LDR doesnt work because of military service

[nessa94]

Hi, I'm new here. I want to ask advices from you guys
So my bf and i been together for like 2 years and half and we spend like one year plus in LDR, for the first half year it went well but starting from when he entered the military my bf said that he can't cope with it. He said he needs me to be there physically so he can feel my presence and accompany him bcos he's been through tough time rn. Last time he was the one who is so eager with this relationship like even if its LDR he can make it, so its kind of shatter my heart bcos suddenly he become this way. We've been trying a lot of method to keep the sparks alive, i visit him quite often since i only need to travel like 2 hours to see him but he thinks thats not enough. We still love each other very much, any advice?

Note: we still got long way to go bcos he still need to finish army, university and work. While I'm ready for everything and just waiting for him. I'm older than him by 2 years

Thanks! Xx

[R&R]

Hi, I'm new here. I want to ask advices from you guys
So my bf and i been together for like 2 years and half and we spend like one year plus in LDR, for the first half year it went well but starting from when he entered the military my bf said that he can't cope with it. He said he needs me to be there physically so he can feel my presence and accompany him bcos he's been through tough time rn. Last time he was the one who is so eager with this relationship like even if its LDR he can make it, so its kind of shatter my heart bcos suddenly he become this way. We've been trying a lot of method to keep the sparks alive, i visit him quite often since i only need to travel like 2 hours to see him but he thinks thats not enough. We still love each other very much, any advice?

Note: we still got long way to go bcos he still need to finish army, university and work. While I'm ready for everything and just waiting for him. I'm older than him by 2 years

Thanks! Xx

Hi nessa,

A relationship, any relationship, can only work if both parties are fully vested and want to put forth the effort to make it work. There are many people who will try an LDR but then find it's not the type of relationship that works for them. Some people need physical contact much more frequently or their partner right there. Remember, this has nothing to do with their partner but it is from within themselves. People can't be faulted if an LDR isn't for them. At least they gave it a try.

If he is telling you that not being able to be together all the time is not enough for him, believe him. If he says he can't cope with it anymore, believe him. The two of you need to have a serious conversation and actively listen to each other. It may come down to the fact that he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship anymore. If that's the case, you need to let him go. Being in a relationship where one person is fully vested and one is not ends up leading to unhappiness, resentment and eventually, a very messy breakup.

[hmrambling]

I am going to suggest to you that military service is not the cause of the LDR not working. I was in the military and an LDR would work if I were willing to put the effort in for the LDR. Don't blame the military for a relationship not working. Also, please don't use net-speak. Please take out the time to type out what you mean to say.