Relocating Decisions...I need advice

[Holly09]

Hi.

So I have been with my SO for 8 months and in about a year my SO will be relocated for multiple years. I know I am willing to move if it is within my home country. However I don't know if I am comfortable moving to a foreign country unmarried.

Also I am worried because if in the worst case sceancerio and my SO does go outside the country and I can't bring myself to move with, I know for a fact I cannot do a distance relationship for 3 years.

This waiting to find out where my SO will go is still 3 to 4 month away. This anxiety is killing me. Please any advice on how to deal with this.

[Redheart14]

Is there anyway you can find out if it'll be within your current country? I think you need to be open with your SO about how you're feeling as you don't want him to feel blindsided if you don't get the placement you were hoping for and decide not to move.

[c_denise3]

That would be a very difficult move without being married. There are so many factors that come into play, and the move would be entirely out of your pocket, so it'll be expensive. You won't receive any benefits, so rent, health insurance, and expenses will be on you. Personally, I would not make that kind of move with zero stability. He would deploy and you'd be left alone with no security. That's terrifying. Also, what if you did move to be with him unmarried and your relationship crumbled? There you are in a foreign place, no family, no friends, heartbroken.. it's just a risky move, in my opinion. Even a move across the country would be something I hesitate on without at least some form of commitment, not just dating. Again, even with a move across the country, they move and all expenses would still be on you.

I wholeheartedly understand the anxiety that comes with waiting for orders. My fiance is a submariner in the United States Navy. Before we got engaged, we were waiting for his orders to come and they were a huge determining factor for our future. If he would've gotten sent to Guam, it would've been done, because we weren't ready to rush into marriage just so I could go with him. The west coast was questionable (we live on the east coast). Thankfully, he got got orders to stay in Connecticut, proposed after, and then I moved to be with him. The move was only 8 hours up the coast for me, but all expenses were on me for a while until he got to a place where he could pitch in.

My advice to you is to just pray (if you do that) and hope for the best. It's nerve-racking, it's stressful, and it's scary. Make a pros and cons list, talk with your SO. Communicate your fears and concerns. Talk about where this relationship is headed. I'm not encouraging you to rush into marriage, but you do need to discuss where you see yourselves in this relationship. The military is unpredictable and changes like the wind. Hang in there, take some deep breaths, communicate with your SO, and I wish you the best. Everything will happen the way it's meant to, take comfort in that.