaged doesn't mean you have to get married. But - that's not my point here. My point here is that you aren't legally obligated to one another. And in the military's eyes: unfortunately, you aren't together. His kids will always be his kids - and nothing will change that. I understand you've been together a long time and would appreciate it if he invited you on this trip.

However, like it was already pointed out, maybe he wanted to spend time with his kid. My SO went on a trip to the west coast with just his dad after he graduated high school. Each one of his siblings that has graduated high school has gone on a similar trip - just with Dad.

Exactly. Like, this is probably a Dad/son or daughter trip for them. A bonding trip.