Hello everyone, I am still somewhat new to these forums. I posted once before, but I feel the need to post again today after a painful goodbye and whirlwind of change that happened yesterday. Apologies for the encyclopedia:
My Norwegian boyfriend and I (American) met a little over a year ago online through video game. We were instantly connected and had incredible chemistry - the kind that best selling movies and books are about. We have been inseparable for the past year. We visited several times, and he even lived with me for three months until the end of September. Even when we were apart, we were always talking, watching something together, gaming together, having Skype dinner dates, you name it.
I knew from the very first few months of our relationship that he enlisted in the army before he met me, and that he would be called for duty in January 2017. I flew to Norway to visit him a few weeks ago for Christmas, and we celebrated our one year anniversary 3 days ago, and then we both left Oslo yesterday morning. He went to his military base in Bardufoss, Norway and I went back to America. I am struggling so much right now. I didn't sleep well last night and of course there's the present stinging of the very recent goodbye that will fade over time. But something else is also bothering me.
I have pretty significant anxiety issues. My boyfriend is well aware of them and he is wonderful about doing anything that he can to ease my anxiety and help. Starting about six months ago, I started having anxiety about the army: how much I would get to speak to him, if he would be in any danger, vacation time, and him potentially living in close quarters with women. When I was curious about what his service would be like, I came across articles about how wonderfully progressive the Norwegian army is. I also came across how many dorms are unisex with men and women living together.
I love my boyfriend and he loves me. We are very committed and serious about our future. We've discussed it at length and we have a plan, and a backup plan and a backup to the backup. We are both very integrated into each other's families. For all of these reasons, I should have absolutely nothing to worry about. I should not feel any anxiety. But I do. I am doing what my therapist calls "catastrophizing" where I imagine the worst possible scenario and try to prepare myself for it in case it happens, even though the reality is they probably won't. I am perseverating on the chance that he grows very close with a fellow woman soldier and they develop feelings for each other. I trust my boyfriend and if I truly had to give my honest opinion, I don't think he would ever cheat on me. I'm not afraid of him cheating. I'm afraid of him falling out of love with me over this next year for somebody who's there all the time, every day, and lives in his country. It would definitely be easier to be with somebody else than me. I know that that's not what he wants right now. And I know these thoughts aren't rational, but I can't make them go away right now. Any insight or help you can provide would be much appreciated. Thank you so much!
My Norwegian boyfriend and I (American) met a little over a year ago online through video game. We were instantly connected and had incredible chemistry - the kind that best selling movies and books are about. We have been inseparable for the past year. We visited several times, and he even lived with me for three months until the end of September. Even when we were apart, we were always talking, watching something together, gaming together, having Skype dinner dates, you name it.
I knew from the very first few months of our relationship that he enlisted in the army before he met me, and that he would be called for duty in January 2017. I flew to Norway to visit him a few weeks ago for Christmas, and we celebrated our one year anniversary 3 days ago, and then we both left Oslo yesterday morning. He went to his military base in Bardufoss, Norway and I went back to America. I am struggling so much right now. I didn't sleep well last night and of course there's the present stinging of the very recent goodbye that will fade over time. But something else is also bothering me.
I have pretty significant anxiety issues. My boyfriend is well aware of them and he is wonderful about doing anything that he can to ease my anxiety and help. Starting about six months ago, I started having anxiety about the army: how much I would get to speak to him, if he would be in any danger, vacation time, and him potentially living in close quarters with women. When I was curious about what his service would be like, I came across articles about how wonderfully progressive the Norwegian army is. I also came across how many dorms are unisex with men and women living together.
I love my boyfriend and he loves me. We are very committed and serious about our future. We've discussed it at length and we have a plan, and a backup plan and a backup to the backup. We are both very integrated into each other's families. For all of these reasons, I should have absolutely nothing to worry about. I should not feel any anxiety. But I do. I am doing what my therapist calls "catastrophizing" where I imagine the worst possible scenario and try to prepare myself for it in case it happens, even though the reality is they probably won't. I am perseverating on the chance that he grows very close with a fellow woman soldier and they develop feelings for each other. I trust my boyfriend and if I truly had to give my honest opinion, I don't think he would ever cheat on me. I'm not afraid of him cheating. I'm afraid of him falling out of love with me over this next year for somebody who's there all the time, every day, and lives in his country. It would definitely be easier to be with somebody else than me. I know that that's not what he wants right now. And I know these thoughts aren't rational, but I can't make them go away right now. Any insight or help you can provide would be much appreciated. Thank you so much!
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